Movie: The Canyons
My Rating: 1 star
Oh boy! What a train wreck! I couldn’t resist renting this movie, because I had heard it was absolute garbage. And, that kind of thing is always really fun to watch. I figured, how bad could it really be? And as usual, I paid the price for my curiosity (and loved every second). But, I guess that’s to be expected when the lead characters are played by Lindsay Lohan and a porn star—two individuals who aren’t exactly known for their acting skills. But, Lindsay used to be a good actress, right? When she was a kid? So, I’m not sure how she turned into such a wooden, tone-deaf mess. Probably all the drugs.
Unintentionally funny movies are one of my favorite genres ever. I always love it when one of the actors has no idea how silly he’s coming off. And, this movie is so special because all of the actors are clueless. Maybe Paul Schrader, the director, is in on the joke—and probably Bred Easton Ellis too, the author of the book it’s based on (I listened to an interview of him once, where he expressed dismay that no one understood that American Psycho was satire). But, every single actor thinks he’s in a gritty, murder drama. Really, the whole thing just feels like a bad set-up for a porno. (Understandable, given that porn-star, James Deen is the male lead).
I honestly can’t remember all of the details of this story because the bad acting was so distracting. I think all the characters are supposed to be Hollywood actors. And, they’re all cheating on one another. So, this naturally leads to a few murders. The film presents all of these characters as if they’re irresistibly sexy, so it’s comical to see how “resistible” they all are. None of them are as attractive as they’re held out to be. And, if they can’t pull off their acting for the sake of this movie, then there’s no way we’re going to believe they can do it in the story. But, maybe that’s all part of the joke. It’s pretty hard to tell, because everyone is playing the scenes so straight.
Despite what this movie claims to be, I think it’s really about Lindsay Lohan’s real-life, nightmare descent into booze and pills. It’s kind of heartbreaking. Apparently she was a terror to work with on set. I hear they had a hard time financing the movie because she’s uninsurable. And, you can really tell that she isn’t all there most of the time. But, I think this movie is still worth watching if you’re into movies that are so bad they’re good. Everyone likes to complain. And, this one is excellent fodder for a full-blown rant about the state of the entertainment industry. But be warned, there’s tons of pretty graphic sex in the movie, so don’t sit down to watch it with your parents or with a date you’re nervous about.