Movie: Furious 7
My Rating: 4 stars
These movies are really fun. In fact, the more ludicrous the situations these kids find themselves in, and the more impossible the action sequences, the better they are. And, it took the franchise a few tries to really understand how far they could push the envelope. These are car movies. It’s about racing cars, enhancing cars, inappropriately polishing and caressing cars, and blowing cars up in explosive fireballs! But, the target audience really couldn’t care less about any kind of accuracy or reality. All they want to see is those expensive, exotic cars being destroyed in big, spectacular collisions. The bigger, the better. And, the dollar amount keeps going up with each subsequent film in the franchise.
Oh, and Michelle Rodriguez. The audience also wants to see Michelle Rodriguez working on an engine in one of her little tank top numbers. I know Vin Diesel would love to think the movie is about him, his growling baritone, and his sweet guns. Why else would he have insisted on a clause in his contract that prohibits the screenwriters from having him lose a fight on screen? It’s because he’s pretty sure he’s the main draw. But, no. The audience really isn’t that interested in Vin Diesel working on an engine in one of his little tank top numbers. It’s Michelle.
I love how the directors of these films have wholeheartedly embraced the cheesiness and the pure excess. Vin Diesel reflexively grumbles about “family” in almost every scene he’s on screen (when he’s not playing oddly sexual games of chicken with Jason Statham). And, I heard that the crew destroyed a total of about two hundred and thirty cars during the production of the movie. And, that’s two hundred and thirty very beautiful cars. The crew destroyed all of downtown Rio de Janeiro in number five. Then they tore up London in installment six. How could they possibly top that kind of destruction? Why, by flying an impossibly rare car through the hundredth floor windows of a few skyscrapers in Abu Dhabi, of course! It’s only natural that the gang would decide to go destroy millions of dollars worth of property in the United Arab Emirates. The amount of rare antiques and brand new luxury goods, sitting around, just waiting to be smashed is legendary. It’s the only way to top the damage amount from the previous films. It also gives our crew an excuse to put on fancy dresses and tuxes, go to a ritzy party, and get into a few fistfights with Rhonda Rousey. The uszh.
You want to see this movie. It’s so much fun—especially if you’ve been tracking the franchise and have all the back-story. But, don’t come crying to me about all the impossibilities—that Vin Diesel wouldn’t possibly be able to lift a car with his bare hands. Or that The Rock would never be able to lift a hundred-and-fifty-pound, fully automatic gun with one (broken) hand and fire it into a helicopter. You might as well mention that Michelle Rodriguez couldn’t ever donut her car over the edge of a cliff, snagging a freefalling Paul Walker! You knew what kind of silliness you were getting yourself into, so I don’t want to hear it. Just embrace the absurdity and have a good time. You won’t regret it.