Movie: The Last Witch Hunter
My Rating: 2 stars
I’m not entirely sure why I went to see this movie. Well, actually I do. The trailer made it look pretty exciting. Sure, we have to deal with Vin Diesel’s ridiculous acting. And, I had prepared myself for that. But, I was pretty interested in seeing all the magic, and time travel, and great looking graphics. But, something definitely went wrong during the editing phase of this thing, because the pacing is really bizarre. The story is rushed. The characters are barely developed. And, all the problems presented in the story are cleaned up a little too quickly and conveniently right at the end. But, none of this cheesy acting or weird pacing is ludicrous enough to make this movie one of those silly bombs that are fun to heckle. It just feels kinda lame.
In this story Vin Diesel is a witch hunter. He was cursed with immortality by the Witch Queen as he was killing her in the Middle Ages. We know it was the middle ages because Vin dons a super tough beard, carries swords, and is wearing furs. But now, in modern day, it appears that the Witch Queen is trying to make a comeback. So it’s up to Vin Diesel to stop her with the help of his skinny, Catholic priest friend, and a sassy, young redhead he picked up in a bar. (I’m pretty sure that Diesel personally selected both of these tiny actors to make himself look like a tall, ripped, beefcake). I feels pretty silly. Of course, this whole movie feels like an excuse for Vinny to prance around the set swinging swords and pretending to be a magical badass. And, you can tell that he’s clearly loving it. But apart from this general absurdity, there are actually a few things to like about this movie as well. A lot of the magic doesn’t look half bad. There are a few big witch fights and they’re actually pretty exciting. That’s actually the best part of the movie—meeting some of the various witches, and seeing their powers. And, like I said before, the visual effects are all very beautiful. This is meant to be an epic story, and the fantastical sets and effects fit with the theme very nicely. But, the poor story development really just killed the movie for me.
I won’t judge you for renting this movie. It has enough enjoyable elements to make this a breezy night at home on the couch. But by no means should you pay to go see this one in theaters. I made that mistake so that you won’t have to. I really wanted to like it, but it truly is a bad movie. Of course, I had read that it was bad, and I was lured to the theater anyway. So feel free to override my recommendation if you just can’t resist the siren song of Vin Diesel’s biceps, bulging through his black, turtleneck sweater.