Dark Fairy Tales

Movie: Bluebeard

My Rating: 4 stars

This is a surprisingly interesting film—charming and disturbing at the same time.  It’s a delightfully old-fashioned fairy tale—the kind you don’t really see any more.  It seems like these days, everyone’s interested in reinterpreting fairy tales into sassy, tales full of ironic humor, and empowered female leads.  But, this one’s different.  Or, should I say traditional?  It’s very old-school.  The story is set in the very bleak Old Europe, with poverty and malnutrition.  Elderly widowers marry eleven-year-old brides, and these girls are ok with the arrangement because it’s better than starving to death.  Heck, our little heroine is just thrilled just to be getting the first new dress she’s ever had.  You just don’t see this stuff anymore.

The Bluebeard story is an old classic, but a lot of people aren’t familiar with it anymore. The story has fallen out of favor lately since it’s one of the more barbaric of the old-style stories.  A wealthy lord marries young, local girls, but his brides always seem to go missing after a short time.  We get a glimpse of what has been going on when he marries the main female character, an 11-year-old girl, Marie-Catherine, whose family is thrown into poverty when her father, the main bread-winner, dies suddenly.  Bluebeard is charmed by the girl’s innocence.  In fact, he seems obsessed by it.  He gives her full reign of his castle, and hands over all the keys, telling her that he knows he can trust her.  But, he tells her that there is one door that she is never to go into.  He then promptly leaves on a “business trip.”  As we might expect, the very first thing our little lass does when he leaves is run to open up that door.  There, she finds the corpses of all Bluebeard’s previous wives.  Turns out, they’d all gotten too uppity, and peeked into the room after he’d told them not to.  Bluebeard learns of their untrustworthy nature, of course, by returning “early” from his business trip.  And, now he can’t even trust little Marie-Catherine—the most “innocent” of all his wives!  He decides that she must be put to death as well.  It’s pretty bleak.  What could have been the purpose of such a story?  To teach young brides to be obedient?  I can see why people might be reluctant to read this old story to their children—or at least why it doesn’t seem very relevant today.

The film is presented in the recognizable format of two little girls reading a scary, old, fairy tale book in the attic.  Their mother has told them not to, because they always end up crying when they get scared.  But, I’m not really sure why the story was framed this way.  The Bluebeard story seems to work pretty well on it’s own, and the two, little readers don’t really add that much to the story.  I guess it could be a commentary on how the nature of children’s tales have changed.  We don’t really read these stark, bloody tales to kids anymore.  Or, it could serve to highlight the difference between the quality of life in the Middle Ages versus now.  The sisters in the fairy tale have to face the hard realities of life and from a very young age.  Their mother thrusts them into the adult world, where they’ll have to earn their keep through marriage.  But, our modern-day sisters are allowed to stay little girls, reading stories and drinking milk.  On second thought, perhaps that’s exactly the purpose of this format.  Maybe it’s attempting to show just why this old story is no longer relevant—why little girls have to sneak up into the attic to read it, even though they give themselves nightmares every time they do.  The contrast between two sets of girls, each sneaking into forbidden rooms in the house, couldn’t be more dramatic.  This is a funny sort of movie.  It’s far different in tone from anything I’ve seen before—deliberate and bleak, yet seen through innocent eyes.  But, I think it’s definitely worthwhile.

Good Old-Fashioned Fun

Movie: Memphis Heat: The True Story of Memphis Wrasslin'
My Rating: 4 stars

Memphis Heat is the rowdy and raucous account of “Memphis style” professional wrestling in the 50s, 60s, and 70s—from Sputnik Monroe’s feats of athletics, all the way to Andy Kaufman’s amusing shenanigans.  I was lucky enough to be sent an advance copy of this documentary to review, and I can report that it’s a wild and rowdy film.  Emotions run high, the drama is intense, and the injuries are real (even if the moves and rivalries aren’t).  The overall effect: pure bedlam.  And, the crowds loved it.  “Memphis style” wrestling was known for involved story lines, over-the-top showmanship, and a general disrespect for the rules of safety and sportsmanship.  The goal was to fill seats (and the cash box), so the more outrageous the promoters could make the show, the bigger the draw. 

You had man-wrestling, lady-wrestling, midget-wrestling (I know, I know, not a PC term, but it’s what they called it), lady-midget wrestling—even the very questionable bear-wrestling.  Who could have ever thought having someone wrestle a bear was a good idea?  But all these spectacles drew a big crowd.  I think I remember my dad saying that even he went to some of these midget-wrestling shows when he was a kid up in Minnesota.  It was popular stuff.  I actually watched a pretty interesting documentary a little while ago that focused just on the subcategory of Memphis-style lady wrestling.  It was called Lipstick and Dynamite.  Those girls were hard-core!  And they really got injured doing this stuff.  Concussions, torn ligaments, detached retinas—and, it’s not like they were making enough money to make up for all this damage.  I was even more blown away when I realized that those girls were in the same generation as my grandma.  I have a hard time imagining my gran throwing down in the ring.  I guess every generation has its tough girls.

This documentary, Memphis Heat, is particularly interesting in how it puts the whole professional wrestling phenomenon into context—both historical and social.  The United States was going through some dramatic social changes during this time—the Memphis area especially.  And, as the most popular regional form of entertainment, the professional wrestling shows naturally reflected some of these issues.  The issues might come up in the scripts for the shows.  Some of the most famous “bad guys” in these shows were German or Japanese characters.  Or, they’d show themselves in seating and ticketing policy at the performances.  For most of it’s run, the seating for these shows was still segregated.  Some of the wrestlers, themselves, even used their celebrity as a means to discuss their political ideas.  It’s pretty interesting stuff.

The issue of how poorly all these wrestlers were paid is another of the main themes that the documentary touches on.  These men and women (and bears) were expected to go all-out physically for the exhibition.  They weren’t really supposed to be trying to hurt one another, but the wrestlers were expected to make the fights look pretty real back then.  If they could draw blood, even better.  There was a lot of bodily wear and tear that just couldn’t be avoided.  And, for all this effort, sometimes the performers wouldn’t even break even.  They were expected to find their own transportation from venue to venue.  And, the promoters always had some mystifying formula for calculating each wrestler’s take that never quite added up to enough at the end of the night.  For as seedy and exploitative as we think showbiz is today, the situation was far worse in that era.

This is a great documentary.  And, it’s unbelievably thorough as well.  I’m not the biggest wrestling fan, so I have to admit that I haven’t explored this feature of the film yet, but the DVD boasts over four hours of archival wrestling footage in its Special Features.  That’s cinematic gold for anyone who’s into this stuff.  But, you don’t have to be.  I really enjoyed this documentary even without being all that into wrestling.  The film also serves as a pretty unique portrait of a time and place, told from a very particular, non-traditional point of view.

Cult Disappointments

Movie: May

My Rating: 2 stars

I can usually count on The Onion’s AV Club recommendations.  I think my taste in movies is pretty similar to that of its columnists.  But sometimes they can lead me astray.  I supposed that’s especially true with the New Cult Canon column, because columnist Scott Tobias covers cult films regardless of whether he likes them or not.  There are lots of reasons why a movie might become a cult film, just like people have widely varying taste in films.  I do tend to like the quirky, dark humor that typically makes a cult film, but every now and then I encounter some that I’m just not into.  And, I really wasn’t into this film.  This is a story about a dark, twisted, mentally unstable girl as she goes even crazier.  That’d be the titular May.  She’s just looking for love, but she’s so delicate in temperament that she just can’t handle the little flaws and foibles that normal people have.  Just about everyone can be a little inconsiderate or self-centered at times, but May interprets these traits as signs of rejection, or that those people are untrustworthy.  And, it’s never a good thing to piss off a psychopath.

Unfortunately, I found that this film just plods on in the most predictable way possible.  Sure, it’s a horror film, and it deals with some pretty bloody subject matter at times.  A horror movie can usually make up for a lack of content with a few cheap scares.  But, even this wasn’t enough to get my heart racing at all.  This movie is admittedly derivative.  Director Lucky McKee acknowledges borrowing elements from many other horror films, to create a Frankenstein of a film, stitched together from the best parts of other works.  And, that’s very appropriate for a film about a girl who likes to stitch together her own, funky fashions from various scraps of pretty fabric.  If, McKee was only going for that, a multi-layered exercise in layered meanings, then he succeeds.  And, maybe this is what all the cult film buffs are latching onto.  But, I’m of the mind that the best films also work on the highest, most obvious level, too—the entertainment level.  I don’t typically buy into all those arguments about artistic “purity,” because usually they’re just the insincere attempts of hipsters that are trying to seem more cultured than the commoners.  Of course, there are always exceptions.  There are plenty of truly amazing films out there that are really a chore to watch.  I’m just saying that you have to be pretty sure as a director that your film is one of these masterpieces to attempt this.  And, I pretty much just told you that May doesn’t accomplish the task.  If I were you, I wouldn’t make any special effort to see this one, unless you’re following along with the A.V. Club like I am.

Epic Rivalry

Movie: Beetle Queen Conquers Tokyo!
My Rating: 3 stars

Here’s another documentary that I’d been waiting a really long time to see. It’s a Japanese film, and it took several months to come out in the United States, but I am used to waiting for foreign films that look interesting to me. I had thought this film was going to be about the epic beetle battles staged by elementary-school-aged, Japanese boys. That may sound a little bizarre or obscure to you, but I assure you, this “sport” is quite the thing with these youngsters. These boys will purchase and train champion fighting beetles, and pit them against each other in little tournaments. Stag Beetle vs. Rhinoceros Beetle: A Legendary Rivalry. All fights are to the death. It’s kinda like mini dog fighting. Or, if if that sounds a little cruel to you, like a live-action Pokemon battle. I was expecting drama--struggles and tears. Little kids are famous for their roller-coaster of emotions, and a tournament setting would provide the perfect context for that excitement. But, that’s not what this film turned out to be about.

Rather than being an account of the strange and intense world of underground beetle fighting, this documentary turned out to be simply about Japan’s general obsession with bugs--all the ways insects have worked their way into historic and modern Japanese popular culture. And, these little boys’ blood sport is merely one episode in the overarching story. I suppose the larger story is pretty interesting too. Japan, being a very steamy, humid island nation has always had a very intense love/hate relationship with bugs. The place is crawling with them! You can hear that steady drone of the cicadas in the background of just about every Japanese film you see, whether it’s live action or animated. That sound really encapsulates the essence of summertime in Japan. But, the film just has much different pacing and tone than I was expecting. I was expecting the hype and theatrics of a martial arts film.

But, the pacing of this documentary is much more leisurely and contemplative. It explores all the different kinds of people who are into the vibrant bug culture. Of course, there are the blood-thirsty grade schoolers. But, then there are the quiet, slackers who hunt these bugs for a living. These are the guys who supply the pet stores where our little boys purchase their next champion. And then, there are the harried fathers who shell out all kinds of cash for their kids to buy them--maybe if they don’t have the most time for their kids time, they can at least bankroll their interests. And, the mothers who are fighting a constant battle of their own to keep the never-ending supply of creepy crawlies from inhabiting their invitingly damp, tatami-matted living rooms.

I’m from Los Angeles, a natural desert, so I never really had to deal with bugs on a regular basis growing up. Although, I’ve been living in Washington, DC for a little while now, and this place is just muggy enough to make up for all those lost years. But, this really wasn’t an issue I knew or thought that much about. And, I am always interested in learning something new. But, this documentary didn’t quite live up to all the hype, (even though I created all that hype in my own mind). It’s a solid showing anyway . . . if you’re in the mood for something a little snoozy.

An Eye-Opener

Movie: Devil's Playground
My Rating: 5 stars

I thought I knew a thing or two about the Amish people and their lifestyle before I watched this documentary.  They’re the people you see in those delightfully old-fashioned clothes, driving along the highways in Pennsylvania in their horse and buggies, holding up all the traffic.  And, I guess I had that part a little bit right, but only superficially.  The Amish are members of one of those Christian sects that believe that you can’t baptize babies—that you have to choose to officially join the church when you reach adulthood.  Children that have been raised in Amish communities are allowed a couple years of living in the outside, “English” world when they hit sixteen years old (as opposed to their Amish, “German” one).  They can experiment with blue jeans, cigarettes, alcohol, sex, and cars before choosing whether to come back to join the church for good.  This period is called “Rumspringa,” and can last for as little as a few months, or for as long as several years.  The reasoning is that once these kids see the evil and hardship of life outside the community, they’ll come running back.  At least, that’s what I thought before watching this film.

It turns out I was wrong about a few things when it comes to the Amish.  I kinda saw them as these innocent children, cut off from the real world.  But, from listening to the interviews filmmaker Lucy Walker has with some of these Rumspringa kids, it’s pretty clear that they are pretty with it.  They know just what’s going on—which cars are the hottest, the latest fashions, how to mix a lethal party punch, all the important things.  The Amish know about all the conveniences of the modern world, but purposely forgo them because their religion teaches that a harder life is a more thoughtful life, and it brings them merit in the eyes of god.  But, until they’ve been baptized, they can do whatever they want.  The clock hasn’t started ticking yet.  And, these teenagers certainly take advantage of this little loophole.  They party like rock stars.  Apparently, you’ve never been to a party until you’ve been to an Amish teen’s party.  They throw these huge ragers out in someone’s back cornfield, full of booze and drugs, and that last for days.  Thousands of kids come from all different states (the Amish network really gets the word out), and you could drown a city in the amount of beer that’s consumed.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  These guys are way more hard-core than anyone I’ve ever met.  And, that’s not even getting into the drugs some of them are doing.

There are always a small handful of kids that choose to ultimately leave the church after getting a taste of freedom, but the overwhelming majority return, prepared to commit their lives to a very hard, farmer’s lifestyle.  Amusingly, the thing they lament losing the most is their cars.  The young men just don’t get the same testosterone rush from a horse and buggy.  There are several reasons why they’d choose this after tasting the pleasures that the “English” lifestyle has to offer.  And, counter to what I’d previously thought, the main reason isn’t because of a really bad “hangover” from all the overindulgence.  Of course, there’s a bit of that.  For one thing, most of these kids really believe what their religion teaches them about what’s good for their souls.  That’s the happy, loving element that brings them back.  The darker reason is the intense peer pressure they receive from everyone in the community.  People are free to leave the church any time they want, but that means being shunned by everyone they’ve ever known.  And, how would these kids know how to start a life on their own?  They don’t even have high school educations.  But, some do go, and they manage to make it work—often times with other outcasts.

This is a fantastically interesting documentary.  I’d been wanting to see it for a really long time, but it turned out to be even more fascinating than I’d hoped for.  That’s pretty rare for me.  I was expecting the film to be an amusing glimpse into the lives of people I would never be able to relate to—some totally alien creatures.  But, I realized pretty quickly that they’re just kids like I was.  The documentary follows a handful of youths, both girls and boys, from when they enter Rumspringa, up until they make a final decision about whether to be baptized or not.  (They’re actually not allowed to talk to the film crew either before or after Rumspringa.)  And, some of their lives take some unpredictable turns.  I found this documentary to be one of the most unexpectedly eye-opening films I’ve ever seen.  I learned something I didn’t know before, but more interestingly, it changed my perspective a little.  I highly recommend the film to everyone.

Just a Misunderstanding

Movie: Slither

My Rating: 3 stars

I avoided seeing this movie for a long time because I honestly thought it would be too scary for me.  This sounds a little funny, coming from a big fan of crazy horror movies, like me.  But, there are just some genres that I’m ok with, and others that will keep me up for weeks.  What’s funny is that these categories are the opposite of what most people expect.  I’m just fine with all the stories that could plausibly happen—your serial killers, and axe murderers terrorizing small town residents.  Or, the kidnap movies, where some sadistic killer abducts a pretty, young thing and tortures her in his dungeon.  (Although, I don’t go for torture-fests like Saw or Hostel).  I consider zombie movies to fall into this “plausible” category too.  At, least the kind where some sort of infection creates a pandemic of dead-eyed, flesh-hungry, automatons.  I have no problem watching those kinds of movies. 

The films that really scare me are the creepy, supernatural stories—likes ones where babydolls come to life and start rifling through your personal items.  Or, where all the mirrors in your home are haunted, and you see gruesome dead people every time you look into one.  I find that sort of movie super scary, and they even affect my behavior.  I didn’t want to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night for a really long time after watching Candyman.  And, big, old hotels with twisting corridors have scared me ever since The Shining.  And then, I have my brother to thank for terrifying me with The Ring.  Now I can’t watch unlabled videos!

I thought this film was going to be along those lines too, so I didn’t think I wanted to see it.  But, then I read a review of the movie on The AV Club, and learned that the movie is really just a dark comedy, so I didn’t have to worry.  I’m ok will all kinds of spoof movies—even if they come from the category of films that I find too terrifying to watch normally.  And, the article said that this film is actually very funny, so I decided to give it a shot.  The premise is still a little horrifying to me.  A pod of alien creatures lands on earth.  These are slug-like beings—maybe the size of a remote control—and they try to turn you into a zombie by jumping into your mouth and latching onto your brain stem (somehow).  I find that unbelievably gross, and it was definitely the promotional poster showing a lady in a bath-tub surrounded by dozens of these slug-beasts that kept me away from this movie.  Well, that part is still pretty awful.  But, the movie is really about all the implausibly ridiculous situations, the ironic humor, and all the witty dialogue.  Plus, with a charming leading man like Nathan Fillion how could you go wrong?

So, this movie ended up being a lot less scary than I was first anticipating.  But, it is still a pretty intense monster/horror film.  Woody Harrelson ends up being a pretty grotesque monster once he’s been fully transformed by the aliens that take over his body.  And, the survivors get into a pretty intense battle with the creatures.  It’s definitely pretty tense.  But, the unpleasantness is made tolerable by the very liberal amounts of comedic relief in the script.

History Your Parents Can Teach You

Movie: Pirate Radio

My Rating: 4 stars

And, here’s another film that I was eagerly anticipating, but turned out to be pretty boring after all.  Well, I guess “boring” is the wrong word here.  Perhaps I mean to say that I am baffled by the ecstatic reviews I read—the ones that induced me to seek out this movie in the first place.  The film is about the pioneering aspect of rock ‘n’ roll music in 1960s England.  There was a ban on broadcasting this “immoral” music on the radio, so in this true(-ish?) story, a group of revolutionary DJs had taken a ship out into international waters, and started broadcasting from there—out of the censorious reach of the British government.  All this sounds pretty exciting and subversive, except that I just couldn’t relate to the clearly powerful feelings that people have for the story.  All the excitement centers around music that I consider to be a little old-fashioned and tame.  Oh, it’s great music.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have a good time rocking out to it as much as any other fan of rock music.  It’s just that I can’t really relate to the passion these characters feel for this “exciting,” rebellious, new music.  Oh, I suppose this film is pretty interesting as a mini history lesson.  I honestly didn’t know anything about this controversy before I heard about the movie.  But, I think I’m missing out on some of the passion that some of the older reviewers feel for the subject.

Perhaps this movie would have been more interesting to people who lived through the 60s, and experienced this revolution first hand.  The nostalgia factor really goes a long way, and I bet it really was a pretty exciting time to be a young person.  I’m not quite sure whether the conservative establishment in America disapproved of this new rock music quite as much as they did in Britain.  Sure, there are always going to be old coots complaining about the racket from any new style of music, maybe while yelling at a few kids to get off their lawn.  But, surely there couldn’t have been a broadcast ban on the stuff like there was in England!  Oldsters, please correct me if I’m wrong about this.  But, it’s kinda hard for us younger folk to completely understand the big fuss after this music has already become mainstream.  Of course, we can fathom the principle intellectually, but we can’t quite feel it emotionally.  I’m not sure what phenomenon would fall into this same category for my 30-something generation.  I guess I don’t quite understand why the government gets so worked up about radio hosts uttering expletives on air.  It seems like every five-year-old is so liberally sprinkling their speech with F-bombs these days that the idea of “protecting public morals” is kind of an empty gesture at this point.  But, that doesn’t quite seem to fit.  I’ll have to think about this one.  Maybe my readers have some ideas?  So, I’m not telling you to avoid this movie.  I enjoyed it for what it is.  But, perhaps you should try to avoid reading too many reviews before you watch it yourself.

Indie Tedium

Movie: Henry Fool
My Rating: 3 stars

I had been meaning to watch this film for quite a while.  I think Netflix recommended it to me because I like quirky, independent films with dark humor.  Well, this film is all three of those things, for sure.  But, I just didn’t find it to be all that interesting.  You wouldn’t expect a film full of sociopaths, whores, and philosopher-fools to be a snoozefest, but this one kind of is.  I think it’s probably has something to do with the style.  The story is presented in that ironic, super-casual manner that these little indie film directors just love to use.  So, while the characters and some of the situations seem like they’d be totally outrageous, they actually come off as pretty banal and tired.

So, this story is about a man named Henry Fool, and the havoc he wreaks on an ordinary, working class family.  This guy seems pretty charming and helpful at first, but we come to suspect pretty quickly that he’s mentally unstable, and quite possibly, a professional grifter.  But every member of the Grim family is buying the fantasies he’s selling.  This trickster convinces the family to let him live with them (rent free, of course), and promptly begins to lure Simon over to his esoteric philosophy, Faye into bed, and Mom into giving him free booze.  Oh, Mr. Fool comes off as very smooth.  He’s flattering, he sounds well-educated, and he has a way of really charming the ladies.  People who spout philosophy, and quote from obscure literary sources always sound pretty intelligent and authoritative.  And it’s not like the Grims are the brightest kids in town.  But, their lives could all use a little improvement.  Even though each one of them is upset at having been used by Henry, it isn’t exactly clear that any of the changes are particularly bad.  Simon gets a career.  Faye stops being such a tramp.  Mom even gets a little romantic action.  Things could be worse.

Maybe I’ve been watching a few too many indie films lately, but I just wasn’t that impressed by this one.  It’s pretty clever, sure, but in a kind of smug, insufferable way.  Oh, I’m definitely going to watch the sequel, Faye Grim.  I feel like I’ve committed myself to this enterprise, and I like to see things through.  Plus, maybe things will pick up a little bit in that one.  But, I don’t think I’m going to be in any kind of rush to do it.

Summer Fun

Movie: The Green Hornet

My Rating: 4 stars

Now, this is one, fun, summer movie.  I wasn’t expecting much when I heard that there was yet another super-hero movie in the works.  It seems like studios are churning those out as fast as they can these days.  But, this one is decidedly different in tone from some of the others.  It’s fun and silly, and doesn’t take itself too awfully seriously.  Plus, Seth Rogen and Jay Chou can both be pretty charming, in their own goofy ways.  But, of course, they are supposed to look good in this movie.  They’re stylish, cultured, and they’ve got a lot of money to play with.  And, they’re the good guys!  Seth Rogen even slimmed down for the role (so that he wouldn’t look ridiculous in those slim-cut suits that are all the rage these days).  He’s not the tubby, jobless schlub from Knocked Up anymore.  But, a sense of humor and a little confidence do go a long way.

So, this is one of those super hero movies where our protagonists don’t have any special powers, themselves.  Rogen just has buckets of money, and a lot of super cool gadgets to help him fight crime.  Think Batman rather than Superman.  Although, Seth Rogen’s character, Britt Reid, is a little less sophisticated than Bruce Wayne.  He’s one of those vulgar, wealthy playboys who is more interested in bringing home trollops, than learning any useful life skills.  That is, until tragedy strikes!  When Daddy Dearest turns up dead, and appears to have been murdered by dark criminal types, Reid gets a new purpose in life.  He’s going to wipe out crime!  Of course, he’s still the bumbling fool he always was.  You don’t develop real world skills that quickly.  But, at least he’s now dedicating his life to something productive (if a bit insane).  Plus, he’s got a foxy, intelligent executive assistant (Cameron Diaz), and his eminently competent, technically gifted, and very stylish butler, Kato, to help him.  But, these sidekicks never get any of the credit, even though they’re the ones keeping the whole operation afloat, and Kato isn’t happy about it.  Passive/aggressive hilarity ensues.  And, then there’s the fact that these guys aren’t actually very good at this new crime-fighting gig.  There’s an awful lot of collateral damage at first.  But, that just adds to all the wacky hijinks.

I enjoyed this movie a lot.  The mood jokes are smart, the tone is light, and the pace is thrilling.  And, I think it’s one of those ones that’s good fun for everyone—mom, dad, little Timmy.  All the action is pretty tame, and the jokes are relatively inoffensive.  There are a few strumpets peddling their wares, but your grandma will approve of how universally the film disapproves of their harlot’s lifestyle.  But seriously, this movie is super fun.  It’d definitely one you won’t want to miss.

Compromised Judgment

Movie: Double Team

My Rating: 3 stars

Wow.  I must have been in a really strange mood the week I watched this film.  I don’t know what could have possibly inspired me to watch an action film from the 90s starring both Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman.  Actually, I do know.  It was the Onion’s AV Club.  They’ve steered me in some pretty bizarre directions before, but this is definitely one of the zaniest.  They like doing little nostalgia pieces about some of the strange places pop culture has taken film in the past.  And, since I was still a kid in the 90s, there are a lot of films I just missed.  Either I wasn’t old enough to see them, or my interest just lay elsewhere.  Now, I was aware of both of these find “actors” at the time.  All the little boys in my class spent most of recess trying to do flying kicks at each others’ chests, or attempting the splits, Van Damme style.  And Dennis Rodman was definitely a very mainstream character—especially once all his endorsement deals started coming through.  He was just scandalous, yet childlike enough to seem very cool to us 5th graders.  But this film, with all of its explosions and violence and sexual innuendo, was still just a little bit out of our reach at that age.  So, I’m really only going back and watching some of these old gems now.

This movie is just as cheesy and testosterone-fueled as you’d expect.  There are plenty of big guns, and lasers, and roundhouse kicks to the face.  Lots of tattoos, vinyl clothing, and body-piercing as well.  Jean-Claude Van Damme is a good cop, but he accidentally kills the family of his arch rival (played by pre-plastic-surgery-disaster Mickey Rourke), in a government raid gone wrong.  In retaliation, Rourke has kidnapped Van Damme’s pregnant wife, and our hero has a limited amount of time to get her back.  To make matters worse, he has been put on a pretty cushy looking island/house arrest for his little professional mistake, so he can’t go looking for her very easily.  Fortunately, Van Damme has weapons- (and fashion-) expert Dennis Rodman to help him out.  Pretty exciting!  What I can’t work out, though, is whether this stuff was considered cheesy when it came out, or whether people in the 90s actually thought it was pretty cool.  It’s kinda hard to tell so many years later.  That’s one of the biggest problems with going back and watching these missed “classics.”  Hey, it’s not always a good idea to go back and re-watch old movies you did see, and enjoyed.  They’re just never as awesome as you remember them.  But, this movie still turned out to be pretty good—just not for the reasons it was trying for.  It’s one of the most hilariously, unintentionally funny movies I’ve seen in a long time.  I just always feel a little bad laughing when the actors have been trying so hard to be cool.

One-star Bonanza

Movie: Gerry

My Rating: 1 star

Darn that Gus Van Sant!  Some of his films are really, really good--like Elephant and Paranoid Park.  And, some are real stinkers—like one here.  This film is so completely insane, that I don’t even know where to start.  It stars Matt Damon and Casey Affleck.  Good old Gus always has had a thing for impressionable, fresh-faced young boys.  And, it seems like the whole point of this movie is to watch a pair of them wandering around the desert, getting all sweaty, and taking off their shirts.  But, it’s not in an obviously gratuitous way.  The characters in this story are clearly mentally disturbed in some way, so it’s hard to feel too attracted to them.   We don’t know their real names (they call each other Gerry), or even what they’re doing out in the desert, but it’s pretty clear that they’re a little deranged.  I got the distinct feeling that there was some sort of self-destructive force driving each of them—that they were out there to die together.  It’s a very unsettling feeling.  And, I really hope that’s what Van Sant was going for, because there’s not much else going on here.  No story, no drama, practically no dialogue.

But, I’m pretty sure that Gus Van Sant, in fact, was trying to create an abstract film.  He has a real proclivity for these mood pieces—and also for very morbid, homoerotic themes.  There’s nothing as overtly gay in this film as we find in some of his others (think My Own Private Idaho), but viewers will notice a pretty strong and uncommon intimacy between these two boys in this story.  I think Van Sant really feels for this sort of tortured, young gay teen, and the sort of inner turmoil and despair some of them feel—the feeling that the only way to get rid of the pain inside is to die.  And, that’s probably what’s going on here.  You can feel these boys’ pain, even if the overall film does come off as totally demented.  But, I’m really just guessing.  Although, I feel like this is an educated guess.  I’ve watched enough of this director’s films to be able to spot a trend.  I probably shouldn’t have rented this movie.  It really was just a little too weird for my taste.  But, I do really like Gus Van Sant’s other films, and I was interested in taking a look at some of his earlier work.  I just guess he just hadn’t really hit his stride yet with this one.

Great Falls

Movie: The Sun

My Rating: 2 stars

This is a very strange film.  It tracks the surreal existence of Japan’s Emperor Hirohito during WWII, and his last days as a living god.  After Japan’s defeat in the war, General MacArthur demanded that the emperor publicly “step down” from the position of Sun Deity as a part of his surrender deal.  Since all of Hirohito’s subjects had always known and loved him as a divinity, this symbolic gesture is very upsetting to all of them—not just to the emperor, himself.  All his subjects and personal staff members simply do not know how to react to such a blow, or how to face this man who has been so publicly shamed.  So, they stumble through their daily routines as normally as they can in such circumstances.  But, everyone in the movie seems to be at a total loss.

I don’t really know much about the Japanese imperial family, but this film portrays Hirohito as a very bizarre man, with all kinds of little nervous tics.  I suppose anyone would be a little strange if they were cut off from reality as much as he has been.  He has his daily rituals of changing into and out of different suits of clothing, performing various “scientific” experiments, and composing poetry.  And, of course, each of these efforts is met with great applause by every member of his retinue.  Each poem is “very philosophical and beautiful,” and each scientific “discovery” he makes is a “great breakthrough.  Every word that falls from his lips is carefully recorded for posterity.  It’s pretty comical the way the emperor’s staff fawned over what were most likely very mediocre displays.  But, such is the life of royalty (I’m assuming).  Although, the audience will get the sneaking suspicion that Hirohito is merely keeping up appearances to calm the minds of his subjects—trying to show them that he is taking his change of fortune in stride, so that they won’t worry so much.  He seems to be engaging in these petty tasks as usual to ensure that at least part of everyone’s old, familiar lives stays in tact. 

But, all of this makes for a very slow film.  There’s lots of preening, and preparing, and pacing about—so much idleness.  But, I suppose, Hirohito really was just awaiting his fate—waiting to hear what General MacArthur had in store for him and his family.  It’s very pensive in tone.  I wasn’t really expecting a terribly exciting film, but I think I was anticipating a little more drama than we got here.  I had been sitting on this film for a long time, because it never seemed to be the right time to sit through such a dry, serious movie, and even though I was preparing myself for something a little weightier here, I still don’t think I picked the right moment for it.  Oh well, can’t win ‘em all.

History Lesson

Movie: The King's Speech

My Rating: 3 stars

I think I would have enjoyed this film a lot more if the whole world weren’t going bananas over it.  That always happens with these big, Oscar-nominated films.  It’s not that I automatically snub things that have become very popular with the unwashed masses.  It’s just that when it comes to movies, I prefer to be pleasantly surprised with how good one is, rather than going in with too many expectations.  In cases like this, I find that I am so distracted by all the reviews and publicity I’ve read that I can’t really focus on the film.  It’s hard for me to spot things that make a movie so special when I’ve already been told what to look out for.  I guess I run into this problem a lot since I don’t make it to the movie theater as often as I’d like.  When you usually wait for big blockbusters to come out on DVD, you have to get used to having certain parts spoiled for you ahead of time.  Oh well.

As you are probably familiar with, this film recounts the story of how King George VI (or Berty to this family) overcame his chronic stutter--or at least mastered it enough to allow him to give a public speech now and then.  There was probably still a whole lot more work for him to do after the action in this film is over.  But, that’s still an accomplishment, and this is a pretty unique story nonetheless.  A man who was never expecting to rule is suddenly thrust into a role of public responsibility.  And, on top of all that stress, this new king suffers from a debilitating speech impediment that he must conquer if he is going to fulfill the role expected of him.  This is the stuff cheesy feel-good movies are made of.  So, you can understand why the Academy went nuts over it.  But, despite my disappointment with all the hype, I can report that this film is very good.  Not that that’s any big surprise.  Colin Firth is always charming, and Helena Bonham Carter always brings a certain quirky appeal, despite how bizarre she is in her private life.  And, this film had an astronomical budget, so all the sets and costumes, and cinematography were great.  Plus, with these historical films, I find that they’re always much more interesting when they are about something that you know about a little.  In this case, we get to see Queen Elizabeth when she was a wee, little lass.  She is the daughter of the king who is at the center of this story--the one undergoing all the arduous speech therapy.  Including those family scenes in the film kinda put all the action into context for me.  Otherwise, these characters would have just been another bunch of anonymous, old-fashioned aristocratic types to me.

I feel a bit silly confirming what everyone already knows about this movie--that it’s an enjoyable and quality piece of work.  But, sometimes the Academy gets it wrong.  Actually, that happens much more frequently that I’d care to acknowledge.  But, this one was good, even though the director played a little fast and loose with some of the historical facts, and the different characters’ motivations for doing things.  (I liked the bit where the film implies that the Windsor family were the ones to pressure his older brother, King Edward, to abdicate, placing Berty on the throne.)  The sad thing is, we learn so little world politics these days that most people wouldn’t be able to spot all the revisionist history in this film.  That’s probably what those crafty Windsors were counting on.  Oh well.  This isn’t the biggest scandal in the world.  I mean, even Shakespeare did it to curry a little favor with the ruling monarchs of his age.  Everyone wants to be seen in a flattering light, and the wealthy and powerful are probably the most aggressive revisionists.  So, I give this film my seal of approval.  It’s very interesting and it has the added benefit of making you feel a little cultured afterward, too.

Surprisingly Competent

Movie: Devil
My Rating: 3 stars

Like the rest of the world, I was about ready to write off M. Night Shyamalan completely.  Up until this point, he’s proven himself to be a one-trick pony, and one whose career is well on its way to the glue factory.  But, then this intriguing, little trailer came along, and made me question my conclusions.  This film is your classic whodunit story line, and it’s got all the standard elements.  There’s the diverse cast of characters.  They all seem totally different at first, but as the story wears on, we learn that they may have more than a few things in common.  Then, there’s the very limited setting.  Usually, characters are sequestered in a jury room, or stranded in a remote villa.  This element forces the story to focus on the personalities of the different characters, and the interpersonal relationships amongst them.  It also discourages intervention into the story from too many wild, external (sometimes supernatural) elements (Mr. Shyamalan, I’m looking at you).  In this film, our characters are trapped in a broken down elevator--one whose communications system is fried, and whose power seems to be flickering on and off unreliably.  Talk about claustrophobic!  And, each person is stuck with a bunch of other grumpy, sweaty strangers, one of whom just so happens to be El Diablo.  Even worse! 

Every time the lights flicker out, the devil makes his presence known, and as this demon picks off our prisoners one by one, the accusations start flying.  People already have plenty of reasons not to trust strangers, so when one of them appears to be murdering his or her “cellmates” people start going berserk and showing their true colors.  Not the best thing to do in such a cramped space--especially one that is precariously suspended over a huge gaping abyss.  This is a pretty familiar and simple formula, but it makes for a suspenseful movie.  Even M. Night Shyamalan manages to make it work, and he is infamous for cheesing up stories with his supernatural shenanigans and trite moralizing.  Oh, there’s definitely some moralizing in this story, but it’s kept to a minimum.  All in all, I think our dear director shows some uncharacteristic restraint here.

Maybe that’s why this movie turned out ok.  Shyamalan didn’t add his full arsenal of tomfoolery, so while the movie isn’t over the top, it isn’t particularly original either.  It’s a well-conceived formula with all the normal “twists” you’d expect.  People turn out not to be who they say they are, and their motives turn out to be less pure than they represent.  And, red herrings abound.  Tensions run high, and trust is low.  But, you’ve seen this story before in any number of its countless iterations.  The only real mystery here is who is the culprit.  That means that it’s a movie you can only really watch once.  Once the secret is revealed, any subsequent viewing is bound to be horribly boring.  It’s not one of those imaginative films that is actually more interesting upon a second viewing, when you can spot clever, little clues that you probably missed the first time around--like Triangle, or even Shyamalan’s first film, The Sixth Sense.

Regardless, I still liked the movie for what it was.  It’s a light thriller--a little piece of suspenseful, yet undemanding cinematic fluff.  Sometimes you don’t have the time or energy to think to hard about a movie.  And, in many ways, this is a good thriller for mixed audiences too.  None of the horror is too gruesome or perverse.  (Not like some of the twisted, psychological horror films I watch).  But, there are plenty of good scares that’ll get your heart racing a little bit.  I guess that’s what you get when you try to market a film as a blockbuster to the general public.  But, there’s a time and place for all films.  I think this one would be a good candidate for a Halloween party.

A Disappointment

Movie: The Way Back

My Rating: 3 stars

This film was my biggest disappointment this year.  The premise sounded so promising.  A band of hardened criminals breaks out of a Siberian prison camp in the dead of winter, and they must make their way all the way to China in order to avoid getting rounded right back up by the Russian police and thrown back into prison for a longer sentence (and probably heightened security).  And these weary travelers are trying to get there on foot!  This is an unbelievably arduous journey, placing them at the mercy of all kinds of dangers--sun, snow, the desert, man-eating bugs, the lack of food (not to mention those pleasant Russian officials).  So, these guys really need to work together if they’re going to survive.  But, these are shifty criminal types, remember?  They aren’t exactly the most trustworthy group.  And, they don’t really know each other that well.  They’ve only been brought together by their common goal of breaking out of prison.  So, there is plenty potential for great drama.  Better yet, this extraordinary tale is based on a true story (although the veracity of some of the details have recently been called into question.  Bummer.)  But still, this has all the makings of a really great movie.

The film actually does start off pretty strongly.  There’s great character development.  We really get to know who everyone is, and why we should like or fear them.  And, the beginning of their journey is legitimately suspenseful and exciting.  We get to see our rag-tag pack of convicts survive one ordeal only to find themselves immediately faced with another.  You know how when you’re freezing in the snow, all you can do is fantasize about baking in the desert?  Well, our group soon learns the folly of such wishful thinking when they hit the Gobi desert and learn that this landscape can be far more brutal.  It makes for a worse death than hypothermia, that’s for sure.  This film is one of those survival stories that makes you want to start stockpiling food, ammo, and fresh drinking water.  It’s powerful stuff, and that’s why it’s so unfortunate that the movie just stalls out about three quarters of the way through.

A terrible ending can ruin a movie that had been nothing but wonderful up until that point.  And, this film’s ending is a complete dud.  There is no natural climax, and the story just peters out into one of those cheesy photo montages of supposedly poignant and meaningful images.  I was a little insulted.  This film had a killer cast--Ed Harris, Saoirse Ronan, Colin Farrell.  And, the budget seemed pretty decent too.  So, I don’t know why they couldn’t have worked out a satisfactory resolution (especially since it’s been established that much of the story is fiction anyway).  Even if it’s more expensive to do this, it’s totally worth it, because without a proper ending, the whole movie would be a flop, and the whole budget would have been a waste.  I was pretty disappointed with this film.  It could have been so much, but it ultimately failed to live up to its potential.  And, wasting something valuable is worse than just making a piece of crap in the first place.