The Phantom Thread - Snooze-O-Rama

Movie: The Phantom Thread

My Rating: 3 stars

Now, I don’t want to sound like a total curmudgeon, but it may be inevitable in this case.  Because, I thought this movie was pretty darn snoozy.  The Academy loved this film.  People loved it too (or they said they did . . . maybe in an attempt to present themselves as sophisticated and cultured).  But, as the years have gone by, and I’ve viewed more and more of the films the Academy has decided to grace with an award nomination, I’ve been come pretty suspicious of the whole system.  Are decisions being made based on industry politics?  Are people afraid of looking dumb if they say they didn’t like a critically acclaimed movie?  Or maybe people are genuinely dazzled by these stuffy pieces with their fancy clothes and British accents.  Of course, this is just my cynical take on the whole industry.  But, let me give you the synopsis, and just see if you can conjure up any interest.

This movie is about a very persnickety fashion designer, Reynolds Woodcock.  He creates immensely formal evening wear.  His work is in very high demand, but it seems like that’s due more to its exclusivity than the aesthetics.  Now, every designer needs a muse, and this guy burns through a lot of them.  We enter his life just as he’s getting tired of his last model, and becoming intrigued by a new girl, Alma.  And, we get to ride the highs and lows of Reynolds’ erratic mood swings right alongside Alma.  So, if we put aside all the set-dressing of clothing and the fashion industry, we see that this is essentially a movie about an emotionally abusive relationship—codependent city, population: 3. (Because, Reynolds’ creepy older sister Cyril is always hovering in the wings, ready to swoop in to micromanage the relationship).  It’s a bit of a slog.  But then, I don’t typically go in for dramas.

I had a hard time with this movie.  It was a total snoozefest.  But, I’m fully willing to consider that it may be due to my general distaste for serious dramas, with all the emotionally loaded gazing into the mid-distance, and meaningful silences.  So, please feel free to get a second opinion from someone who’s into this kind of drama.  Or, from someone who is really into the fashion element.  Perhaps my synopsis may have actually stirred up some interest in you.  In which case, watch this movie with my blessing.  But, in my opinion you can get all you need out of this film by looking up pictures of the dresses, and reading a plot synopsis online.

Red Sparrow - Spicy Stuff

Movie: Red Sparrow

My Rating: 4 stars

I really enjoyed this movie.  And, that came as a bit of a surprise, since I had been hearing some chatter about the film being somewhat disappointing.  But, I suppose that just set me up to be pleasantly surprised.  I had been expecting the movie to be entertaining after watching the trailer.  It’s a movie about a sexy, Russian spy, Dominika Egorova, trained in the art of seduction, using her wiles on an American CIA operative to get . . . I don’t know . . . information?  Well, whatever it is she wants or is trying to accomplish, it’s bound to be pretty spicy.  And it is.  Of course, the movie is also pretty brutal and gruesome.  But, that’s to be expected from those crazy Russians, am I right?  I don’t know why so many people were making a stink about this movie not living up to expectations.  Because, it pretty much delivers exactly what it claims to.

So yes, I enjoyed the movie, and yes, I found it to be very entertaining.  The spy story has plenty of twists and turns.  The human story is very compelling.  Dominika’s life looks like a total nightmare.  She’s stuck doing her sordid sex missions, managing the various disgusting men who are always pawing at her, all while trying to prevent being offed by her own government.  So, you know, the movie’s a good time. ;)  But, I feel like it’s my duty to tell you that this is a very shocking and jarring movie.  This isn’t an easy, good time, relax with your family kind of movie.  It is full to the brim with frank sexual content, and callous torture and murder scenes.  But you know, it’s a story about spies, and enhanced interrogation techniques, and all that.  So, you should really know what you’re getting yourself into.  But, I just thought it’d be fair of me to warn you in case you were under the impression that this’d make a good pick to watch with the in-laws or something.  (It wouldn’t). 

I do recommend this movie, as long as you’re prepared for a pretty intense psychological thriller.  But honestly, the violence isn’t the most remarkable thing about this movie.  It’s the twists and turns of the story that I remember best.  I was telling a friend about how much I liked the movie, and she said that she’d heard it was pretty gory.  And, I actually had to stop and think back about it to figure out what parts she was referring to.  That’s how compelling I found the story to be.  Of course, this isn’t a serious film.  I think it’s meant to be thrilling and titillating—not high art.  But, if that’s the kind of movie you’re looking for, this one is a good pick.

Molly's Game - A Bit of a Stinker

Movie: Molly’s Game

My Rating: 2 stars

I think I must have approached this movie in the wrong way.  From what I heard, people seemed to think that it was very interesting and impressive.  But, oh brother, did I ever find this movie to be a chore.  When I sat down to watch this movie, I was expecting to see a fictionalized true story about a brilliant entrepreneurial woman who was using her wits to get ahead in a man’s world.  (Or something tonally like that).  But, I was really expecting too much from this character. 

This story is about Molly Bloom, a woman running an underground, high- stakes poker game for a group of famous and wealthy clients.  We witness her rise, and her inevitable fall, when her illegal activities are exposed and ultimately prosecuted.  It kinda broke my heart to watch this movie present Molly, as a fancy business lady.  Now, I know that running illegal card games is pretty universally considered to be a tacky undertaking.  But, the screenwriters seemed to be genuinely trying to make the audience feel like our protagonist was a sophisticated genius, and that this undertaking was a classy affair.  But, it really just felt like a cliched, tawdry mess to me. 

I think the part that I found to be the most distasteful was how the script was really trying to force the theme of ethics.  And, it felt like shameless pandering.  The writers were trying to make a whole meal out of the fact that Molly didn’t want to reveal the names of her clients in the discovery process of her criminal trial.  And, then they doubled down with her relationship with her lawyer.  He doesn’t want to take on her case at first, but he is gradually convinced that she is a decent lady who is doing the right thing, so her case must have merit.  It feels very contrived.  And, I’m not seeing anything that distinguishes this case from any other illegal gambling criminal case.  But again, maybe I read the tone of the film incorrectly from the outset. 

It will come as no surprise to you that I do not recommend this movie.  Of course, I’m fully willing to listen to anyone else’s arguments to the contrary.  Because, while I found this movie to be unbearably trite, I do have the feeling in my gut that I’m treating it a bit unfairly.  But then, I’ve never claimed that my reviews were anything other than my own, subjective opinions.  So, I’d be very interested in hearing what other people thought about this film.

Baby Driver - Surprisingly Fresh

Movie: Baby Driver

My Rating: 4 stars

I think a lot of people didn’t know quite how to feel about this movie.  Because, it really is a strange beast.  It’s a story about a surprisingly young getaway driver for bank heists—Baby.  He’s an eccentric kid—never talking, an exceptionally precise driver, and always listening to music in his headphones.  We get to see the getaway sequences from his point of view, as if they’re choreographed to the tunes he’s listened to.  It’s pretty cool.  But this movie is still different from your typical heist flick. 

It’s got all the trappings of a typical heist film.  But, then it’s also highly stylized and composed.  It’s not a combination we’ve been conditioned to expect.  These days, heist movies are either big budget, action flicks, with all the fights and explosions.  You can split that category down into films that take themselves very seriously, and ones that are more tongue-in-cheek.  Then there’s your sparse, spare, indie films that are usually pretty gritty and brutal.  But, this movie was a mix of stylishly choreographed action sequences, and nostalgic stylized charm.  Almost all the dialogue feels like it’s a tribute to the heist genre (which may sound a little odd, since this is, itself, a heist film).  But, it works.  It makes you reflect on what you’re watching.  And, the effect felt new and fresh to me.

Of course, the main device in the film is the music.  Baby seems half checked out of life.  He never seems to be paying much attention to where he is, who he’s with, or what’s going on around him.  He’s always only listening to his music.  And, we’re right there, listening alongside him.  But, Baby has laser-like focus when he’s driving.  And, the music is the complete focus of these scenes.  I love being transported to the kind of fantasy world that good choreography can create.  I think some of this film’s detractors were just a little bit confused by the fantasy.  But as long as you don’t go into this movie expecting something very specific, I think there’s a lot to like about it.  I do recommend this movie.  It’s got a little bit in it for everyone.  There’s excitement, action sequences, beautiful choreography, narrative intrigue, a bit of romance.  Of course, this is a movie about violent crime, so there is a fair amount of violence.  So that might keep a few people away.  But overall, It’s a good time.

The Lure - A Dark Fairy Tale

Movie: The Lure

My Rating: 3 stars

The world has become a pretty small place, what with the internet connecting people from all over the globe.  And, that means that means that a certain amount of our media and entertainment has become pretty homogenized.  We all drink the same coffee now, wear the same fashions, and watch the same Hollywood blockbusters.  But, every now and then, a bizarre treasure like this movie comes along, and demonstrates to us that other cultural ideas and aesthetics are still alive and kicking out there.  This movie is a small Polish production, and it is truly strange. 

This is a story about two mermaid sisters, Silver and Golden, who decide to come ashore in Warsaw, Poland to kill a little time living amongst humans.  They’re not necessarily Polish mermaids.  But, they explain to us that they’ve learned the language by loitering on the beach, and listening to tourists.  It makes total sense.  The movie is set in a semi-fictional world where the existence of legendary creatures is acknowledged and expected.  Or maybe Polish people kinda do believe in mythical beasts?  Of course, your average person won’t run into a mermaid, or Poseidon, or a succubus every day.  It’s still a remarkable event when a person meets one.  But, no one in this story is surprised by the mermaids’ existence.  

And, our sisters are using their unique talents to their advantage on dry land.  There are many important or lucrative things that real mermaids could do in the world to make their fortunes—contributing to science, specialized spy work, celebrity meet-and-greets.  And our girls have chosen . . . performing in a sleazy cabaret.  That’s right.  These extraordinary, unique creatures are peddling their wares topless, and lounging in a giant martini glass.  But hey, it makes it easy for the girls to meet men that they can lure into dark alleys so that they can devour their hearts and other organs.  Because, that’s what mermaids do . . . eat the still warm heart right out of a man’s chest.  This movie reads as a sort of dark fairy tale.  The story line follows the structure of one of those brutal, old fashioned fables, like Grimm’s.  And, it’s just as bloody and sexualized as they can be.  The internal logic is dreamy and magical.  The stakes are high, and lessons are learned the hard way.

This is a very weird movie, and there aren’t many people I’d recommend it to.  But, I definitely would recommend it to the right kind of movie aficionado.  You’d have to be the kind of person who likes experimental indie films, or weird foreign ones.  This is the kind of movie that I would have gone and seen by myself at one of those independent art house theaters in the 90s.  I used to go to the strangest darkest movies.  So, if you were one of those weird, film-teens like I was, then this peculiar specimen may just be for you.  If not, really steer clear of this one because I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.

Doctor Strange - Saving the World With Tilda Swinton

Movie: Doctor Strange

My Rating: 3 stars

I can go in for a frivolous superhero, action movie from time to time.  And, this one looked fun enough—a doctor who learns how to bend and manipulate time and space from monks in Katmandu.  I mean, that’s what we’re all hoping to get out of meditation, right?  The ability to conjure wormholes out of thin air, summon sentient weaponry, and wear specialty monk costumes that makes you look like you’re about to fight a round in Mortal Kombat—I’d be willing to suffer through a bit of chanting and ruminating for that.  But our protagonist, Doctor Strange, is a remarkable man to begin with, so when given the materials to do these amazing things, he stays true to his overachieving roots and goes for the spectacular.  He’s just helping to save the world from an evil, trans-dimensional demon, no big deal.  And, he’s doing it all with the help of a bald Tilda Swinton.  Now that’s entertainment!

As I’ve mentioned in some of my other posts about superhero movies, I never really followed any of these comics, so I don’t have much knowledge of the properties.  Consequently, I don’t have the same emotional investment in the films that a true fan might have.  In some instances that can be a good thing.  I’ve known superfans to be wildly disappointed in how a director has treated their treasured comic before.  And, that wouldn’t be fun.  But then, I don’t get to feel the corresponding soaring high when a director gets it right.  Nevertheless, I thought this movie was a pretty good time.  Although, (and I almost feel crazy for saying this) clocking it at just under two hours, this movie felt a little bit rushed for a Marvel movie.  That sounds insane, I know.  But, I’ve gotten so used to these huge superhero behemoths running close to three hours, that that’s what I mentally prepared myself for.

See this movie if the mood strikes you.  It took me a pretty long time to get around to it, but I don’t think I suffered for the delay.  So, it’s no big deal if you decide to skip it.  But, I had a good time watching it.  And I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t too . . . unless you have some prejudice against wizards, of course. (And, who doesn't, really?)

Lady Bird - We've All Been There

Movie: Lady Bird

My Rating: 3 stars

I have pretty mixed feelings about this movie.  On one hand, it is a genuinely authentic-feeling story about what it feels like to be a teenager—covering desires, relationships, aspirations.  But, on the other, it also feels fairly unremarkable.  It’s a mystery how the members of the Academy end up selecting which specific movies they want to single out for their awards.  And, when I see movies like this make it into the final cut, it starts to seem more than likely that there are some fishy, backroom deals, or political bargaining going on.  Because, this movie is perfectly fine, but it didn’t stand out to me more than any other high school, coming-of-age story I’ve seen.

I don’t want to sound like I’m being too critical of this movie.  I liked it well enough.  And, it definitely stirred up some pretty complex feelings and memories from back when I was a teen.  Those are some of the most difficult years in a person’s life.  It’s a time full of trying to conform while your body and life are going through some very dramatic changes.  Teens can be ruthless rule-enforcers—all at a time when most things that are happening are beyond one’s control.  It’s a prison.  And, the situation is so perverse.  But of course, there are also some bad surprises waiting for people who thought high school was a breeze.  Eighteen isn’t an age in which one would want to stop emotionally developing.  And, kids who are too popular and accepted are in serious danger of stunting their emotional growth and becoming like one of those sad creeps hanging around school after they’ve graduated.  No one wants that.  These are obviously fertile grounds for screenwriters to till.  But most people get to experience it for themselves.  So, movies that explore some of these basic themes don’t feel like they’re doing anything very noteworthy.

I feel like I should have liked this movie more than I did because everyone else seemed to be raving about it around Oscar season.  But, I suspect that maybe some of that enthusiasm might have been secondary.  Perhaps a few of those critics were going bananas for this movie because they felt the same way I did.  Or, maybe I just missed something.  Who knows?  Part of me says you might want to see this movie just so you’ll know what everyone else has been talking about.  But, the other part of me says “You’re a busy lady.  You don’t have to waste your limited leisure time doing things you don’t want to do.”

The Death of Stalin - Pitch Black Comedy

Movie: The Death of Stalin

My Rating: 3 stars

What an odd, dark movie.  I’m not even quite sure how describe it, because no one archetype really seems to fit this unique film.  It’s been advertised as a black comedy about the chaotic days in Russia after Stalin is discovered to have died.  Immediately, his family, his cabinet, and political allies are thrown into a panic, trying desperately to fill the power vacuum with something that would be most advantageous (and least perilous) for them.  And, I guess it’s technically accurate to call this movie a comedy.  I suppose it is a comedic character study.  But, the subjects are some of the most ruthless, scheming, power-hungry despots in history.  So, any laughs the material generates still leaves one rather unsettled.  Because, when that kind of conniving character is sent into a survivalist panic, he’s at his most dangerous.  The best thing to survive this kind of upheaval would be to go into deep hiding until the worst of the political storm has blown over.  But, the historical figures in this story chose to negotiate and scheme and form alliances instead.  And, we all know by now that that really only works for the party that wins.

I found this movie to be very interesting, if not classically entertaining.  And, I’m glad I took the time to go see it.  I really am a fan of dark comedies.  Although, this film definitely falls at the most nihilistic end of the black comedy spectrum.  It really does make one feel like life is meaningless, and that all is hopeless.  And, that’s not traditionally what people reach for when selecting a diversion.  This film is certainly not a crowd pleaser.  But, sometimes I get tired of watching the same old thing all the time, and this is just the kind of bizarre headscratcher that can pique my interest.  I think I would recommend this movie, but it’s not for your average moviegoer.  It would help if you have an interest in Russian history, or a strong appreciation for the blackest humor.  I happened to watch this movie with a companion who fell into both categories, so that was a bonus.  Although, it was still the kind of movie that when it was over, the whole audience filed wordlessly out of the theater, pretty confused about what they had just seen.  I realize that I’m really qualifying my recommendation of this quite a bit.  But, if that description hasn’t scared you off this movie, then I think you’ll really get a lot out of it.

Train to Busan - Zombies on a Train

Movie: Train to Busan

My Rating: 4 stars

I watch a lot of zombie movies.  And, I read a lot of reviews from people who watch a lot of zombie movies.  So, when I heard my fellow zombie-lovers raving about this new Korean movie I had to check it out.  So, I watched it, and . . . it’s a zombie movie, just like many others I’ve seen.  Yes, it was a good movie.  I do like these things after all.  And, this movie was well executed.  But’s it’s pretty much got all the tropes of a classic tale of the undead—good guys, bad guys, bad guys that turn good, budding romance, children that must be protected, maybe a pregnant lady, people who don’t want to accept that their loved on has turned.  It’s all in there.  So, I tried to figure out why this movie came so highly recommended.  And, then I realized that the person who recommended the movie to me is a dad whose daughter looks exactly like the main, little girl protagonist whose dad is trying to protect her from the threat.  And, then it all became clear.  But, I won’t hold it against him.

Of course, this film does have the gimmick of placing most of the story’s action on a moving commuter train.  That creates an interesting narrative limitation.  First of all, there’s the familiar nightmare of being trapped in a very tight, enclosed location with an infectious zombie.  Then there’s the issue of movement.  Since the characters are stuck moving along what is essentially a two-dimensional line, their strategies for avoiding danger must adapt.  If there are zombies on a middle car, the people at the back of the train will have to find a way to go right through them if they’re going to reach the survivors at the front—especially when the people at the front are threatening to uncouple from the rest of the train to leave the infected behind.  And, the fact that the actual train is stuck traveling along unmoving tracks creates interesting problems when the train meets a roadblock, or when the conductor learns that the city toward which they are traveling is completely infested.  There’s no way to change course suddenly.  And, this movie features fast, running zombies.  They’d be on you in an instant if you tried to get out and run for it.  So, I suppose this movie does have a few novel ideas to offer.

I think I would end up recommending this movie, even though it may not be the completely innovative film that I had originally assumed it was.  The movie really is well executed.  And, even though it sticks to classic tropes, it does play by the rules of zombie lore.  I’ll admit to comparing this movie to others in the genre (and also Snowpiercer—another Korean horror movie set on a train).  I guess trains are an important part of daily life in Korea?  But, comparing films is usually a losing game.  And, I usually try to evaluate films on their own merits.  And, this one passes the test.  Enthusiasts of the zombie genre will be satisfied by this offering.

Rough Night - A Bit Derrivative

Movie: Rough Night

My Rating: 3 stars

This movie was alright.  I didn’t hate it or anything.  But, by no means did I think it was anything better than a mediocre attempt to capitalize on the bawdy shenanigans of the misbehaving ladies from Bridesmaids.  I mean, I guess we are living in the times of emotionally stunted, adults with a bad case of Peter Pan Syndrome.  We’re a whole generation of new adults who no longer have limitations set on us by our parents, who don’t yet have the responsibilities of families of our own (if we ever get them), and who have the disposable income to make our most destructive dreams a reality.  So, it’s only natural that a bunch of comedies will have popped up celebrating our childish antics.  But unfortunately, this movie just felt a bit to derivative of a lot of the comedies I’ve been seeing lately.

Scarlett Johansson plays an uptight political candidate who is getting married.  And, her irresponsible college friends are throwing her a bachelorette party.  Naturally that means a trip to Miami, a bunch of drugs, and males strippers that Scarlett does not want.  But, her friends sure do.  These irresponsible friends are played by Kate McKinnon, Ilana Glazer, and Jillian Bell—all actors who are well known for their lewd and juvenile antics.  And, then there’s Zoe Kravitz, who plays another uptight business-lady type—because every party needs a pooper.  And, the story gets off to a disastrous start as these rowdy bachelorettes somehow manage to kill their stripper.  Now, they’ve got to figure out how to dispose of the body before anyone finds out—all while drunk and completely coked out of their gourds.  Yes, it sounds like wild and wacky fun.  And, yes it also sounds completely like a whole mess of other movies you’ve already seen—Bridesmaids, The Night Before, and Sisters come to mind immediately.  And, it really follows the formula pretty closely.

Again, this isn’t a bad film.  It’s enjoyable enough, so if you want to see it, don’t let me dissuade you. I enjoyed it for what it was—a little bit of rude fun, but essentially a cynical cash-grab based on a tried and true formula.  But, there are a few performances that still stand out in this movie.  I always love Jillian Bell.  She was made for comedy, and this role suits her perfectly.  I also kinda loved Ty Burrell and Demi Moore as the creepy, oversexed cougar couple who live next-door to the girls’ vacation house, and who are always trying to lure them into some kind of nude hot-tubbing.  They are hilarious, and they perform really well off each other.  And, they are the best parts of what would otherwise be a pretty unremarkable movie.  So, I’ll leave it up to you to decide on this one for yourselves.

Johnny Mnemonic - Pretty Painful

Movie: Johnny Mnemonic

My Rating: 2 stars

Uuuuuugh.  I’m not quite sure how to write out the primordial wail that emanated from my soul after trying to make sense of this movie.  Not that anyone was asking me to.  This is a very old movie about the internet.  It came out in 1995.  And, we all know that very old movies about the internet are always groaners.  I guess that’s part of the fun.  But, I’m pretty sure I watched this movie about twenty years too late to enjoy it properly.  I suppose if I had watched it and liked it right when it came out, I might have some nostalgic love for the film that would outweigh how ridiculous it is.  But, I watched this movie for the first time in 2018, and it really didn’t hold up to the kind of scrutiny I was giving it.

The movie stars Keanu Reeves as our cyber-courier.  He carries highly sensitive information that has been uploaded into his brain to clients that are very secretive, and usually dangerous.  We get some classic mid-90s Keanu Reeves acting too—always monotone, never really quite sure of the appropriate tone for the scene.  These days, Keanu Reeves has finally found the perfect role for his understated acting style in the John Wick character.  And, I had almost forgotten why he had been such a punchline for jokes about bad acting for the longest time.  So, I was delighted to be reminded of how completely dramatically tone-deaf he once was.  That was a treat.  But unfortunately, I had to sit through the rest of this nonsense story.  Granted, it’s always pretty hilarious to see what people from a long time ago thought the future was going to look like.  In this case, it’s a grimy dystopia with an extreme rift between the high-tech luxurious lives of the rich, and the oil-can fires of the technophobic poor.  Technology body implants are a thing in this world, but there are just as many dangerous, back-alley body-mods as there are safe, sterile ones.  But, the biggest takeaway I got from this movie is that people in the future are really into face paints, vaguely Asian garb, and silver tops.  Sadly, there were no shiny jumpsuits.

I don’t think this movie is worth watching if you’re coming to it for the first time now.  I’m sure it has some nostalgia value for people who knew and loved the film in the 90s.  But, it really doesn’t hold up.  I suppose there’s a pretty interesting anthropological essay that could be written about people’s perception of the future based on this and a bunch of the other “internet” movies that came out in the 90s.  But, if you’re just looking for a movie to watch for fun, keep looking.

Split - All Set Up, No Delivery

Movie: Split

My Rating: 3 stars

This movie had a lot going for it in theory.  It’s a dark thriller about a man with split personalities, staring James McAvoy—one of my favorites.  It’s a ticking-clock scenario in which kidnapped teens are trying to escape from a madman before he murders them all.  It all sounds very exciting.  I just wish the movie had lived up to all this potential.  The movie ended up being all set-up without a very satisfying follow-through.

A group of three very spoiled teenage girls is kidnapped.  They seem to have been targeted specifically because of this brattiness.  Of course, they’re not being told why they’ve been taken, or what their captor wants from them.  But it becomes clear pretty quickly that their kidnapper isn’t even a little bit sane.  The girls are locked in a room and based on the voices they can hear through the door, they think they may be being held by a group of several different people—the man who took them, a woman, and maybe a boy.  But, when they manage to get a peak, it becomes blood-chillingly clear that they are all one person with a split personality—the madman who abducted them.  Their only chance it to try to convince one of this man’s more sympathetic personalities to help them to escape.  Of course, the girls don’t know who they’re going to get from moment to moment.  And, they don’t know how much of this personality split is real, or if it’s just calculated to terrify them.  It’s that uncertainty that’s the most terrifying part about all of this.

But, I really don’t think I recommend this movie to very many people.  I do admit that the premise of the story is very interesting.  And, James McAvoy’s acting is pretty amazing.  In total, I think I remember him playing seven completely distinct characters, and his demeanor changes so entirely from one to the others that you know exactly who he is before he even opens his mouth.  So, if you’re a fan of James McAvoy like I am, perhaps the movie is worth a look.  But, the story is really pretty disappointing.  It’s just poorly executed.  It’s another M. Night Shyamalan creation, and as usual, he fails to deliver on a fairly promising set-up.  So, don’t waste your time unless you can’t tear yourself away from gazing into McAvoy’s sweet baby-blues.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle - Such a Delight

Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

My Rating: 5 stars

Well, this movie was an unexpected delight.  It had it all—a bit of nostalgia, a cheeky sense of humor, hilarious acting, a sense of childlike fun and whimsy.  I’m a fan.  In fact, this movie was so much fun that I’m pretty excited to watch it again.  When the first Jumanji came out in 1995, my brother and I were at an age when we thought this movie was just about the coolest thing ever.  I liked the idea of Safari-wear.  My brother liked the idea of turning into a monkey.  Actually, I think both of us liked both of those things.  But mostly, the idea of getting sucked into an adventure bard game with real life-or-death consequences felt very exciting.  And of course, at the time, those lumbering, CGI animals were the height of technological achievement.

I love the conceit of this movie.  The “spirit” inside the old Jumanji board game, sensing that no one was really interested that kind of old-fashioned toy anymore, transferred itself into a videogame cartridge, so as to better lure in its prey.  It was an ingenious way to update the story, while capturing enough of the original character of the first movie to elicit plenty of nostalgia.  It sure worked on me.  And, I like how the mechanics of the game were similarly updated to include the typical tropes of a cooperative video-game—lives, inventory, different skills and weaknesses, delightfully deadpan NPCs.  The tongue-in-cheek tone was spot on, and I was completely charmed.  Even though the first movie was released more than twenty years ago, I had liked it so much at the time, that I didn’t even have to go back and re-watch it to catch all the references to it in this one.

This movie was also cast really well.  You can’t get much funnier actors than Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Rhys Darby, and Jack Black.  And you can’t much more charming than Karen Gillan and Nick Jonas.  And, I loved that the high-school kids that were supposedly inhabiting these video game avatars were almost completely opposite in personality from what their characters were supposed to be.  That’s a difficult feat of acting to pull of believably, and they all accomplished it perfectly.  I highly recommend this movie to everyone.  I think it’s pretty family friendly.  And, it would definitely appeal to a wide variety of personalities.  And, it’s a wonderfully corny, yet exciting, good time.

Thor Ragnarok - I Watched it for Taika Waititi

Movie: Thor Ragnarok

My Rating: 4 stars

I probably wasn’t going to bother watching this film.  I’ve grown a bit weary of all these Marvel movies that keep getting cranked out.   There are so many of them, and they’re so similar in tone that I can’t even keep track of which ones I’ve seen and which I haven’t.  But then I discovered that this one was directed by Taika Waititi.  I love Taika Waititi’s work, and I’m always willing to check any of his projects.  I was certain that his unique sense of humor would bring something a little different to this superhero movie.  And it did.  That being said, the movie does feel as if Waititi’s cinematic sensibilities have been sterilized a bit by the studio execs in order to appeal to a broader audience.  His personality is definitely in there, but not in all its hilariously awkward glory.

I think this movie is definitely more about the small comedic moments than it is about the heroic, action-oriented story.  In fact, the overarching narrative—Thor trying to escape slavery as a gladiator while his home world is being destroyed by his evil sister—might as well be an afterthought.  Because, as a viewer, I was completely charmed by all the enchanting new characters being introduced.  I love Jeff Goldblum as the sleazy Grandmaster at the helm of the gladiatorial spectacles.  And, I was delighted to see Rachel House (who appears in all of Waititi’s movies) as Goldblum’s overzealous sidekick.  I’m always a fan of Tom Hiddleston’s Loki—a character I unfortunately relate to a little too much.  In my heart, I’d love to be the kind of bad-ass Valkyrie chick played by Tessa Thompson.  But, regrettably I seem to find myself in the position of making some of the same “it seemed like a good idea at the time” life choices that Loki does.  Sigh.  Of course, I’m always enamored with the kind of stylish, all-powerful, dark, female villain that Cate Blanchett plays.  And seeing Carl Urban as her hapless henchman was worth a chuckle.  All-in-all, this movie was cast and acted very well, which is what lead to my ultimately deciding that I liked it, even though I’m not really into comics.

But, his movie really is a fun time.  You probably don’t even have to be all that into the Marvel super-hero movies to enjoy it.  Of course, it is a big blockbuster, with all the glitz, fast cuts, action, and big budget.  And, it does water down the usually subtle and subversive comedy of Taika Waititi.  But, there’s still plenty of entertainment to be had, and eccentricity to enjoy.  I’d say, see it.  Of course, it might help to see the previous Thor movies for a bit of context, but it’s not strictly necessary.

Alien Covenant - Wish it Were Better

Movie: Alien Covenant

My Rating: 3 stars

I wish this movie made more sense.  I always loved these movies as a kid—some more than others of course.  But, I’ve really only been satisfied by the original three movies.  And, that third one really only made it in by the skin of its teeth.  But I’ve been pretty disappointed by most of the newer sequel/prequels.  And, I am always predisposed to like new additions to my favorite old franchises.  I’m usually prepared to be very generous with my judgement in those cases.  But, this movie really just felt like it was going through the motions, hitting the necessary beats for it to officially fall into the Alien world, but ultimately failing to capture the essence.

On paper, this movie seems to have it all—a tough female lead, a creepy android who’s probably up to no good, some super-gross rib-cage bursting scenes, a few characters who are punished for their sexuality with said rib-cage bursting.  But, this movie really feels like it was written by a committee of studio executives rather than by someone who really cared about the franchise or even sci-fi in general.  It feels pretty soulless.  That being said, I did like that the film at least attempted to explain some of the total nonsense introduced into the canon in Prometheus.  I enjoyed getting to visit the “Architects’” world and seeing what their civilization was like.  And, a lot of the Giger-style body horror is still pretty spot-on.  It’s very gruesome stuff.  And, it was pretty remarkable that the filmmakers managed to come up with a few original scares given how expansive and varied this universe of Alien movies has become.

I found this movie to be pretty disappointing overall.  Of course, I had heard that and was aware of it going in, and I was still committed to watching it.  I’ll probably never stop watching these Alien movies as long as they’re being made—mostly because of the nostalgia factor.  It sounds a bit strange to say about a gruesome horror movie, but I’ll always have a soft place in my heart for these films.  But, there’s also a part of me that’s hoping that one of these days a new director will do the story some justice.  I’m sure they’ll continue to churn out new additions every few years, and I’ll probably see them all.  So, I’ll keep crossing my fingers for a good one.  I don’t think there’s any need for you to see this movie unless you have an emotional attachment to the franchise like I do.  But, I’ll keep your posted as to whether a good, new one ever gets made.

Mayhem - Bad Day at the Office

Movie: Mayhem

My Rating: 3 stars

I’m a sucker for a good battle-royale.  And, I’m especially fond of the kind of horror/comedy/thriller movie where employees of an oppressive, corporate overlord have finally had enough, and are taking their frustrations out on their oppressors.  And, if power-tools are being used, all the better.  Although, I’m a little unclear on exactly what type of office has nail guns and radial saws just laying around for casual use.  But, I’m willing to be very generous in my suspension of disbelief.  Plus, this story is supposed to be a bit surreal.  So, I can go along with the fun. 

This particular brand of dystopic anarchy is caused by a virus.  It’s highly communicable and causes those infected to descend into a state of pure id.  Sex, violence, rock and roll—all your wildest impulses will come bubbling to the surface for a period of about twenty-four hours.  Of course, an outbreak like this at any office isn’t really conducive to getting much work done.  But at the cut-throat law firm in this story, the situation gets pretty dangerous.  At least the characters will finally get to do something about all those grudges they’ve kept hidden deep inside.

This movie started off on the right foot in my book with its casting.  Steven Yeun is pretty sexy, so casting him as Derek, the main protagonist whose meltdown we follow as the running through-line was an inspired choice.  And, Samara Weaving (playing Melanie) matches him beat for beat as his partner in crime/love interest.  They both capture that air of nothing-to-lose desperation with a touch of crazy-eye.  And, all the corporate fat-cats and partners in this law firm are played by the most perfectly smug and evil-looking character actors you could hope for.  They all look and act unendurably shady and manipulative.  Once the virus hits, Derek’s goal is to make it upstairs to the power-player’s floor to give his bosses a piece of his mind.  But, this law firm is locked down like a fortress.  Employees need the right keycard and authorization codes to travel up to the seat of power.  It almost feels like a video game: our hero sets out on a quest, running the gauntlet of murderous, feral coworkers, and searching for the key that will take him to the next level.

This is a fun movie.  It’s not serious at all.  But, the pacing is exciting, and it hits all the necessary elements for an office place showdown.  It isn’t even really the best example in the genre.  But, it had enough fun elements that it kept my attention well enough.  I won’t lie to you.  I mostly watched this movie to see Steven Yeun running around, wielding power tools.  And, this movie delivers that in abundance.  And, the story has enough “underdog sticking it to the man” to be emotionally satisfying.  I guess I’d recommend it if you like movies in this genre.  But, it’s probably not for a much wider audience.

The Shape of Water - Just Another Workplace Romance

Movie: The Shape of Water

My Rating: 3 stars

This movie is an odd creature (no pun intended).  The idea is so big and bizarre—a woman meets and falls in love with a merman at the top secret, scientific laboratory where she works.  But, the story is also so small.  It could be as simple as: a woman falls in love at work.  I’d like to say that there’s more to the story than that.  And, there are a couple of miniscule subplots featuring this woman’s best friend and neighbor.  But, that really is the meat of it.  I think the movie even intentionally highlights the small scale of this narrative by focusing in on the trivial, unchanging, daily routines each character has.  The film really seems to be more about those banal rituals than it is about the fantastical creature the evil scientists have captured.

I’m not quite sure why the Academy went so bananas for this movie at the Oscars.  It was up for all kinds of awards.  But, I thought the movie was really just ok.  Guillermo del Toro’s aesthetics are always so haunting and impressive.  His imagery is so grotesque, and always a little frightening.  But, he’s made plenty of other films that I thought were way better.  I’m not sure why people chose this one in particular to triumph.  The film is paced like a children’s fairy tale.  And, I suppose this story really is supposed to be a modern fairy tale of sorts.  But, it felt a bit out of place in the context of a feature film. 

If I were to evaluate this movie based on the story alone, I would probably have rated it lower.  But, I do have to balance than against my love for the artistic style of Guillermo del Toro.  He really knows how to create magic with imagery.  And, he manages to convey so much mood and tone with the aesthetics alone.  His protagonists are presented in a style that feels very dilapidated, romantic, and European.  Whereas the antagonists are displayed as bright, sterile, squeaky-clean, and vulgarly American.  So much of the storytelling is accomplished with this use of artistic style.  And, I always respect that in filmmaking.  I’m not going to fault anyone who really enjoyed this movie.  I can see what there is to like about it and can appreciate it for what it is.  But, it didn’t happen to fall quite as deeply in love with it as other people did.

Little Evil - Kids are Creepy

Movie: Little Evil

My Rating: 3 stars

By now you’ve got to know that I love a horror-comedy.  It’s probably my favorite genre.  So, this comedy about a hapless newlywed Gary, whose new step-son may or may not be the Antichrist, really piqued my interest.  Of course, just about every step-dad is probably convinced that his new wife’s kid is the spawn of Satan.  But, when the little guy is able to summon plagues and rain down hellfire on his enemies, we have to admit that Dad may have a point.  Of course, Mom Samantha doesn’t want to hear a word of it.  Lucas is her little angel and she just can’t understand why anyone would blame a child for a few school administrators getting buried alive or perishing in a spontaneous fire.

Evangeline Lilly is pleasant as the mom, Samantha.  She’s sweet and beautiful and plays the earnest character very well.  But, Adam Scott and his posse of other step-dads really steal the show.  Scott is always great playing the straight-man.  He really has a talent for taking himself very seriously in the funniest way possible.  I think his natural resting face looks bewildered. And, the group of other step-dad friends from the neighborhood really punctuate the silliness.  I especially like Bridget Everett as Al.  And, of course, there’s the little devil himself, Owen Atlas as Lucas.  Little kids are always pretty creepy when they’re used in horror movies.  But, this little guy really nails being comedically sinister.  He’s got the right little face for it.  It’s all very funny.

This movie is pretty easy to get your hands on.  I got it streaming through Netflix.  I think it’s part of their new catalog of original content.  So, it’s definitely worth checking out this one.  It’s well-made, moves quickly, and the comedy is spot-on in tone.  It is definitely at the sillier end of the horror-comedy spectrum, so it’s not really a “must-see.”  But, it’s a good choice if you’re in the mood for some irreverent fun.

The Wedding Plan - Absurd Fun

Movie: The Wedding Plan

My Rating: 3 stars

I enjoy a wholesome religious comedy from time to time.  Now, I’m not talking about films like those Christian movies that are not-so-secretly trying to proselytize to viewers.  I can’t stand anything too preachy.  And, I’m not talking about mainstream movies that have been scrubbed of any possibly offensive material for a “family” audience.  When I say “religious comedy,” I mean movies that derive their humor from the crazy, frequently comedic positions a person is put in because of their adherence to a certain religious doctrine.  This isn’t making fun of those religions.  In fact, most of this type of movie is made by members of the religion in question, and it’s their attempt to poke a little fun at themselves and some of the farcical situations they may find themselves in because of their lifestyle.  I can’t stand humorless people or content.  So, I’m always happy to celebrate people who are willing to embrace life’s absurdities.  And, this movie really is a silly one.

Michal wants to get married.  And, she’s also a very religious, Orthodox Jew living in Jerusalem.  She’s done waiting around for the right man to come along.  The match-makers aren’t having any luck with her case.  And clearly, none of her own efforts to find a husband have been working either.  So, she’s decided to let God take over the whole mess.  She sets a date for her wedding, books a venue, buys a dress, and pays for all the food and flowers.  She trusts that God will deliver her a groom at the right time and place.  It’s a ridiculous premise, and the comedy gets pretty silly along the way to the altar.  This movie definitely falls right into that genre of comedy with a crazy (but loveable) female protagonist who can’t help but getting in her own way.  This movie is lighthearted and fun, and the inherently tragic nature of this kind of character doesn’t bring the mood down too much.

This is a pretty cute movie.  It’s nothing too special—nothing I’d go out of my way to see.  I kinda just stumbled across it, myself.  But, it was enjoyable nonetheless.  And, it’s the kind of “romantic comedy” that won’t send you into diabetic shock.  But at its heart, it’s pretty fluffy and insubstantial.  So, if this movie sounds right up your alley, go ahead and rent it.  I think you’ll really like it.  But for everyone else, you won’t be missing out on very much if you decide to skip it.

Call Me By Your Name - Steamy Stuff

Movie: Call Me By Your Name

My Rating: 4 stars

I had heard a lot about this film before I finally got my hands on it.  Everyone who had seen it told me that it’s sexy, and sad, and beautiful.  And, after having watched the movie, I’d have to say that I agree.  But, what I think it the most remarkable about this movie is that it does an amazing job of conjuring up all those intense, painful, exciting emotions that every hormone-addled teen has felt when they’re taking their first steps into romantic love.  Those emotions are so powerful and all-consuming.  When you’re first experiencing that kind of love or infatuation for the first time, it’s all you can think about.  It consumes your thoughts, but it’s also a little scary too because it’s so new.  And, this movie captures the essence of those feelings very well.

This movie is about a teenage boy, Elio, who is experiencing that first intense, romantic attraction to Oliver, his father’s research assistant that is staying with their villa in Italy for the summer.  Of course, the situation is even more complex and tortuous than first love already is because Elio is also coming to terms with the fact that he is attracted to men.  And, this movie is set in the early 1980s, a time when being openly gay was less accepted than it is now.  But, this story isn’t about how the rest of the world perceives the relationship between these two men.  That context merely serves to frame the story between Oliver and Elio.  The story is really told from inside the relationship.  It’s very intimate, and very personal.  In fact, we only get hints as to how the men feel about what everyone else thinks of them.  They’re really more concerned with feeling out the boundaries between them.  It really gets the blood racing.

I think this movie can be enjoyed by a pretty wide audience.  Of course, there are always going to be those people that are made uncomfortable by any sexual content in a movie.  And, the undercurrent of this movie really is very sexual.  But, the majority of the sex is merely implied or happens off-screen.  So, there’s nothing very explicit to embarrass you when watching this in mixed company.  That being said, I still probably wouldn’t watch this movie with my mother.  So, if you’re in the mood for a very moody, sexy, European-style love story, this is the movie for you.