Sorry to Bother You - Wild!

Movie: Sorry to Bother You

My Rating: 5 stars

 Now, this movie is something special.  It’s crazy, and insane, and brilliant!  And, just when the story starts spiraling out of control, and you think it couldn’t possibly get any weirder, it goes ahead and blows through your expectations.  I’ll give you a brief description of the story, but really, you should go into this movie knowing as little as possible about it.  It’s way more fun that way.  Cassius Green (Lakeith Stanfield) needs a job, but all he’s been able to find is a crappy telemarketing gig that’s draining his will to live.  When he learns the secret to success in this cut-throat business, he’s granted access behind the scenes, where he learns about all the industry’s shady dealings.  His girlfriend, Detroit (Tessa Thompson), is a subversive street artist, and she’s not so sure she likes the new company-man that Cassius has become.

This movie is wild.  The outrageous story is highlighted with sequences of magical realism, and tons of dark humor—two of my favorite elements in a film.  A lot of it is pretty disturbing, actually.  But, it’s meant to be.  The film takes a pretty serious stance of a couple different, very bleak, social and political issues.  But, the message is delivered with so much humor and horror, that the demoralizing message feels like pure entertainment going down.  This is the kind of movie that will have you exclaiming out loud.  (Really, I’m not sure how anyone seeing this movie in the theater would have been able to concentrate, with all the laughing and yelling it inspires).  I can’t believe that this is the first feature film that Boots Riley has directed, because it’s pretty much perfect—the acting, the effects, the pacing, the humor.  I loved it.  And, so many of the concepts he uses in the story and filmmaking feel brand new.  When’s the last time you were really surprised by a movie?

 I would definitely recommend this film, but cautiously.  The movie gets pretty raunchy, and it will definitely cause some heated arguments if viewed in mixed political company.  It’s not for kids.  It’s not for tea-sipping grannies.  (Whisky swilling grannies, maybe).  But, this movie is so delightfully rebellious that I urge you to find a way to watch it.  All the people I know who saw it before me insisted that I watch it immediately, and then tell them what I thought.  And, I can totally understand that impulse now.  So, go ahead and watch it, and then tell me what you thought.

Bohemian Rhapsody - See it!

Movie: Bohemian Rhapsody

My Rating: 5 stars

 I absolutely loved this movie!  Really, I can’t praise it highly enough.  The story, the music, everything—there wasn’t a dry eye in the house after the movie finished.  I saw it in the theater, and it was a really moving experience.  This movie is, of course, a biopic of Freddie Mercury, and the band he was in, Queen.  I didn’t really know much about Mercury going into the film.  I was familiar with his music, the same as everyone else.  Somehow, Queen’s music has really seeped into the fabric of American culture so deeply that we’re all aware of it whether we know it or not.  And, this movie is full of their songs from start to finish.  They’re woven perfectly into the story—a perfect balance of narrative and song.  And, I was really quite surprised by how many of Queen’s songs I actually knew by heart.  And, I’ve never really thought of myself specifically as a fan of theirs.

 But as I mentioned before, I knew nothing of Freddie Mercury’s life story.  And, this movie starts with him as a rather rebellious college-age kid, living with his very conservative parents.  And, the movie continues on with him pushing boundaries wherever he came up against them—gender roles, sexuality, band politics, record label negotiations, relationships in general.  It looked like a pretty lonely life—and sad.  It broke my heart to watch.  Because, I can relate to the concept of the alienating effect of a strong personality.  Of course, I’d never want to give up that fire behind the eyes to be “normal.”  And, I’m glad Freddie never did either.  It’s a hard life.  It requires a lot of apologizing, hat in hand (literally—Freddie shared my penchant for novelty headwear).  But, all you need is one person in your life who’s willing to smile beatifically at you, and pat you on the head, as you laugh maniacally in their face.  And, then everything will be alright.  Wow!  At some point this post morphed and became alarmingly all about me. :o/  But, so be it!

 I think this movie hit me so hard because all of Queen’s big songs were written from that really emotional place deep inside that makes us cry when we see an ice-skating performance that’s too beautiful.  Anyone else?  Is that just me?  Oh well, you know what I’m talking about.  (If not, is your heart made of stone?)  And, Freddie Mercury’s amazing voice captures that raw emotion in the most visceral way possible.  And everyone else in the theater was weeping alongside me.  (So, I’m not the only weirdo).  You need to see it!  I want to see it again!  Maybe next time at home, so that I can sing along without too much side-eye.  Don’t wait.  I’m sure you’ll love this film too.  In conclusion, I think this exercise has taught us all a little too much about me . . . I’ll show myself out.

Free Solo - A Real White-Knuckle Ride

Movie: Free Solo

My Rating: 5 stars

 Oh man!  I can’t describe this movie without using the word “tense” about a billion times.  This is a seriously nerve-wracking film.  It’s a documentary about rock-climber Alex Honnold, on his mission to free-climb El Capitan in Yosemite Valley.  That’s a 3,200-foot rock wall.  And this crazy kid decided to climb it in one go, without any ropes or protective gear.  It’s a completely insane venture, and even the filmmakers were debating whether it was ethical to be filming (and indirectly encouraging) a man that could fall to his death at any moment.

  I saw this one in the theater last weekend, and it had me literally sweating.  I was on the edge of my seat, and my palms were sweaty the whole time.  I think everyone in the theater was just as tense.  The scariest part of the movie is that all the filmmakers were sweating it too.  If we just saw endeavor from Alex’s point of view, the audience probably wouldn’t be so worried, because that guy is cool as a cucumber.  But, we learn in the film that Honnold’s brain differs from the “typical” brain in that he doesn’t get scared or alarmed by things that others find terrifying.  So, I’m glad we get to see the story unfold from the point of view of Alex’s film crew—a group of his rock-climbing friends.  Because, they are absolutely terrified for him.  They train with him the whole way, but as the day draws closer, they all start to get really nervous.  None of them really wants him to do this climb, but they know they can’t stop him.  And, when he actually does attempt the feat, few of them have the nerve to watch.

The cinematography in this film is absolutely stunning.  A lot of it was filmed by a crew that was climbing the exact same wall that Alex was.  Of course, they’re all tied in with ropes.  But having the camera up there with him really gives the audience a sense of just how high and crazy this climb it.  The camera sweeps down the wall, showing the height.  And, it sweeps up to give a sense of what a marathon the task is.  It pulls out from a close-up shot of Alex physically exerting himself, to an incredibly wide shot so that we can see just how tiny this guy is on the massive wall.  It’s pretty dizzying. 

I do not recommend this movie for anyone who has any issues with heights, or who has delicate nerves.  It feels like a feat just being able to watch this whole movie without having a complete nervous breakdown.  I had to go wash my sticky hands after it was over.  But, the movie is amazing.  Alex Honnold is an anomaly, and people like that are naturally fascinating.  And, this lean, wiry guy is very charming.  And, I guess that’s what makes him so dangerous.  Even his friends liken climbing with his to smoking cigarettes.  It’s bad for them, but they keep coming back.  His recklessness is contagious, and his friends are worried that it may get them killed one day.  But, of course, this makes for a completely compelling documentary subject.  I loved the film, and recommend it to anyone with the constitution for it.

Tomb Raider (2018) - Just Alright

Movie: Tomb Raider

My Rating: 3 stars

 I’m getting a little tired of these movies.  And, by “these movies,” I mean films about really tough, beautiful women, who are good at everything they attempt—martial arts, fist fights, fashion, survival skills, cryptography, killing and dressing elk.  And, Lara Croft is the ultimate bad-ass babe—good at everything, and looking awesome while doing it.  Of course, these stories are always good fun, but they’ve become so clichéd and predictable that it takes a lot of the joy out of it.  But, obviously that didn’t keep me away from this movie.

I guess I just can’t resist these movies, even though they’re becoming less fun for me.  I suppose it’s marketing.  Tomb Raider is a well-known property.  And, there’s definitely a part of me that would love to be a dangerous chick like Lara Croft.  And, I guess the movie studios are counting on consumers like me (and sweaty dudes) to keep this sort of film afloat.  The whole Tomb Raider franchise was definitely due for a quality reboot.  That Angelina Jolie disaster from 2001 was embarrassingly corny.  And, this is definitely an upgrade.  It’s no longer just about Lara’s boobs.  There’s really an attempt to send her on an exciting and mysterious adventure.  The movie’s got beautiful actors, good special effects, great sets, a moderately complex story, and tolerable acting.  But, it still felt a little tired.  I know a reboot is supposed to be a retelling of an old story, but this movie relies on so many old tropes that it feels recycled.

See this movie or don’t.  It’s a lot of mindless fun.  But, it’d be no big loss to miss it.  The story is adventurous.  There are a lot of physical brawls, a lot of ravines to be jumped, lots of guns, and complex ancient puzzles.    And, the actors are charming.  I always like Alicia Vikander.  And, Dominic West is pretty fun.  Walton Goggins is always the perfect, greasy villain.  And, Daniel Wu is pretty hot stuff.  The movie is definitely exciting and action-packed, but it’s still well-worn territory.  I suppose it’s a crowd-pleaser if you have a lot of family over, and people have really mixed taste.  I like to call these “airplane movies.”  So, my advice is that you use it the way these films are intended—as a tool to stave off boredom.

Bonnie & Clyde - Another Quality Film

Movie: Bonnie & Clyde

My Rating: 4 stars

I’ve really been enjoying following along with the Unspooled podcast.  I’ve been watching all these classy films, and feeling really cultured because of it.  Plus, I’ve come to discover that a lot of these snooty, old-timey movies that I assumed would be so boring, are actually pretty great.  And, that’s always a fun surprise.  I’m sure we’re all vaguely aware of what this movie’s about.  This is America’s famous bank-robbing duo.  But, I really only knew about this story by reputation and wasn’t completely sure how the tale would unfold.  Of course, I was familiar with how attractive Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway looked while playing the parts.  Those are two good-looking people, and their costumes are the absolute coolest.  But, I went into this movie pretty blind. 

I’m not sure what I was expecting from this movie.  I guess I was expecting something about a couple of lovers with terrible home-lives going on bank-robbing, murder spree to fund their fancy habits.  But, almost none of that is true.  These two aren’t lovers.  Well, Bonnie is feeling Clyde’s vibe, but Clyde seems to be absolutely terrified of his partner, and never even wants to be left alone in a room with her.  And in fact, this really isn’t a criminal duo.  Clyde starts adding gang members just as fast as he can just to create a buffer between him and that lusty lass.  First, he adds a random gas-station attendant to the posse.  Then he gets his brother and sister-in-law involved.  And, nothing kills the mood faster than family.  The group seems to be engaging in a life of crime not because they need the cash, but really out of pure boredom (or maybe to impress each other).  I supposed it’s really a cry for attention and strangely, for approval.  The movie was completely different from what I was expecting.  It’s the kind of movie that really gets one contemplating people’s motives and human nature.  And, being a drama, it also makes you a little sad too.

This classic movie is really more about its very flawed protagonists than it is a story about crime.  And, I guess that’s why the story ages so well.  I had a great time getting to know the characters and drooling over their wardrobes.  The story was almost an afterthought.  And honestly, it seems like the action is almost an afterthought for the characters themselves.  But, this is a classic film, and I think it deserves its reputation.  So, I wholeheartedly recommend this movie to a wide audience.

Blockers - Seizing the Night

Movie: Blockers

My Rating: 3 stars

 Every now and then I find myself in the mood to watch a totally ridiculous, raunchy movie.  (Actually, that happens more often than I’d like to admit).  And, in those instances, what could be more perfect than a crude teen sex comedy?  Blockers is about the parents of three high-school girlfriends.  These moms and dads—Leslie Mann, John Cena, and Ike Barinholtz—have become aware of their daughters’ plans to lose their virginity at prom.  And these parents determined to prevent it (hence the title).  These movies are part of a classic genre.  For as long as we’ve had film, there have been storytellers documenting the (mostly vain) efforts of sweaty teens trying to get laid at prom.  It’s a pretty straightforward premise.  But, in my opinion the stories have been getting better over the years.  These comedies are becoming more self-aware, more inclusive, and actually a lot funnier. 

 This genre of movie is now parodying itself, and I appreciate that level of meta commentary.  In the past, this kind of story has typically featured straight, horny boys, trying to trick girls into the backseat of their cars.  Whereas this movie stars girl protagonists who are determined to take charge of their own sexuality.  The script acknowledges that girls have wills of their own, and aren’t just pawns to be hoodwinked.  And, the movie features gay characters too.  These kids are trying to understand these new feelings brought on by their rushing teen hormones, and there are plenty of comedic misunderstandings to be had there.  Also, the jokes are become slightly more sophisticated.  Body parts are no longer the punchlines—or at least not the main punchline.  (One prominent set-piece in this movie does feature John Cena butt-chugging a pitcher of beer).  But, in the 90s, this kind of scene would be like, “isn’t it funny that he’s but-chugging?”  Whereas now, the comedy is more along the lines of, “isn’t it funny that we’re making him butt-chug.”  It’s more about the screenwriters seeing how much fun they can have with the scene where they humiliate the comedic ‘straight-man’.  Ok, maybe these movies aren’t getting too much cleverer.  But, there’s a degree of nuance there.  I don’t know why I’m trying to defend this point.

This is a very funny movie.  You’ll find yourself laughing out loud at jokes, and then be completely embarrassed by what made you do it.  We don’t like to admit it very often, but inside us all is an inner-child who loves a good potty joke.  Of course, the movie is very coarse and raunchy.  It’s not for mixed audiences.  It’s the kind of movie that kids don’t want their parents to know they’re watching, and parents don’t want their kids to know they’ve seen.  But, that’s probably part of the “parents vs. kids” dynamic that is the basis of the whole story.  So, save this one for a time when you know the kids’ll be out of the house for a few hours.  Because, it’s definitely worth your while.

Ben Hur - Lepers!

Movie: Ben Hur

My Rating: 3 stars

 I’ve been going back and watching a bunch of classic movies lately.  It’s because I’ve just started listening to Unspooled, a new podcast that goes through all the movies on the AFI list of top 100 films.  The show hosted by Amy Nicholson and Paul Scheer.  Sheer is one of the guys from the How Did This Get Made podcast, which I also listen to.  I guess he figured he’d punished himself enough with all the terrible movies he had to watch hosting that show, and decided to get himself a little culture.  So, I’ve started watching all these films right along with them.  What I like best about this idea is that these really aren’t films that I would have otherwise selected for myself.  A lot of them look really boring.  (And a few of them are, of course).  But plenty of others are surprisingly delightful.

 This movie, Ben Hur, is one that I ended up liking a lot more than I was expecting to.  I’ve only ever known Charlton Heston as a bit of a punchline.  He’s had some of the sillier and quotable lines of dialogue in cinematic history.  But I had never actually sat through many of his movies.  One of the best parts about this process is that I’m finally getting to see the original source material for a lot of the pop culture references visual tropes that have become a part of our cultural canon.  And, somehow Heston is at the heart of a good amount of these.  In this case, there’s the iconic chariot race scene, and also that image of our hero chained to the oars down in the galley of a slave ship.  I found it super interesting to see.  That’s not to say that I completely enjoyed the task of watching this film.  This movie is incredibly long.  And, the pacing is painfully slow.  I think that’s one of the biggest things that distinguishes new movies from old.  New movies are edited tighter, and move along and a good clip.  Whereas, these old movies drag through scenes, linger on shots, and have a few too many long-winded speeches.  Even that chariot race, this film’s most celebrated and exciting scene, unfolds in real time.  It’s a bit of an ordeal.  I suppose it adds to the sense of fatigue that the characters must be feeling after such a grueling race.

 I think that watching through the AFI list of top 100 movies is a worthwhile exercise.  And accordingly, this is a worthwhile movie to see (and not just because its “important”).  I actually was surprised by how much of this movie I enjoyed.  Of course, you’re not going to want to put on this movie to unwind after a long day.  And, it’s definitely not a film you’re going to want to throw on for the kids with a bowl of popcorn.  It remains a bit of a chore.  So, maybe put it on if you have a lot of laundry to fold.  Or if you want to do a bit of exercise in front of the TV.  Or, watch it in installments.  The film would definitely be a good companion to a repetitive or menial task.  I feel a little bad for qualifying my recommendation so much.  But, I’d rather you see it than not, so feel free to employ any tool necessary to help you get through it.

Isle of Dogs - Quirky, As Expected

Movie: Isle of Dogs

My Rating: 3 stars

 I think I’ll always continue to see any movie that Wes Anderson puts out, regardless of its strengths or weaknesses.  Some of his movies are more compelling than others (to put it diplomatically).  But, even when the content is a bit thinner, I still enjoy Anderson’s aesthetic.  And it this case, I think the film’s visual charms carried the majority of the burden.  This is a story set in Japan on an island to which the city authorities have banished all dogs.  (The pro-cat faction has taken control of the government, and isn’t tolerating any mutts hanging around).  And, one little boy, Atari, has set out on a mission to find and rescue his dog.  Of course, the mission doesn’t go quite as he planned, so the island dogs decide to step in and help him out.

 This is a cute enough premise, but this movie is really more about the elaborate, visual set-pieces than the story.  (This is another Claymation offering, along the lines of Fantastic Mr. Fox).  But, I don’t think the movie’s narrative weakness ruined too much of my enjoyment.  Because that’s not really what drove me to watch this one.  Let’s admit it, we’re all watching these movies for the quirky visuals and appealing retro vibe.  And, in this case, the quirky touch is that the story is told mostly from the point of view of the dogs.  So, the audience can understand what the pups are saying.  But since dogs can’t understand human language, we can’t understand what the people are saying.  Well, I guess you could understand everything if you spoke Japanese.  But since the conceit of the film is that the human characters are always babbling away in the background and don’t really have much bearing on what the dogs are up to, we aren’t given subtitles when the human characters are speaking.  That’s kind of clever.

People didn’t seem to like this movie very much.  It struck some viewers as too experimental.  And, others were offended by the use of Japanese tropes and culture by a white director.  But, I like when directors try new things, and I’m pretty hard to offend.  So, I was on-board for this movie.  It was one I really wanted to see, and I was satisfied with the experience.  And, since anticipating a film too much ahead of time usually ruins it for me, I count this as a success.  So, I recommend this movie for is strangeness and silliness.  However, if you prefer broad comedies and mainstream blockbusters, I’d advise you to skip this one.

Swing Time - Fun (But Awkward)

Movie: Swing Time

My Rating: 3 stars

 Fred Astaire is a delight.  He has such a charming, gaunt, little face.  And, he’s as nimble as a Billy goat.  I guess my love for dance movies extends back into the old-timey sort as well.  I do love choreography.  And that’s definitely why I’m watching these movies.  Because I don’t really care if the local dance troupe saves the neighborhood rec center.  And, these dance movies from the 1930s were similarly light on plot.  Why develop a coherent and compelling narrative when you can solve any conflict or plug any plot hole with an auspiciously timed song and dance number?

So, in this story, Fred Astaire wants to get married.  But, his future father in law isn’t totally sold on the idea of a dancer in a variety show wedding his daughter.  So, Fred’s going to travel to New York for a while to prove his worth by . . . gambling and dancing?  Can that be right?  I mean, I guess it sounds about as plausible as saving the community center through the power of dance, right?  But who cares!  While in New York, Fred meets Ginger Rogers, a lovely dance instructor.  And they fall in love, which puts Fred in an awful pickle.  He’s still planning on taking his gambling winnings back to his fiancé in order to get permission from her father to marry.  But as a dance instructor, Ginger has landed Fred a permanent job dancing at a supper club.  Of course, this leads to a rather unfortunate black-face dance number.  And, that’s a bit awkward if you’re watching this movie in a mixed crowd.  So, perhaps it wouldn’t be a terrible thing for Fred to head back home to live a responsible life in the suburbs.  But once that cringe-inducing dance number is over, the story goes back to the predictable “boy gets the girl” narrative.

All in all, this is a pretty cute movie.  And I do recommend it to casual viewers—insensitive dance numbers aside.  You don’t have to be an aficionado of fine film to appreciate this one.  Because I’ve found that a lot of these movies from the 1930s are actually a lot of fun.  These pre-war movies are usually pretty sexy, and full of exciting night life.  Of course, the movie has got nothing compared to the Thin Man movies, or the Busby Berkely films.  Those will always be the gold standard.  But even I, a person who is typically pretty bored by old-fashioned movies, founds this one to be fun to watch.  So, I say it’s definitely worth checking out.

Black Panther - Pretty Cool

Movie: Black Panther

My Rating: 4 stars

 I liked this movie.  It wasn’t because the story was particularly complex or well-crafted.  The film pretty much follows the format of all these super hero movies we’ve become so familiar with of late.  But, it was really fun to see something different.  This film is yet another super-hero franchise in Marvel’s vast lineup.  And, it really was about time we got a hero that wasn’t a corn-fed white boy.  Not that I don’t enjoy those.  But, we had so many heroes that were so similar that the gimmicks we were using to distinguish one from another were getting pretty contrived.  A lot of it down pretty much came down to cape color.  Of course, I’m being a bit reductive and snarky.  But the point I’m making is that I always like to see a new element come in to mix up a stagnant pool.

 We’ve become accustomed to seeing super hero movies with one token sidekick of color.  And, of course, it was nice when we started seeing that trend start up.  But, it’s really not cutting it any more.  When a story has only one black character, for instance, they’re necessarily written as a pretty broad stereotype.  But when you get to work with a handful different characters, a writer is able to create a much broader range of personalities.  They become individuals rather than symbols.  So, it was very exciting to see the incredible diversity that was possible when every character in this movie was black.  (Except for our token Martin Freeman).  The variety between all the different African tribes that were represented during the multi-nation summit meetings in this film were spectacular.  I wanted to pause the movie so that I could absorb all the little details.  We had good characters, and bad ones; strong ones, and insecure; clever and dopey; beautiful and homely; power-mad and duty bound.  It was quite a palette to play with.  (Plus, I was pretty excited about all the amazing outfits).

 This is a fun movie.  It’s full of crazy action sequences, wild sci-fi technology, acrobatic stunts, amazing costumes, cheesy dialogue—everything you could desire from an action comic.  But, I think it’s also an important movie too.  It’s time to move past the era where the default for every lead in a mainstream blockbuster will be a tall, strapping, European man.  And, this movie provided an excellent start.  This is definitely a movie that everyone can enjoy, and one you won’t want to miss, even if just for the hype.

Tom of Finland - Beefy Lads

Movie: Tom of Finland

My Rating: 3 stars

I liked this movie.  It’s a biopic of artist Touko Valio Laaksonen, better known by his nom de plume, Tom of Finland.  Of course, the subject matter is titillating.  As an artist “Tom” was known for his erotic drawings featuring strapping, muscle-bound bikers, sailors, and cowboys getting into all kinds of mischief.  He’s probably most well-known for his images of leather-clad bikers wearing varying levels of mostly-functionless straps and harnesses.  This guy loved excess.  No lad was ever too beefy, no pants were ever too tight, and no bulge was ever too large.  Images were almost comically larger-than-life.  And, it was super interesting getting to know a little more about the man responsible for these “scandalous” images.  That’s especially the case since Tom was creating this art in a country that was very intolerant of homosexuality at the time.

It’s for that reason that I wouldn’t call this movie a lot of “fun.”   Because, while we do have pleasure of getting better acquainted with this fascinating artist, a good portion of the film deals with the oppression that Tom had to live through while living in Finland.  It was a place where engaging in activities that were even perceived as being homosexual was a crime.  And in the movie, it appears that the police enforced the law quite brutally with various raids and sting operations.  But ultimately, this is an uplifting movie.  It’s important to show the extent of the harassment that gay men lived through in order to appreciate the freedoms that came later.  (And even the freedoms that Tom got a taste of while visiting San Francisco). 

So, I liked this movie.  I had never really known much about Laaksonen as an artist other than a passing familiarity with his images of burly bikers.  So, I enjoyed learning more about what his life was like, and who he was as a person.  And, there are probably a good amount of you that will enjoy learning about him too.  But, I can definitely see how this movie might make some people uncomfortable, with all the explicit, erotic drawings that we get a gander at.   You know how when you’re watching even a very chaste movie, someone always manages to walk in on you during the only sex scene?  Well, this movie is full of opportunities for embarrassment.  So, I wouldn’t recommend watching this with anyone who’d get their feathers too ruffled by watching scenes of an artist lovingly sketching throbbing, bulging crotches.  But really, the rest of the content is pretty tame.  So, just use your discretion when choosing a viewing partner.

Pitch Perfect 3 - It's Another One!

Movie: Pitch Perfect 3

My Rating: 3 stars

I really like these movies.  I love singing.  I love a well-choreographed dance number.  I love Rebel Wilson and her raunchy humor.  And, I really like that these movies don’t take themselves too seriously.  Or, at least, they’ve gradually learned to take themselves less seriously as the franchise has progressed.  (I think that’s kinda what happened with the Fast & Furious movies too).  But, I really get into the spirit of these movies.  While watching them, I usually to sink into the delusion that I can sing and dance too (which is not the case).  But, that doesn’t stop me from trying to sing right along with the movie.  I guess it’s a good thing that I usually watch these things at home. 

You know what happens in these movies.  There’s always some kind of acapella singing tournament.  And, our girls have got to win for one arbitrary reason or another.  Our team is always a bit awkward and inappropriate, but always charming.  (I think I love these movies because I identify with this trait).    Other groups are usually a bit snobby or conceited.  Our girls teach them a lesson or two, but not without being humiliated in some very public way.  We usually get a celebrity cameo or two.  Last time it was Flula.  This time it’s DJ Khaled.  Fun is had by all.  Everyone’s heart is warmed.  They’re all the same.  But, I kinda don’t care.

I always have a great time watching these movies.  But after watching this third installment, I realized that I think I like the idea of these movies more than anything.  The first one was new and exciting, so I forgave it for being a bit sentimental.  I found the second movie to be completely hilarious.  It was my favorite by far.  And, I think this third movie stalled out a bit.  The musical numbers were more elaborate than ever.  But, it got back to a bit of the sappiness I didn’t like in the first film.  And, a lot of the jokes felt a little played out.  But, since I’m so committed to the franchise, I was going to see this one regardless of the quality. (You know what I mean, Fast & Furious).  So, while I don’t think they’ll be making any more of these movies—this one wrapped up all the story lines pretty conclusively—if they were to ever get them started up again, I’d definitely be there.  Because of the completely subjective nature of my enjoyment of these films, I’ll leave it to you to decide whether they’re for you or not.  You’ve probably got a gut feeling leading you in one direction or the other.  And, I’d trust that to guide you.

Downsizing - Phoned-In

Movie: Downsizing

My Rating: 3 stars

The idea for this movie was a pretty good one.  What would happen if we developed the technology to shrink ourselves down permanently?    There’d be a number of reasons to do it.  Some people would do it for ecological reasons since they’d consume less and shrink their carbon footprint.  Others might do it for financial reasons.  Your money would stretch a very long way if your physical needs decreased that dramatically.  And of course, there are still others who may have the procedure done to them against their will, like in the case of human trafficking or incarceration. 

The story has the potential to explore the concept of the creation of a whole new class of people.  By setting themselves apart, and living in their own, separate, wee community, the rest of the world would be forced to interact with these individuals completely differently.  It would skew population density, affect electoral votes, raise a mountain of tax questions.  There’s a lot of potential meat in this topic.  I just wish the screenwriters had done a little more with it. (Or wish that the studio execs hadn’t watered down the script quite so much).  Of course, I don’t know what went on behind the scenes in the making of this movie, but the final result felt very much like a compromise between making potentially troubling social statement and making the movie appeal to a broad audience.  And, I’ve always held the opinion that a compromise is a lose/lose proposition.  Neither party gets what they want.  The film could have made some very interesting social observations or political statements.  How much tax should a tiny person pay?  They get the same vote, but consume far fewer resources.  How much should they pay on common carriers?  Should the government be allowed to make such a severe and irreversible decision about a person’s life and future?  But instead, the story got diluted into a pretty insipid romance.

At least the movie got me thinking about some of these interesting issues.  A good amount of the weighty questions were conspicuous in their absence.  So in a way, the film did make me aware of some of these topics.  I’m not too wild about many of the actors in this film.  But, Christoph Waltz has a bit of a role in the movie, and he’s always a delight.  And, the movie does have a few visual gags that are pretty funny.  So, the film isn’t entirely without its charms.  I’d say, check it out if you’re curious.  You’ll find something to enjoy about the movie.  But, don’t feel obliged.

Ibiza - Re-Live Your 20s

Movie: Ibiza

My Rating: 4 stars

I kinda loved this movie.  On paper, it’s a light and silly, vacation movie.  It’s a story about a young woman whose girlfriends tag along with her on a business trip to Spain.  Naturally, instead of preparing for a big client meeting, she ends up going out with her friends, falling in love with a club DJ, and following him to Ibiza.  Hilarity ensues.  But, the film also has a lot of real emotional impact too.  This is the kind of movie that allows you to remember what it feels like to be young, and alive, and wildly irresponsible.  It’s got it all—booze, drugs, sexual encounters with attractive strangers, dancing all night to EDM.  And, all without the inevitable hangover and crushing sense of regret. 

This is a very goofy comedy.  It’s mostly physical, slapstick, and silly visual jokes.  And yes, it does technically fall into the category of “girls trip comedy” that we’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  But, this one feels tonally different from those crude, cliched flicks.  For a while, it seemed like we were seeing a lot of “rude girl” movies that were trying to capitalize on the success of Bridesmaids (e.g. Girls Trip or Rough Night).  Those movies are fun, but they’re intended to be pure, vulgar comedy, and fail to have any real heart.  However, this movie manages to capture the reckless feeling of being a partying 20-something, while maintaining a lot of the emotional turmoil you’re also going through at that age.  It’s a tough line to walk, but this movie weaves the comedy and the poignancy together seamlessly.  It’s the kind of movie that gets you pumped up and has you asking, “Why don’t we do stuff like that anymore?”  And, then a few scenes later, it reminds you exactly why you don’t.  I don’t know how the filmmakers managed to conjure up the greasy, hazy feeling of being phenomenally hungover, but the sensation is palpable.

I think what really makes this movie a success is the acting.  A lot of actors fancy themselves comedians, but very few of them get it right.  Comedy is an activity best left to the experts.  And, our three main leads, Gillian Jacobs, Vanessa Bayer, and Phoebe Robinson, are experts.  But, it’s not just them.  Really, the whole cast is pretty amazing.  It feels like they all have a really intuitive sense for comedy (especially Vanessa Bayer).  And, the filmmakers had the good sense not to meddle with it.  Nothing can ruin a movie faster than producers notes.  I definitely recommend this movie, as long as you’re not offended by depictions of excessive drug and alcohol use.  But, the movie isn’t really condoning that kind of thing.  It just asks you to accept that it exists out in the world, and gently pokes fun at it.  So, if you’re willing to forego clutching your pearls for an evening, I think you’ll find that this movie is a lot of fun.

The Greatest Showman - Sugary Sweet

Movie: The Greatest Showman

My Rating: 3 stars

I did not care for this movie.  And that surprised me very much.  Because, this is usually exactly the kind of movie I love—wild costumes, big choreographed musical numbers, a roguish, yet sympathetic protagonist.  Sign me up!  And, this movie did deliver all of these elements.  But, unfortunately the tone was a little too sappy and on-the-nose for my taste.  And, it kind of ruined the experience for me.  The movie is nominally about P.T. Barnum getting started in the circus and sideshow business.  I wasn’t expecting the movie to be an accurate representation of that historical scoundrel.  And it wasn’t.  It’s a big musical with saturated colors, dancing, and excitement everywhere you look.  The movie uses the personage of P.T. Barnum as more of a stand-in for a wild and unconventional businessman.  And, it ignores the seedier, more avaricious nature of the enterprise.

Hugh Jackman is nothing if not earnest.  And, god-bless him for that.  But watching sincere love songs, where characters gaze deeply into one another’s eyes and touch each other’s’ faces kinda makes me gag.  And, this movie seems to be filled with nothing but that.  And, the movie is also full of very high-roady themes, like self-acceptance and pulling oneself up by the bootstraps.  And while this is all very morally gratifying, it can get a bit treacly and nauseating.  I don’t have a very high tolerance for cheesiness, and this movie definitely provided more than my acceptable daily dose.  But, I told you I didn’t want to get too crabby in this review, so now I’m going to say some nice things.

There is still plenty to like about the movie, even if you don’t normally go in for sentimental stuff.  Like I said, the movie is full of brilliant colors, and music, and excitement.  It really feels like a spectacle.  And, all the songs are originals.  So, even though I didn’t find them to be the catchiest songs of all time, it’s an impressive feat, and they were still pretty fun.  And, I was pretty impressed by the very diverse cast.  Of course, it’s a Hollywood movie so the actors are all pretty attractive.  But, the cast if full of people of all different sizes, shapes, and colors.  It goes along with the theme of acceptance, I guess.

I don’t think you should take my personal dislike of this movie as an indication of what you should do.  I recognize that I have very specific tastes and preferences.  And, I can see objectively how this movie would appeal to a pretty broad audience.  So, if you think this movie looks fun, by all means, go see it.  I imagine that most people can stomach a higher level of sincerity than I can, so use your own judgment on this one.  But just as a last warning, I thought the trailer made the movie look immensely fun.  And, I felt like there was a little bit of a bait and switch.

The Phantom Thread - Snooze-O-Rama

Movie: The Phantom Thread

My Rating: 3 stars

Now, I don’t want to sound like a total curmudgeon, but it may be inevitable in this case.  Because, I thought this movie was pretty darn snoozy.  The Academy loved this film.  People loved it too (or they said they did . . . maybe in an attempt to present themselves as sophisticated and cultured).  But, as the years have gone by, and I’ve viewed more and more of the films the Academy has decided to grace with an award nomination, I’ve been come pretty suspicious of the whole system.  Are decisions being made based on industry politics?  Are people afraid of looking dumb if they say they didn’t like a critically acclaimed movie?  Or maybe people are genuinely dazzled by these stuffy pieces with their fancy clothes and British accents.  Of course, this is just my cynical take on the whole industry.  But, let me give you the synopsis, and just see if you can conjure up any interest.

This movie is about a very persnickety fashion designer, Reynolds Woodcock.  He creates immensely formal evening wear.  His work is in very high demand, but it seems like that’s due more to its exclusivity than the aesthetics.  Now, every designer needs a muse, and this guy burns through a lot of them.  We enter his life just as he’s getting tired of his last model, and becoming intrigued by a new girl, Alma.  And, we get to ride the highs and lows of Reynolds’ erratic mood swings right alongside Alma.  So, if we put aside all the set-dressing of clothing and the fashion industry, we see that this is essentially a movie about an emotionally abusive relationship—codependent city, population: 3. (Because, Reynolds’ creepy older sister Cyril is always hovering in the wings, ready to swoop in to micromanage the relationship).  It’s a bit of a slog.  But then, I don’t typically go in for dramas.

I had a hard time with this movie.  It was a total snoozefest.  But, I’m fully willing to consider that it may be due to my general distaste for serious dramas, with all the emotionally loaded gazing into the mid-distance, and meaningful silences.  So, please feel free to get a second opinion from someone who’s into this kind of drama.  Or, from someone who is really into the fashion element.  Perhaps my synopsis may have actually stirred up some interest in you.  In which case, watch this movie with my blessing.  But, in my opinion you can get all you need out of this film by looking up pictures of the dresses, and reading a plot synopsis online.

Red Sparrow - Spicy Stuff

Movie: Red Sparrow

My Rating: 4 stars

I really enjoyed this movie.  And, that came as a bit of a surprise, since I had been hearing some chatter about the film being somewhat disappointing.  But, I suppose that just set me up to be pleasantly surprised.  I had been expecting the movie to be entertaining after watching the trailer.  It’s a movie about a sexy, Russian spy, Dominika Egorova, trained in the art of seduction, using her wiles on an American CIA operative to get . . . I don’t know . . . information?  Well, whatever it is she wants or is trying to accomplish, it’s bound to be pretty spicy.  And it is.  Of course, the movie is also pretty brutal and gruesome.  But, that’s to be expected from those crazy Russians, am I right?  I don’t know why so many people were making a stink about this movie not living up to expectations.  Because, it pretty much delivers exactly what it claims to.

So yes, I enjoyed the movie, and yes, I found it to be very entertaining.  The spy story has plenty of twists and turns.  The human story is very compelling.  Dominika’s life looks like a total nightmare.  She’s stuck doing her sordid sex missions, managing the various disgusting men who are always pawing at her, all while trying to prevent being offed by her own government.  So, you know, the movie’s a good time. ;)  But, I feel like it’s my duty to tell you that this is a very shocking and jarring movie.  This isn’t an easy, good time, relax with your family kind of movie.  It is full to the brim with frank sexual content, and callous torture and murder scenes.  But you know, it’s a story about spies, and enhanced interrogation techniques, and all that.  So, you should really know what you’re getting yourself into.  But, I just thought it’d be fair of me to warn you in case you were under the impression that this’d make a good pick to watch with the in-laws or something.  (It wouldn’t). 

I do recommend this movie, as long as you’re prepared for a pretty intense psychological thriller.  But honestly, the violence isn’t the most remarkable thing about this movie.  It’s the twists and turns of the story that I remember best.  I was telling a friend about how much I liked the movie, and she said that she’d heard it was pretty gory.  And, I actually had to stop and think back about it to figure out what parts she was referring to.  That’s how compelling I found the story to be.  Of course, this isn’t a serious film.  I think it’s meant to be thrilling and titillating—not high art.  But, if that’s the kind of movie you’re looking for, this one is a good pick.

Molly's Game - A Bit of a Stinker

Movie: Molly’s Game

My Rating: 2 stars

I think I must have approached this movie in the wrong way.  From what I heard, people seemed to think that it was very interesting and impressive.  But, oh brother, did I ever find this movie to be a chore.  When I sat down to watch this movie, I was expecting to see a fictionalized true story about a brilliant entrepreneurial woman who was using her wits to get ahead in a man’s world.  (Or something tonally like that).  But, I was really expecting too much from this character. 

This story is about Molly Bloom, a woman running an underground, high- stakes poker game for a group of famous and wealthy clients.  We witness her rise, and her inevitable fall, when her illegal activities are exposed and ultimately prosecuted.  It kinda broke my heart to watch this movie present Molly, as a fancy business lady.  Now, I know that running illegal card games is pretty universally considered to be a tacky undertaking.  But, the screenwriters seemed to be genuinely trying to make the audience feel like our protagonist was a sophisticated genius, and that this undertaking was a classy affair.  But, it really just felt like a cliched, tawdry mess to me. 

I think the part that I found to be the most distasteful was how the script was really trying to force the theme of ethics.  And, it felt like shameless pandering.  The writers were trying to make a whole meal out of the fact that Molly didn’t want to reveal the names of her clients in the discovery process of her criminal trial.  And, then they doubled down with her relationship with her lawyer.  He doesn’t want to take on her case at first, but he is gradually convinced that she is a decent lady who is doing the right thing, so her case must have merit.  It feels very contrived.  And, I’m not seeing anything that distinguishes this case from any other illegal gambling criminal case.  But again, maybe I read the tone of the film incorrectly from the outset. 

It will come as no surprise to you that I do not recommend this movie.  Of course, I’m fully willing to listen to anyone else’s arguments to the contrary.  Because, while I found this movie to be unbearably trite, I do have the feeling in my gut that I’m treating it a bit unfairly.  But then, I’ve never claimed that my reviews were anything other than my own, subjective opinions.  So, I’d be very interested in hearing what other people thought about this film.

Baby Driver - Surprisingly Fresh

Movie: Baby Driver

My Rating: 4 stars

I think a lot of people didn’t know quite how to feel about this movie.  Because, it really is a strange beast.  It’s a story about a surprisingly young getaway driver for bank heists—Baby.  He’s an eccentric kid—never talking, an exceptionally precise driver, and always listening to music in his headphones.  We get to see the getaway sequences from his point of view, as if they’re choreographed to the tunes he’s listened to.  It’s pretty cool.  But this movie is still different from your typical heist flick. 

It’s got all the trappings of a typical heist film.  But, then it’s also highly stylized and composed.  It’s not a combination we’ve been conditioned to expect.  These days, heist movies are either big budget, action flicks, with all the fights and explosions.  You can split that category down into films that take themselves very seriously, and ones that are more tongue-in-cheek.  Then there’s your sparse, spare, indie films that are usually pretty gritty and brutal.  But, this movie was a mix of stylishly choreographed action sequences, and nostalgic stylized charm.  Almost all the dialogue feels like it’s a tribute to the heist genre (which may sound a little odd, since this is, itself, a heist film).  But, it works.  It makes you reflect on what you’re watching.  And, the effect felt new and fresh to me.

Of course, the main device in the film is the music.  Baby seems half checked out of life.  He never seems to be paying much attention to where he is, who he’s with, or what’s going on around him.  He’s always only listening to his music.  And, we’re right there, listening alongside him.  But, Baby has laser-like focus when he’s driving.  And, the music is the complete focus of these scenes.  I love being transported to the kind of fantasy world that good choreography can create.  I think some of this film’s detractors were just a little bit confused by the fantasy.  But as long as you don’t go into this movie expecting something very specific, I think there’s a lot to like about it.  I do recommend this movie.  It’s got a little bit in it for everyone.  There’s excitement, action sequences, beautiful choreography, narrative intrigue, a bit of romance.  Of course, this is a movie about violent crime, so there is a fair amount of violence.  So that might keep a few people away.  But overall, It’s a good time.

The Lure - A Dark Fairy Tale

Movie: The Lure

My Rating: 3 stars

The world has become a pretty small place, what with the internet connecting people from all over the globe.  And, that means that means that a certain amount of our media and entertainment has become pretty homogenized.  We all drink the same coffee now, wear the same fashions, and watch the same Hollywood blockbusters.  But, every now and then, a bizarre treasure like this movie comes along, and demonstrates to us that other cultural ideas and aesthetics are still alive and kicking out there.  This movie is a small Polish production, and it is truly strange. 

This is a story about two mermaid sisters, Silver and Golden, who decide to come ashore in Warsaw, Poland to kill a little time living amongst humans.  They’re not necessarily Polish mermaids.  But, they explain to us that they’ve learned the language by loitering on the beach, and listening to tourists.  It makes total sense.  The movie is set in a semi-fictional world where the existence of legendary creatures is acknowledged and expected.  Or maybe Polish people kinda do believe in mythical beasts?  Of course, your average person won’t run into a mermaid, or Poseidon, or a succubus every day.  It’s still a remarkable event when a person meets one.  But, no one in this story is surprised by the mermaids’ existence.  

And, our sisters are using their unique talents to their advantage on dry land.  There are many important or lucrative things that real mermaids could do in the world to make their fortunes—contributing to science, specialized spy work, celebrity meet-and-greets.  And our girls have chosen . . . performing in a sleazy cabaret.  That’s right.  These extraordinary, unique creatures are peddling their wares topless, and lounging in a giant martini glass.  But hey, it makes it easy for the girls to meet men that they can lure into dark alleys so that they can devour their hearts and other organs.  Because, that’s what mermaids do . . . eat the still warm heart right out of a man’s chest.  This movie reads as a sort of dark fairy tale.  The story line follows the structure of one of those brutal, old fashioned fables, like Grimm’s.  And, it’s just as bloody and sexualized as they can be.  The internal logic is dreamy and magical.  The stakes are high, and lessons are learned the hard way.

This is a very weird movie, and there aren’t many people I’d recommend it to.  But, I definitely would recommend it to the right kind of movie aficionado.  You’d have to be the kind of person who likes experimental indie films, or weird foreign ones.  This is the kind of movie that I would have gone and seen by myself at one of those independent art house theaters in the 90s.  I used to go to the strangest darkest movies.  So, if you were one of those weird, film-teens like I was, then this peculiar specimen may just be for you.  If not, really steer clear of this one because I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.