My Rating: 2 stars
Ugh. This was a seriously tedious movie to watch. I was pretty surprised, because I’m usually into these raunchy, disgusting, Japanese B-movies. I loved Machine Girl. And, Sukeban Boy was pretty ridiculous. But, watching this movie just made me tired—kinda the same way I felt when I watched Maiko Haaan! This is one of those super-gross movies where girls are turned into an army fighting robot/human hybrids. Believe it or not, this is an actual genre of films. The filmmakers capitalize on the gross-out factor of seeing the ladies’ bodies split open to reveal all kinds of crazy artillery inside. And, there’s usually some disgusting stuff involving food too—like punishing a bad guy by having his hand cooked up in a tempura deep fryer. And, this film does have all those typical elements, but the story was complete nonsense. They didn’t even try to string scenes together in a meaningful way.
Well, in this movie the story is about two sisters who do not get along. The elder one is a beautiful, popular but cruel geisha. And, the younger one is her “less-beautiful” helper (even though the actress is super cute). Although, a visiting wealthy businessman notices the potential in both of these women and promptly brings them to his headquarters. What he hasn’t told them is that he isn’t planning on having them work as geishas. He’s going to add them to his army of robotic, fighting, (scantily clad), lady-bodyguards. Every good criminal mastermind has got to have a few of those on hand at any time. Because, that’s what he is—a complete megalomaniac, with his heart set on conquering Japan. But, that back-story is just for show. Really, this movie is just one big excuse to film lots of tough ladies get into all kinds of different catfights, and maim each other in all kinds of grotesque ways. And, the main matchup is, of course, between the two rival sisters. This movie bills itself as a feminist comedy, but the filmmakers seem all too delighted to see these catty ladies hack each other to pieces. But, maybe he considers having ladies in sports bras doing martial arts to be feminist. Oh well.
I don’t think I’d recommend this movie. If you were interested in this kind of trashy Japanese flick, I’d definitely go with one of the ones I mentioned above. They’re much funnier, and a lot less exhausting to watch. Although, be well warned that all of these movies are going to be horrifically gory. But, it’s all in a really fake, cartoonish way.