Ben Hur - Lepers!

Movie: Ben Hur

My Rating: 3 stars

 I’ve been going back and watching a bunch of classic movies lately.  It’s because I’ve just started listening to Unspooled, a new podcast that goes through all the movies on the AFI list of top 100 films.  The show hosted by Amy Nicholson and Paul Scheer.  Sheer is one of the guys from the How Did This Get Made podcast, which I also listen to.  I guess he figured he’d punished himself enough with all the terrible movies he had to watch hosting that show, and decided to get himself a little culture.  So, I’ve started watching all these films right along with them.  What I like best about this idea is that these really aren’t films that I would have otherwise selected for myself.  A lot of them look really boring.  (And a few of them are, of course).  But plenty of others are surprisingly delightful.

 This movie, Ben Hur, is one that I ended up liking a lot more than I was expecting to.  I’ve only ever known Charlton Heston as a bit of a punchline.  He’s had some of the sillier and quotable lines of dialogue in cinematic history.  But I had never actually sat through many of his movies.  One of the best parts about this process is that I’m finally getting to see the original source material for a lot of the pop culture references visual tropes that have become a part of our cultural canon.  And, somehow Heston is at the heart of a good amount of these.  In this case, there’s the iconic chariot race scene, and also that image of our hero chained to the oars down in the galley of a slave ship.  I found it super interesting to see.  That’s not to say that I completely enjoyed the task of watching this film.  This movie is incredibly long.  And, the pacing is painfully slow.  I think that’s one of the biggest things that distinguishes new movies from old.  New movies are edited tighter, and move along and a good clip.  Whereas, these old movies drag through scenes, linger on shots, and have a few too many long-winded speeches.  Even that chariot race, this film’s most celebrated and exciting scene, unfolds in real time.  It’s a bit of an ordeal.  I suppose it adds to the sense of fatigue that the characters must be feeling after such a grueling race.

 I think that watching through the AFI list of top 100 movies is a worthwhile exercise.  And accordingly, this is a worthwhile movie to see (and not just because its “important”).  I actually was surprised by how much of this movie I enjoyed.  Of course, you’re not going to want to put on this movie to unwind after a long day.  And, it’s definitely not a film you’re going to want to throw on for the kids with a bowl of popcorn.  It remains a bit of a chore.  So, maybe put it on if you have a lot of laundry to fold.  Or if you want to do a bit of exercise in front of the TV.  Or, watch it in installments.  The film would definitely be a good companion to a repetitive or menial task.  I feel a little bad for qualifying my recommendation so much.  But, I’d rather you see it than not, so feel free to employ any tool necessary to help you get through it.

Isle of Dogs - Quirky, As Expected

Movie: Isle of Dogs

My Rating: 3 stars

 I think I’ll always continue to see any movie that Wes Anderson puts out, regardless of its strengths or weaknesses.  Some of his movies are more compelling than others (to put it diplomatically).  But, even when the content is a bit thinner, I still enjoy Anderson’s aesthetic.  And it this case, I think the film’s visual charms carried the majority of the burden.  This is a story set in Japan on an island to which the city authorities have banished all dogs.  (The pro-cat faction has taken control of the government, and isn’t tolerating any mutts hanging around).  And, one little boy, Atari, has set out on a mission to find and rescue his dog.  Of course, the mission doesn’t go quite as he planned, so the island dogs decide to step in and help him out.

 This is a cute enough premise, but this movie is really more about the elaborate, visual set-pieces than the story.  (This is another Claymation offering, along the lines of Fantastic Mr. Fox).  But, I don’t think the movie’s narrative weakness ruined too much of my enjoyment.  Because that’s not really what drove me to watch this one.  Let’s admit it, we’re all watching these movies for the quirky visuals and appealing retro vibe.  And, in this case, the quirky touch is that the story is told mostly from the point of view of the dogs.  So, the audience can understand what the pups are saying.  But since dogs can’t understand human language, we can’t understand what the people are saying.  Well, I guess you could understand everything if you spoke Japanese.  But since the conceit of the film is that the human characters are always babbling away in the background and don’t really have much bearing on what the dogs are up to, we aren’t given subtitles when the human characters are speaking.  That’s kind of clever.

People didn’t seem to like this movie very much.  It struck some viewers as too experimental.  And, others were offended by the use of Japanese tropes and culture by a white director.  But, I like when directors try new things, and I’m pretty hard to offend.  So, I was on-board for this movie.  It was one I really wanted to see, and I was satisfied with the experience.  And, since anticipating a film too much ahead of time usually ruins it for me, I count this as a success.  So, I recommend this movie for is strangeness and silliness.  However, if you prefer broad comedies and mainstream blockbusters, I’d advise you to skip this one.

Swing Time - Fun (But Awkward)

Movie: Swing Time

My Rating: 3 stars

 Fred Astaire is a delight.  He has such a charming, gaunt, little face.  And, he’s as nimble as a Billy goat.  I guess my love for dance movies extends back into the old-timey sort as well.  I do love choreography.  And that’s definitely why I’m watching these movies.  Because I don’t really care if the local dance troupe saves the neighborhood rec center.  And, these dance movies from the 1930s were similarly light on plot.  Why develop a coherent and compelling narrative when you can solve any conflict or plug any plot hole with an auspiciously timed song and dance number?

So, in this story, Fred Astaire wants to get married.  But, his future father in law isn’t totally sold on the idea of a dancer in a variety show wedding his daughter.  So, Fred’s going to travel to New York for a while to prove his worth by . . . gambling and dancing?  Can that be right?  I mean, I guess it sounds about as plausible as saving the community center through the power of dance, right?  But who cares!  While in New York, Fred meets Ginger Rogers, a lovely dance instructor.  And they fall in love, which puts Fred in an awful pickle.  He’s still planning on taking his gambling winnings back to his fiancé in order to get permission from her father to marry.  But as a dance instructor, Ginger has landed Fred a permanent job dancing at a supper club.  Of course, this leads to a rather unfortunate black-face dance number.  And, that’s a bit awkward if you’re watching this movie in a mixed crowd.  So, perhaps it wouldn’t be a terrible thing for Fred to head back home to live a responsible life in the suburbs.  But once that cringe-inducing dance number is over, the story goes back to the predictable “boy gets the girl” narrative.

All in all, this is a pretty cute movie.  And I do recommend it to casual viewers—insensitive dance numbers aside.  You don’t have to be an aficionado of fine film to appreciate this one.  Because I’ve found that a lot of these movies from the 1930s are actually a lot of fun.  These pre-war movies are usually pretty sexy, and full of exciting night life.  Of course, the movie has got nothing compared to the Thin Man movies, or the Busby Berkely films.  Those will always be the gold standard.  But even I, a person who is typically pretty bored by old-fashioned movies, founds this one to be fun to watch.  So, I say it’s definitely worth checking out.

Black Panther - Pretty Cool

Movie: Black Panther

My Rating: 4 stars

 I liked this movie.  It wasn’t because the story was particularly complex or well-crafted.  The film pretty much follows the format of all these super hero movies we’ve become so familiar with of late.  But, it was really fun to see something different.  This film is yet another super-hero franchise in Marvel’s vast lineup.  And, it really was about time we got a hero that wasn’t a corn-fed white boy.  Not that I don’t enjoy those.  But, we had so many heroes that were so similar that the gimmicks we were using to distinguish one from another were getting pretty contrived.  A lot of it down pretty much came down to cape color.  Of course, I’m being a bit reductive and snarky.  But the point I’m making is that I always like to see a new element come in to mix up a stagnant pool.

 We’ve become accustomed to seeing super hero movies with one token sidekick of color.  And, of course, it was nice when we started seeing that trend start up.  But, it’s really not cutting it any more.  When a story has only one black character, for instance, they’re necessarily written as a pretty broad stereotype.  But when you get to work with a handful different characters, a writer is able to create a much broader range of personalities.  They become individuals rather than symbols.  So, it was very exciting to see the incredible diversity that was possible when every character in this movie was black.  (Except for our token Martin Freeman).  The variety between all the different African tribes that were represented during the multi-nation summit meetings in this film were spectacular.  I wanted to pause the movie so that I could absorb all the little details.  We had good characters, and bad ones; strong ones, and insecure; clever and dopey; beautiful and homely; power-mad and duty bound.  It was quite a palette to play with.  (Plus, I was pretty excited about all the amazing outfits).

 This is a fun movie.  It’s full of crazy action sequences, wild sci-fi technology, acrobatic stunts, amazing costumes, cheesy dialogue—everything you could desire from an action comic.  But, I think it’s also an important movie too.  It’s time to move past the era where the default for every lead in a mainstream blockbuster will be a tall, strapping, European man.  And, this movie provided an excellent start.  This is definitely a movie that everyone can enjoy, and one you won’t want to miss, even if just for the hype.

Tom of Finland - Beefy Lads

Movie: Tom of Finland

My Rating: 3 stars

I liked this movie.  It’s a biopic of artist Touko Valio Laaksonen, better known by his nom de plume, Tom of Finland.  Of course, the subject matter is titillating.  As an artist “Tom” was known for his erotic drawings featuring strapping, muscle-bound bikers, sailors, and cowboys getting into all kinds of mischief.  He’s probably most well-known for his images of leather-clad bikers wearing varying levels of mostly-functionless straps and harnesses.  This guy loved excess.  No lad was ever too beefy, no pants were ever too tight, and no bulge was ever too large.  Images were almost comically larger-than-life.  And, it was super interesting getting to know a little more about the man responsible for these “scandalous” images.  That’s especially the case since Tom was creating this art in a country that was very intolerant of homosexuality at the time.

It’s for that reason that I wouldn’t call this movie a lot of “fun.”   Because, while we do have pleasure of getting better acquainted with this fascinating artist, a good portion of the film deals with the oppression that Tom had to live through while living in Finland.  It was a place where engaging in activities that were even perceived as being homosexual was a crime.  And in the movie, it appears that the police enforced the law quite brutally with various raids and sting operations.  But ultimately, this is an uplifting movie.  It’s important to show the extent of the harassment that gay men lived through in order to appreciate the freedoms that came later.  (And even the freedoms that Tom got a taste of while visiting San Francisco). 

So, I liked this movie.  I had never really known much about Laaksonen as an artist other than a passing familiarity with his images of burly bikers.  So, I enjoyed learning more about what his life was like, and who he was as a person.  And, there are probably a good amount of you that will enjoy learning about him too.  But, I can definitely see how this movie might make some people uncomfortable, with all the explicit, erotic drawings that we get a gander at.   You know how when you’re watching even a very chaste movie, someone always manages to walk in on you during the only sex scene?  Well, this movie is full of opportunities for embarrassment.  So, I wouldn’t recommend watching this with anyone who’d get their feathers too ruffled by watching scenes of an artist lovingly sketching throbbing, bulging crotches.  But really, the rest of the content is pretty tame.  So, just use your discretion when choosing a viewing partner.

Pitch Perfect 3 - It's Another One!

Movie: Pitch Perfect 3

My Rating: 3 stars

I really like these movies.  I love singing.  I love a well-choreographed dance number.  I love Rebel Wilson and her raunchy humor.  And, I really like that these movies don’t take themselves too seriously.  Or, at least, they’ve gradually learned to take themselves less seriously as the franchise has progressed.  (I think that’s kinda what happened with the Fast & Furious movies too).  But, I really get into the spirit of these movies.  While watching them, I usually to sink into the delusion that I can sing and dance too (which is not the case).  But, that doesn’t stop me from trying to sing right along with the movie.  I guess it’s a good thing that I usually watch these things at home. 

You know what happens in these movies.  There’s always some kind of acapella singing tournament.  And, our girls have got to win for one arbitrary reason or another.  Our team is always a bit awkward and inappropriate, but always charming.  (I think I love these movies because I identify with this trait).    Other groups are usually a bit snobby or conceited.  Our girls teach them a lesson or two, but not without being humiliated in some very public way.  We usually get a celebrity cameo or two.  Last time it was Flula.  This time it’s DJ Khaled.  Fun is had by all.  Everyone’s heart is warmed.  They’re all the same.  But, I kinda don’t care.

I always have a great time watching these movies.  But after watching this third installment, I realized that I think I like the idea of these movies more than anything.  The first one was new and exciting, so I forgave it for being a bit sentimental.  I found the second movie to be completely hilarious.  It was my favorite by far.  And, I think this third movie stalled out a bit.  The musical numbers were more elaborate than ever.  But, it got back to a bit of the sappiness I didn’t like in the first film.  And, a lot of the jokes felt a little played out.  But, since I’m so committed to the franchise, I was going to see this one regardless of the quality. (You know what I mean, Fast & Furious).  So, while I don’t think they’ll be making any more of these movies—this one wrapped up all the story lines pretty conclusively—if they were to ever get them started up again, I’d definitely be there.  Because of the completely subjective nature of my enjoyment of these films, I’ll leave it to you to decide whether they’re for you or not.  You’ve probably got a gut feeling leading you in one direction or the other.  And, I’d trust that to guide you.

Downsizing - Phoned-In

Movie: Downsizing

My Rating: 3 stars

The idea for this movie was a pretty good one.  What would happen if we developed the technology to shrink ourselves down permanently?    There’d be a number of reasons to do it.  Some people would do it for ecological reasons since they’d consume less and shrink their carbon footprint.  Others might do it for financial reasons.  Your money would stretch a very long way if your physical needs decreased that dramatically.  And of course, there are still others who may have the procedure done to them against their will, like in the case of human trafficking or incarceration. 

The story has the potential to explore the concept of the creation of a whole new class of people.  By setting themselves apart, and living in their own, separate, wee community, the rest of the world would be forced to interact with these individuals completely differently.  It would skew population density, affect electoral votes, raise a mountain of tax questions.  There’s a lot of potential meat in this topic.  I just wish the screenwriters had done a little more with it. (Or wish that the studio execs hadn’t watered down the script quite so much).  Of course, I don’t know what went on behind the scenes in the making of this movie, but the final result felt very much like a compromise between making potentially troubling social statement and making the movie appeal to a broad audience.  And, I’ve always held the opinion that a compromise is a lose/lose proposition.  Neither party gets what they want.  The film could have made some very interesting social observations or political statements.  How much tax should a tiny person pay?  They get the same vote, but consume far fewer resources.  How much should they pay on common carriers?  Should the government be allowed to make such a severe and irreversible decision about a person’s life and future?  But instead, the story got diluted into a pretty insipid romance.

At least the movie got me thinking about some of these interesting issues.  A good amount of the weighty questions were conspicuous in their absence.  So in a way, the film did make me aware of some of these topics.  I’m not too wild about many of the actors in this film.  But, Christoph Waltz has a bit of a role in the movie, and he’s always a delight.  And, the movie does have a few visual gags that are pretty funny.  So, the film isn’t entirely without its charms.  I’d say, check it out if you’re curious.  You’ll find something to enjoy about the movie.  But, don’t feel obliged.

Ibiza - Re-Live Your 20s

Movie: Ibiza

My Rating: 4 stars

I kinda loved this movie.  On paper, it’s a light and silly, vacation movie.  It’s a story about a young woman whose girlfriends tag along with her on a business trip to Spain.  Naturally, instead of preparing for a big client meeting, she ends up going out with her friends, falling in love with a club DJ, and following him to Ibiza.  Hilarity ensues.  But, the film also has a lot of real emotional impact too.  This is the kind of movie that allows you to remember what it feels like to be young, and alive, and wildly irresponsible.  It’s got it all—booze, drugs, sexual encounters with attractive strangers, dancing all night to EDM.  And, all without the inevitable hangover and crushing sense of regret. 

This is a very goofy comedy.  It’s mostly physical, slapstick, and silly visual jokes.  And yes, it does technically fall into the category of “girls trip comedy” that we’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  But, this one feels tonally different from those crude, cliched flicks.  For a while, it seemed like we were seeing a lot of “rude girl” movies that were trying to capitalize on the success of Bridesmaids (e.g. Girls Trip or Rough Night).  Those movies are fun, but they’re intended to be pure, vulgar comedy, and fail to have any real heart.  However, this movie manages to capture the reckless feeling of being a partying 20-something, while maintaining a lot of the emotional turmoil you’re also going through at that age.  It’s a tough line to walk, but this movie weaves the comedy and the poignancy together seamlessly.  It’s the kind of movie that gets you pumped up and has you asking, “Why don’t we do stuff like that anymore?”  And, then a few scenes later, it reminds you exactly why you don’t.  I don’t know how the filmmakers managed to conjure up the greasy, hazy feeling of being phenomenally hungover, but the sensation is palpable.

I think what really makes this movie a success is the acting.  A lot of actors fancy themselves comedians, but very few of them get it right.  Comedy is an activity best left to the experts.  And, our three main leads, Gillian Jacobs, Vanessa Bayer, and Phoebe Robinson, are experts.  But, it’s not just them.  Really, the whole cast is pretty amazing.  It feels like they all have a really intuitive sense for comedy (especially Vanessa Bayer).  And, the filmmakers had the good sense not to meddle with it.  Nothing can ruin a movie faster than producers notes.  I definitely recommend this movie, as long as you’re not offended by depictions of excessive drug and alcohol use.  But, the movie isn’t really condoning that kind of thing.  It just asks you to accept that it exists out in the world, and gently pokes fun at it.  So, if you’re willing to forego clutching your pearls for an evening, I think you’ll find that this movie is a lot of fun.

The Greatest Showman - Sugary Sweet

Movie: The Greatest Showman

My Rating: 3 stars

I did not care for this movie.  And that surprised me very much.  Because, this is usually exactly the kind of movie I love—wild costumes, big choreographed musical numbers, a roguish, yet sympathetic protagonist.  Sign me up!  And, this movie did deliver all of these elements.  But, unfortunately the tone was a little too sappy and on-the-nose for my taste.  And, it kind of ruined the experience for me.  The movie is nominally about P.T. Barnum getting started in the circus and sideshow business.  I wasn’t expecting the movie to be an accurate representation of that historical scoundrel.  And it wasn’t.  It’s a big musical with saturated colors, dancing, and excitement everywhere you look.  The movie uses the personage of P.T. Barnum as more of a stand-in for a wild and unconventional businessman.  And, it ignores the seedier, more avaricious nature of the enterprise.

Hugh Jackman is nothing if not earnest.  And, god-bless him for that.  But watching sincere love songs, where characters gaze deeply into one another’s eyes and touch each other’s’ faces kinda makes me gag.  And, this movie seems to be filled with nothing but that.  And, the movie is also full of very high-roady themes, like self-acceptance and pulling oneself up by the bootstraps.  And while this is all very morally gratifying, it can get a bit treacly and nauseating.  I don’t have a very high tolerance for cheesiness, and this movie definitely provided more than my acceptable daily dose.  But, I told you I didn’t want to get too crabby in this review, so now I’m going to say some nice things.

There is still plenty to like about the movie, even if you don’t normally go in for sentimental stuff.  Like I said, the movie is full of brilliant colors, and music, and excitement.  It really feels like a spectacle.  And, all the songs are originals.  So, even though I didn’t find them to be the catchiest songs of all time, it’s an impressive feat, and they were still pretty fun.  And, I was pretty impressed by the very diverse cast.  Of course, it’s a Hollywood movie so the actors are all pretty attractive.  But, the cast if full of people of all different sizes, shapes, and colors.  It goes along with the theme of acceptance, I guess.

I don’t think you should take my personal dislike of this movie as an indication of what you should do.  I recognize that I have very specific tastes and preferences.  And, I can see objectively how this movie would appeal to a pretty broad audience.  So, if you think this movie looks fun, by all means, go see it.  I imagine that most people can stomach a higher level of sincerity than I can, so use your own judgment on this one.  But just as a last warning, I thought the trailer made the movie look immensely fun.  And, I felt like there was a little bit of a bait and switch.

The Phantom Thread - Snooze-O-Rama

Movie: The Phantom Thread

My Rating: 3 stars

Now, I don’t want to sound like a total curmudgeon, but it may be inevitable in this case.  Because, I thought this movie was pretty darn snoozy.  The Academy loved this film.  People loved it too (or they said they did . . . maybe in an attempt to present themselves as sophisticated and cultured).  But, as the years have gone by, and I’ve viewed more and more of the films the Academy has decided to grace with an award nomination, I’ve been come pretty suspicious of the whole system.  Are decisions being made based on industry politics?  Are people afraid of looking dumb if they say they didn’t like a critically acclaimed movie?  Or maybe people are genuinely dazzled by these stuffy pieces with their fancy clothes and British accents.  Of course, this is just my cynical take on the whole industry.  But, let me give you the synopsis, and just see if you can conjure up any interest.

This movie is about a very persnickety fashion designer, Reynolds Woodcock.  He creates immensely formal evening wear.  His work is in very high demand, but it seems like that’s due more to its exclusivity than the aesthetics.  Now, every designer needs a muse, and this guy burns through a lot of them.  We enter his life just as he’s getting tired of his last model, and becoming intrigued by a new girl, Alma.  And, we get to ride the highs and lows of Reynolds’ erratic mood swings right alongside Alma.  So, if we put aside all the set-dressing of clothing and the fashion industry, we see that this is essentially a movie about an emotionally abusive relationship—codependent city, population: 3. (Because, Reynolds’ creepy older sister Cyril is always hovering in the wings, ready to swoop in to micromanage the relationship).  It’s a bit of a slog.  But then, I don’t typically go in for dramas.

I had a hard time with this movie.  It was a total snoozefest.  But, I’m fully willing to consider that it may be due to my general distaste for serious dramas, with all the emotionally loaded gazing into the mid-distance, and meaningful silences.  So, please feel free to get a second opinion from someone who’s into this kind of drama.  Or, from someone who is really into the fashion element.  Perhaps my synopsis may have actually stirred up some interest in you.  In which case, watch this movie with my blessing.  But, in my opinion you can get all you need out of this film by looking up pictures of the dresses, and reading a plot synopsis online.

Red Sparrow - Spicy Stuff

Movie: Red Sparrow

My Rating: 4 stars

I really enjoyed this movie.  And, that came as a bit of a surprise, since I had been hearing some chatter about the film being somewhat disappointing.  But, I suppose that just set me up to be pleasantly surprised.  I had been expecting the movie to be entertaining after watching the trailer.  It’s a movie about a sexy, Russian spy, Dominika Egorova, trained in the art of seduction, using her wiles on an American CIA operative to get . . . I don’t know . . . information?  Well, whatever it is she wants or is trying to accomplish, it’s bound to be pretty spicy.  And it is.  Of course, the movie is also pretty brutal and gruesome.  But, that’s to be expected from those crazy Russians, am I right?  I don’t know why so many people were making a stink about this movie not living up to expectations.  Because, it pretty much delivers exactly what it claims to.

So yes, I enjoyed the movie, and yes, I found it to be very entertaining.  The spy story has plenty of twists and turns.  The human story is very compelling.  Dominika’s life looks like a total nightmare.  She’s stuck doing her sordid sex missions, managing the various disgusting men who are always pawing at her, all while trying to prevent being offed by her own government.  So, you know, the movie’s a good time. ;)  But, I feel like it’s my duty to tell you that this is a very shocking and jarring movie.  This isn’t an easy, good time, relax with your family kind of movie.  It is full to the brim with frank sexual content, and callous torture and murder scenes.  But you know, it’s a story about spies, and enhanced interrogation techniques, and all that.  So, you should really know what you’re getting yourself into.  But, I just thought it’d be fair of me to warn you in case you were under the impression that this’d make a good pick to watch with the in-laws or something.  (It wouldn’t). 

I do recommend this movie, as long as you’re prepared for a pretty intense psychological thriller.  But honestly, the violence isn’t the most remarkable thing about this movie.  It’s the twists and turns of the story that I remember best.  I was telling a friend about how much I liked the movie, and she said that she’d heard it was pretty gory.  And, I actually had to stop and think back about it to figure out what parts she was referring to.  That’s how compelling I found the story to be.  Of course, this isn’t a serious film.  I think it’s meant to be thrilling and titillating—not high art.  But, if that’s the kind of movie you’re looking for, this one is a good pick.

Molly's Game - A Bit of a Stinker

Movie: Molly’s Game

My Rating: 2 stars

I think I must have approached this movie in the wrong way.  From what I heard, people seemed to think that it was very interesting and impressive.  But, oh brother, did I ever find this movie to be a chore.  When I sat down to watch this movie, I was expecting to see a fictionalized true story about a brilliant entrepreneurial woman who was using her wits to get ahead in a man’s world.  (Or something tonally like that).  But, I was really expecting too much from this character. 

This story is about Molly Bloom, a woman running an underground, high- stakes poker game for a group of famous and wealthy clients.  We witness her rise, and her inevitable fall, when her illegal activities are exposed and ultimately prosecuted.  It kinda broke my heart to watch this movie present Molly, as a fancy business lady.  Now, I know that running illegal card games is pretty universally considered to be a tacky undertaking.  But, the screenwriters seemed to be genuinely trying to make the audience feel like our protagonist was a sophisticated genius, and that this undertaking was a classy affair.  But, it really just felt like a cliched, tawdry mess to me. 

I think the part that I found to be the most distasteful was how the script was really trying to force the theme of ethics.  And, it felt like shameless pandering.  The writers were trying to make a whole meal out of the fact that Molly didn’t want to reveal the names of her clients in the discovery process of her criminal trial.  And, then they doubled down with her relationship with her lawyer.  He doesn’t want to take on her case at first, but he is gradually convinced that she is a decent lady who is doing the right thing, so her case must have merit.  It feels very contrived.  And, I’m not seeing anything that distinguishes this case from any other illegal gambling criminal case.  But again, maybe I read the tone of the film incorrectly from the outset. 

It will come as no surprise to you that I do not recommend this movie.  Of course, I’m fully willing to listen to anyone else’s arguments to the contrary.  Because, while I found this movie to be unbearably trite, I do have the feeling in my gut that I’m treating it a bit unfairly.  But then, I’ve never claimed that my reviews were anything other than my own, subjective opinions.  So, I’d be very interested in hearing what other people thought about this film.

Baby Driver - Surprisingly Fresh

Movie: Baby Driver

My Rating: 4 stars

I think a lot of people didn’t know quite how to feel about this movie.  Because, it really is a strange beast.  It’s a story about a surprisingly young getaway driver for bank heists—Baby.  He’s an eccentric kid—never talking, an exceptionally precise driver, and always listening to music in his headphones.  We get to see the getaway sequences from his point of view, as if they’re choreographed to the tunes he’s listened to.  It’s pretty cool.  But this movie is still different from your typical heist flick. 

It’s got all the trappings of a typical heist film.  But, then it’s also highly stylized and composed.  It’s not a combination we’ve been conditioned to expect.  These days, heist movies are either big budget, action flicks, with all the fights and explosions.  You can split that category down into films that take themselves very seriously, and ones that are more tongue-in-cheek.  Then there’s your sparse, spare, indie films that are usually pretty gritty and brutal.  But, this movie was a mix of stylishly choreographed action sequences, and nostalgic stylized charm.  Almost all the dialogue feels like it’s a tribute to the heist genre (which may sound a little odd, since this is, itself, a heist film).  But, it works.  It makes you reflect on what you’re watching.  And, the effect felt new and fresh to me.

Of course, the main device in the film is the music.  Baby seems half checked out of life.  He never seems to be paying much attention to where he is, who he’s with, or what’s going on around him.  He’s always only listening to his music.  And, we’re right there, listening alongside him.  But, Baby has laser-like focus when he’s driving.  And, the music is the complete focus of these scenes.  I love being transported to the kind of fantasy world that good choreography can create.  I think some of this film’s detractors were just a little bit confused by the fantasy.  But as long as you don’t go into this movie expecting something very specific, I think there’s a lot to like about it.  I do recommend this movie.  It’s got a little bit in it for everyone.  There’s excitement, action sequences, beautiful choreography, narrative intrigue, a bit of romance.  Of course, this is a movie about violent crime, so there is a fair amount of violence.  So that might keep a few people away.  But overall, It’s a good time.

The Lure - A Dark Fairy Tale

Movie: The Lure

My Rating: 3 stars

The world has become a pretty small place, what with the internet connecting people from all over the globe.  And, that means that means that a certain amount of our media and entertainment has become pretty homogenized.  We all drink the same coffee now, wear the same fashions, and watch the same Hollywood blockbusters.  But, every now and then, a bizarre treasure like this movie comes along, and demonstrates to us that other cultural ideas and aesthetics are still alive and kicking out there.  This movie is a small Polish production, and it is truly strange. 

This is a story about two mermaid sisters, Silver and Golden, who decide to come ashore in Warsaw, Poland to kill a little time living amongst humans.  They’re not necessarily Polish mermaids.  But, they explain to us that they’ve learned the language by loitering on the beach, and listening to tourists.  It makes total sense.  The movie is set in a semi-fictional world where the existence of legendary creatures is acknowledged and expected.  Or maybe Polish people kinda do believe in mythical beasts?  Of course, your average person won’t run into a mermaid, or Poseidon, or a succubus every day.  It’s still a remarkable event when a person meets one.  But, no one in this story is surprised by the mermaids’ existence.  

And, our sisters are using their unique talents to their advantage on dry land.  There are many important or lucrative things that real mermaids could do in the world to make their fortunes—contributing to science, specialized spy work, celebrity meet-and-greets.  And our girls have chosen . . . performing in a sleazy cabaret.  That’s right.  These extraordinary, unique creatures are peddling their wares topless, and lounging in a giant martini glass.  But hey, it makes it easy for the girls to meet men that they can lure into dark alleys so that they can devour their hearts and other organs.  Because, that’s what mermaids do . . . eat the still warm heart right out of a man’s chest.  This movie reads as a sort of dark fairy tale.  The story line follows the structure of one of those brutal, old fashioned fables, like Grimm’s.  And, it’s just as bloody and sexualized as they can be.  The internal logic is dreamy and magical.  The stakes are high, and lessons are learned the hard way.

This is a very weird movie, and there aren’t many people I’d recommend it to.  But, I definitely would recommend it to the right kind of movie aficionado.  You’d have to be the kind of person who likes experimental indie films, or weird foreign ones.  This is the kind of movie that I would have gone and seen by myself at one of those independent art house theaters in the 90s.  I used to go to the strangest darkest movies.  So, if you were one of those weird, film-teens like I was, then this peculiar specimen may just be for you.  If not, really steer clear of this one because I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.

Doctor Strange - Saving the World With Tilda Swinton

Movie: Doctor Strange

My Rating: 3 stars

I can go in for a frivolous superhero, action movie from time to time.  And, this one looked fun enough—a doctor who learns how to bend and manipulate time and space from monks in Katmandu.  I mean, that’s what we’re all hoping to get out of meditation, right?  The ability to conjure wormholes out of thin air, summon sentient weaponry, and wear specialty monk costumes that makes you look like you’re about to fight a round in Mortal Kombat—I’d be willing to suffer through a bit of chanting and ruminating for that.  But our protagonist, Doctor Strange, is a remarkable man to begin with, so when given the materials to do these amazing things, he stays true to his overachieving roots and goes for the spectacular.  He’s just helping to save the world from an evil, trans-dimensional demon, no big deal.  And, he’s doing it all with the help of a bald Tilda Swinton.  Now that’s entertainment!

As I’ve mentioned in some of my other posts about superhero movies, I never really followed any of these comics, so I don’t have much knowledge of the properties.  Consequently, I don’t have the same emotional investment in the films that a true fan might have.  In some instances that can be a good thing.  I’ve known superfans to be wildly disappointed in how a director has treated their treasured comic before.  And, that wouldn’t be fun.  But then, I don’t get to feel the corresponding soaring high when a director gets it right.  Nevertheless, I thought this movie was a pretty good time.  Although, (and I almost feel crazy for saying this) clocking it at just under two hours, this movie felt a little bit rushed for a Marvel movie.  That sounds insane, I know.  But, I’ve gotten so used to these huge superhero behemoths running close to three hours, that that’s what I mentally prepared myself for.

See this movie if the mood strikes you.  It took me a pretty long time to get around to it, but I don’t think I suffered for the delay.  So, it’s no big deal if you decide to skip it.  But, I had a good time watching it.  And I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t too . . . unless you have some prejudice against wizards, of course. (And, who doesn't, really?)

Lady Bird - We've All Been There

Movie: Lady Bird

My Rating: 3 stars

I have pretty mixed feelings about this movie.  On one hand, it is a genuinely authentic-feeling story about what it feels like to be a teenager—covering desires, relationships, aspirations.  But, on the other, it also feels fairly unremarkable.  It’s a mystery how the members of the Academy end up selecting which specific movies they want to single out for their awards.  And, when I see movies like this make it into the final cut, it starts to seem more than likely that there are some fishy, backroom deals, or political bargaining going on.  Because, this movie is perfectly fine, but it didn’t stand out to me more than any other high school, coming-of-age story I’ve seen.

I don’t want to sound like I’m being too critical of this movie.  I liked it well enough.  And, it definitely stirred up some pretty complex feelings and memories from back when I was a teen.  Those are some of the most difficult years in a person’s life.  It’s a time full of trying to conform while your body and life are going through some very dramatic changes.  Teens can be ruthless rule-enforcers—all at a time when most things that are happening are beyond one’s control.  It’s a prison.  And, the situation is so perverse.  But of course, there are also some bad surprises waiting for people who thought high school was a breeze.  Eighteen isn’t an age in which one would want to stop emotionally developing.  And, kids who are too popular and accepted are in serious danger of stunting their emotional growth and becoming like one of those sad creeps hanging around school after they’ve graduated.  No one wants that.  These are obviously fertile grounds for screenwriters to till.  But most people get to experience it for themselves.  So, movies that explore some of these basic themes don’t feel like they’re doing anything very noteworthy.

I feel like I should have liked this movie more than I did because everyone else seemed to be raving about it around Oscar season.  But, I suspect that maybe some of that enthusiasm might have been secondary.  Perhaps a few of those critics were going bananas for this movie because they felt the same way I did.  Or, maybe I just missed something.  Who knows?  Part of me says you might want to see this movie just so you’ll know what everyone else has been talking about.  But, the other part of me says “You’re a busy lady.  You don’t have to waste your limited leisure time doing things you don’t want to do.”

The Death of Stalin - Pitch Black Comedy

Movie: The Death of Stalin

My Rating: 3 stars

What an odd, dark movie.  I’m not even quite sure how describe it, because no one archetype really seems to fit this unique film.  It’s been advertised as a black comedy about the chaotic days in Russia after Stalin is discovered to have died.  Immediately, his family, his cabinet, and political allies are thrown into a panic, trying desperately to fill the power vacuum with something that would be most advantageous (and least perilous) for them.  And, I guess it’s technically accurate to call this movie a comedy.  I suppose it is a comedic character study.  But, the subjects are some of the most ruthless, scheming, power-hungry despots in history.  So, any laughs the material generates still leaves one rather unsettled.  Because, when that kind of conniving character is sent into a survivalist panic, he’s at his most dangerous.  The best thing to survive this kind of upheaval would be to go into deep hiding until the worst of the political storm has blown over.  But, the historical figures in this story chose to negotiate and scheme and form alliances instead.  And, we all know by now that that really only works for the party that wins.

I found this movie to be very interesting, if not classically entertaining.  And, I’m glad I took the time to go see it.  I really am a fan of dark comedies.  Although, this film definitely falls at the most nihilistic end of the black comedy spectrum.  It really does make one feel like life is meaningless, and that all is hopeless.  And, that’s not traditionally what people reach for when selecting a diversion.  This film is certainly not a crowd pleaser.  But, sometimes I get tired of watching the same old thing all the time, and this is just the kind of bizarre headscratcher that can pique my interest.  I think I would recommend this movie, but it’s not for your average moviegoer.  It would help if you have an interest in Russian history, or a strong appreciation for the blackest humor.  I happened to watch this movie with a companion who fell into both categories, so that was a bonus.  Although, it was still the kind of movie that when it was over, the whole audience filed wordlessly out of the theater, pretty confused about what they had just seen.  I realize that I’m really qualifying my recommendation of this quite a bit.  But, if that description hasn’t scared you off this movie, then I think you’ll really get a lot out of it.

Train to Busan - Zombies on a Train

Movie: Train to Busan

My Rating: 4 stars

I watch a lot of zombie movies.  And, I read a lot of reviews from people who watch a lot of zombie movies.  So, when I heard my fellow zombie-lovers raving about this new Korean movie I had to check it out.  So, I watched it, and . . . it’s a zombie movie, just like many others I’ve seen.  Yes, it was a good movie.  I do like these things after all.  And, this movie was well executed.  But’s it’s pretty much got all the tropes of a classic tale of the undead—good guys, bad guys, bad guys that turn good, budding romance, children that must be protected, maybe a pregnant lady, people who don’t want to accept that their loved on has turned.  It’s all in there.  So, I tried to figure out why this movie came so highly recommended.  And, then I realized that the person who recommended the movie to me is a dad whose daughter looks exactly like the main, little girl protagonist whose dad is trying to protect her from the threat.  And, then it all became clear.  But, I won’t hold it against him.

Of course, this film does have the gimmick of placing most of the story’s action on a moving commuter train.  That creates an interesting narrative limitation.  First of all, there’s the familiar nightmare of being trapped in a very tight, enclosed location with an infectious zombie.  Then there’s the issue of movement.  Since the characters are stuck moving along what is essentially a two-dimensional line, their strategies for avoiding danger must adapt.  If there are zombies on a middle car, the people at the back of the train will have to find a way to go right through them if they’re going to reach the survivors at the front—especially when the people at the front are threatening to uncouple from the rest of the train to leave the infected behind.  And, the fact that the actual train is stuck traveling along unmoving tracks creates interesting problems when the train meets a roadblock, or when the conductor learns that the city toward which they are traveling is completely infested.  There’s no way to change course suddenly.  And, this movie features fast, running zombies.  They’d be on you in an instant if you tried to get out and run for it.  So, I suppose this movie does have a few novel ideas to offer.

I think I would end up recommending this movie, even though it may not be the completely innovative film that I had originally assumed it was.  The movie really is well executed.  And, even though it sticks to classic tropes, it does play by the rules of zombie lore.  I’ll admit to comparing this movie to others in the genre (and also Snowpiercer—another Korean horror movie set on a train).  I guess trains are an important part of daily life in Korea?  But, comparing films is usually a losing game.  And, I usually try to evaluate films on their own merits.  And, this one passes the test.  Enthusiasts of the zombie genre will be satisfied by this offering.

Rough Night - A Bit Derrivative

Movie: Rough Night

My Rating: 3 stars

This movie was alright.  I didn’t hate it or anything.  But, by no means did I think it was anything better than a mediocre attempt to capitalize on the bawdy shenanigans of the misbehaving ladies from Bridesmaids.  I mean, I guess we are living in the times of emotionally stunted, adults with a bad case of Peter Pan Syndrome.  We’re a whole generation of new adults who no longer have limitations set on us by our parents, who don’t yet have the responsibilities of families of our own (if we ever get them), and who have the disposable income to make our most destructive dreams a reality.  So, it’s only natural that a bunch of comedies will have popped up celebrating our childish antics.  But unfortunately, this movie just felt a bit to derivative of a lot of the comedies I’ve been seeing lately.

Scarlett Johansson plays an uptight political candidate who is getting married.  And, her irresponsible college friends are throwing her a bachelorette party.  Naturally that means a trip to Miami, a bunch of drugs, and males strippers that Scarlett does not want.  But, her friends sure do.  These irresponsible friends are played by Kate McKinnon, Ilana Glazer, and Jillian Bell—all actors who are well known for their lewd and juvenile antics.  And, then there’s Zoe Kravitz, who plays another uptight business-lady type—because every party needs a pooper.  And, the story gets off to a disastrous start as these rowdy bachelorettes somehow manage to kill their stripper.  Now, they’ve got to figure out how to dispose of the body before anyone finds out—all while drunk and completely coked out of their gourds.  Yes, it sounds like wild and wacky fun.  And, yes it also sounds completely like a whole mess of other movies you’ve already seen—Bridesmaids, The Night Before, and Sisters come to mind immediately.  And, it really follows the formula pretty closely.

Again, this isn’t a bad film.  It’s enjoyable enough, so if you want to see it, don’t let me dissuade you. I enjoyed it for what it was—a little bit of rude fun, but essentially a cynical cash-grab based on a tried and true formula.  But, there are a few performances that still stand out in this movie.  I always love Jillian Bell.  She was made for comedy, and this role suits her perfectly.  I also kinda loved Ty Burrell and Demi Moore as the creepy, oversexed cougar couple who live next-door to the girls’ vacation house, and who are always trying to lure them into some kind of nude hot-tubbing.  They are hilarious, and they perform really well off each other.  And, they are the best parts of what would otherwise be a pretty unremarkable movie.  So, I’ll leave it up to you to decide on this one for yourselves.

Johnny Mnemonic - Pretty Painful

Movie: Johnny Mnemonic

My Rating: 2 stars

Uuuuuugh.  I’m not quite sure how to write out the primordial wail that emanated from my soul after trying to make sense of this movie.  Not that anyone was asking me to.  This is a very old movie about the internet.  It came out in 1995.  And, we all know that very old movies about the internet are always groaners.  I guess that’s part of the fun.  But, I’m pretty sure I watched this movie about twenty years too late to enjoy it properly.  I suppose if I had watched it and liked it right when it came out, I might have some nostalgic love for the film that would outweigh how ridiculous it is.  But, I watched this movie for the first time in 2018, and it really didn’t hold up to the kind of scrutiny I was giving it.

The movie stars Keanu Reeves as our cyber-courier.  He carries highly sensitive information that has been uploaded into his brain to clients that are very secretive, and usually dangerous.  We get some classic mid-90s Keanu Reeves acting too—always monotone, never really quite sure of the appropriate tone for the scene.  These days, Keanu Reeves has finally found the perfect role for his understated acting style in the John Wick character.  And, I had almost forgotten why he had been such a punchline for jokes about bad acting for the longest time.  So, I was delighted to be reminded of how completely dramatically tone-deaf he once was.  That was a treat.  But unfortunately, I had to sit through the rest of this nonsense story.  Granted, it’s always pretty hilarious to see what people from a long time ago thought the future was going to look like.  In this case, it’s a grimy dystopia with an extreme rift between the high-tech luxurious lives of the rich, and the oil-can fires of the technophobic poor.  Technology body implants are a thing in this world, but there are just as many dangerous, back-alley body-mods as there are safe, sterile ones.  But, the biggest takeaway I got from this movie is that people in the future are really into face paints, vaguely Asian garb, and silver tops.  Sadly, there were no shiny jumpsuits.

I don’t think this movie is worth watching if you’re coming to it for the first time now.  I’m sure it has some nostalgia value for people who knew and loved the film in the 90s.  But, it really doesn’t hold up.  I suppose there’s a pretty interesting anthropological essay that could be written about people’s perception of the future based on this and a bunch of the other “internet” movies that came out in the 90s.  But, if you’re just looking for a movie to watch for fun, keep looking.