Real Science

Movie: Temple Grandin
My Rating: 5 stars

What an amazing movie!  It’s really a shame that this was an HBO project for TV, because Clare Danes really deserves an Oscar for her performance.  The film tells the story of Temple Grandin, the autistic scientist, who really revolutionized the slaughterhouse industry, and who is still working and teaching today.  She designed the first “humane” facilities for killing cows for food, removing all the elements that cows would find startling or scary, and allowing them to march calmly and willingly to their deaths, blissfully unaware of what lies beyond the next bend.  This may sound pretty macabre, and it may seem like pretty ironic work for a lifelong vegetarian (or jellotarian).  But, I guess, now that I think about it, gelatin really isn’t vegetarian.  It’s a cow product right along with Grandin’s precious yogurt and pudding.  But as Temple (an avid animal lover) put it herself, people are always going to eat meat, and if she were a cow, she’d much rather go calmly and painlessly in a compassionate abattoir, than have her guts ripped out by a lion in nature.  And, this statement really captures the essence of this woman’s work.  She is a very logical, unemotional thinker, and her autism really allowed her to empathize with cows on a level that others could only imagine.  Although, this film goes a long way in trying to convey some notion of the experience.

Clare Danes does an amazing job becoming Temple Grandin in this film.  In fact, the “making of” featurette on the DVD includes some brief remarks from Grandin, herself, and she is quite pleased with the portrayal.  She’s actually quite tickled that someone made this movie about her in the first place, but she’s particularly interested in the idea that Clare Danes really became her.  I thought Danes had done an excellent job already, but when I got to compare her to the brief clips of the actual person, I was blown away.  The voice, the mannerisms, the body-language—they were all perfect.

Family Photo

The movie is so fun and interesting and challenging that it really doesn’t feel like a TV movie.  Somehow that term has earned itself a very bad reputation these days (I blame the Lifetime network).  But, I think these HBO projects may be turning the tide for the medium.  I guess it all boils down to what kind of studio feels like it can make money from a project like this.  It’d have to be enough that they’d be willing to spend enough money to do it well.  I guess the movie studios thought the theater audience for this sort of film wouldn’t be big enough to be worth the expense.  So, TV it is!  But, really, what’s the difference when most of us end up watching these films on DVD or streaming anyway?  This may seem like a pretty weird topic for a movie, but I strongly encourage you not to miss this one.  It’s very interesting, very well done, and more importantly, it’s unique and original.

Science With Grandpa

Movie: Cave of Forgotten Dreams
My Rating: 2 stars

I went to see this movie over the weekend, and it was really one of the most amazing, and bizarre things I’ve ever seen.  Werner Herzog takes a tiny camera crew into the famous Chauvet caves in France, giving us a glimpse of the amazingly preserved cave paintings I’ve only seen in text books up ‘til now.  Audiences get to view, en masse, a very famous location that they will almost certainly never be able to see in person because of the tight restrictions put in place by the French government to protect its pristine condition.  And, better yet, if you see it in the theater like I did, you can see it in 3-D.  This sounds like a really cheesy gimmick, but I assure you that the effect really enhances the experience, allowing us to really appreciate how the painters incorporated the natural curves of the wall into their drawings.

All this is pretty cool.  But, then we have to endure Werner Herzog’s own, particularly zany presentation of the material.  He’s got a pretty big reputation as a director, but I get the feeling he’s getting a bit more eccentric as he ages.  First of all, the film is about fifty percent too long.  Everyone in the audience was squirming in their seats at about the sixty-minute mark.  I understand that one’s film needs to be a certain length in order for it to be taken seriously as a feature film, and Herzog achieves this length in one of the most amusing and tedious ways possible.  There’s only so much footage you can show of the actual cave and the art inside before the footage starts to become a bit redundant.  So Herzog calls in a fleet of various “experts” to weigh in, and comment on various aspects of the cave.  He’s tracked down an assortment of the most delightfully odd, local crackpots.  There’s an “experimental” archeologist, who gets into the sciency mood by dressing up in anachronistic and geographically inaccurate fur pelts.  There’s the master perfumer/spelologer, who looks for new caves by sniffing cracks in the ground for that “cavey” smell.  The vintner/anthropologist who enjoys speculating on Paleolithic behavior and mythology, and favors historical reenactments.  And, all these experts are pretty visibly pleased with themselves, grinning into the camera after giving us little demonstrations of their “science.”  It’s all pretty endearing.  And, these characters are all so very French.

The images of the cave are all pretty amazing.  We really get to appreciate how perfectly the artwork has been preserved with the cave being sealed off for so many thousands of years.  We can almost ignore all the strange “authorities” Herzog has marching through the film at such regular intervals.  But, the tone of the movie was finally set in my mind by Herzog’s wonderfully insane postscript.  It’s a meditation on humanity and culture, nuclear power and albino alligators.  The moral conclusions he draws are pretty questionable, and the science is pure quackery.  All you can really do is sit there with that wide-eyed stare, wondering if this guy is really serious, or if he’s playing some big joke.  Either would kind of be wonderful, but of course, for very different reasons.

The Master Strikes Again

Movie: 13 Assassins
My Rating: 5 stars

I’m a huge fan of Takashi Miike, so I was very excited to be able to attend a sneak peek of his latest film, courtesy of the DC APA Film Festival.  Miike’s one of those directors who seems to be trying to make at least one film in every style, and this latest is his foray into the classic “samurai avenging injustices” genre.  Only, we all know by now that Miike’s style is anything but “classic.”  He always manages to find a way to infuse his own unique, warped imprint into everything he touches.  Especially since he insists on making the most bizarre cameos possible in all the films he directs.  They are always really fun to watch for.

So, this film is great.  It starts off just as slowly as any of these old period pieces set in feudal era Japan, but it quickly descends into pure mayhem and madness.  Shinzaemon is a retired samurai, but he is prompted back into action when he learns that the Shogun’s “adopted” (code for bastard) son, Lord Naritsugu, has been terrorizing peasants.  He’s been killing and mutilating men, women and children all throughout the land, and all with the most cold-hearted, disinterested cruelty.  So Shinzaemon decides to assemble a band of other idle samurai to hunt this despot down and assassinate him.  Those would be the thirteen assassins that give this film its title.  And they really are a very mismatched band of warriors.  And these men are caricatures—each outrageous in his own way.

The one thing I really love about Takashi Miike’s style is that he’s never afraid to just go for it.  He’s got no shame, and absolutely no restraint.  I think this is because he has a deep-rooted sense of humor (albeit a very dark one).  It’s an ability to identify and appreciate the absurdity in life.  Miike’s films have a reputation for being pretty violent and bloody (and this one is certainly no exception).  But they are also incredibly funny.  The gore is certainly meant to shock, but I don’t think it’s just for the sake of a cheap thrill.  I think it’s meant to throw us of balance.  His work is horrifying where we expect delicacy, and actually quite subtle where viewers typically expect to find vulgarity.  Of course, we can always count on Miike for some truly silly stunts too.  The result is audiences that are quite delighted and amused, even after witnessing all the horror and disfigurement and devastation.  Those moments are upsetting and heartbreaking, for sure.  But, Miike really understands how a film should flow, and balances these difficult scenes with the right dose of irreverence.  He’s a true master, and this film is a roaring success. 

The Things I Do For Friends!

Movie: Burlesque
My Rating: 2 stars

Lordy, this movie is special!  The same way the “special at the school cafeteria is always last week’s leftovers, chopped up and baked into a casserole.  But, at least everyone involved in this film seems to understand that it’s just one, big, port-wine cheese ball with extra nuts.  I take some comfort in this fact, because if not, this’d be the saddest production I’ve ever seen.  Everyone’s just trying so hard to be “sexy.”  But the movie actually works perfectly as a parody, even though I have a sneaking suspicion that Both Christina Aguilera and Cher are secretly quite pleased with how they looked on screen.

I actually watched this movie at the request of one of my regular readers.  She suspected (and was correct), that I’d have some pretty strong opinions about this little number.  It certainly wasn’t because she’s a huge, secret Cher fan.  So, like I said, I’m pretty sure that all the actors in this film were in on the joke.  There’s an awful lot of mugging for the camera, and general hamming it up.  But, don’t let that fool you into thinking that this will stop Christina or Cher from trying to nonchalantly out-diva each other throughout the whole film.  Those gals are always finding some pretty flimsy excuses to give the audience some full-on, eyes closed, hand in the air, belt-it-out musical numbers.  Of course, they always try to shrug these off later on.  It’s the musical equivalent of, “Oh, this old thing?”  I guess it’s pretty hard to turn off the inner drama queen.  But then, these are two of the most notoriously vain women in show business we’re dealing with.

Then again, this movie really was designed just to be a vanity piece for these two.  The story line is so clichéd and simple that we can safely ignore it, and focus on our leading ladies’ glorious voices.  Small-town girl moves to Los Angeles to become a star, and with a little dedication, and elbow grease, she rockets to celebrity, saving all the poor, downtrodden souls she meets on the way.  And she finds true love too!  You’ve seen it a thousand times before.  But, have you seen Christina Aguilera and Cher’s version?  Have you seen it with sparkly lingerie and tons of bleached out hair?  This is a film for die-hard fans only.  But that’s who it’s really designed for anyway.  It’s just one, big, tongue-in-cheek wink right at both of these ladies’ dedicated admirers.  You know who you are.

Some Fun, Indie Horror - Plug

I Can Explain . . . Maybe

Movie: The Human Centipede: First Sequence
My Rating: ??? (No what I could possibly say here)

Oh jeez, how am I going to explain this one?  Morbid curiosity?  Somehow I don’t think that’s going to do the trick this time.  Cultural literacy?  That’s always a useful excuse.  It seems like everyone’s been taking about this movie ever since the first plot tidbits started to leak.  But I just don’t think this defense is going to convince any respectable person that I’m not a total deviant.  I’ll stick with the morbid curiosity explanation.  So, on to the part you all want to hear about.  I’m pretty sure that everyone except my grandma knows the basic story line here.  But, I’m going to say it anyway, just so that you know I stand by my choices.  We’ve got our classic, Nazi, mad-scientist abducting tourists, and sewing them together, butt-to-mouth plot.  Good, old-fashioned fare.  Actually, I think this is probably as close to the definition of a “horror” film as you can get.

Now, I hate to disappoint you guys, but despite the film’s lurid reputation on the internet, it’s not actually all that gross.  Director, Tom Six, shows the audience practically nothing of this abomination he’s dreamt up, obscuring all the dirty details with lots of cleverly arranged bandages.  And the story takes a long time even reaching that point, focusing instead on buildup.  Despite his reputation as a relatively inexperienced director, out to win a little notoriety with a few cheap thrills, Six actually makes a few smart editing decisions.  When trying to convey an idea that’s supposed to be so symbolically shocking or awe-inspiring, it’s generally best to leave the details off screen, and up to the viewers’ imaginations.  Our twisted subconscious minds can always do way better (or worse) than Mr. Six ever could.  And, this isn’t the kind of horror film that’s trying to gross us out with lots of gore.  Despite all the silliness and campiness (either intentional or not), this concept really is pure psychological horror.  There’s a reason why news of this otherwise low-quality film embedded itself in our collective consciousness so quickly.  I think there’s even a musical now.  It’s because the idea is freaking revolting.

But, that’s about as much seriousness as this movie deserves.  At its heart, this is one of the most thoroughly ridiculous films ever made.  Tom Six tries to play it straight in all his promotional material, but there’s always a little smirk underlining everything he says.  All the material is just so over the top that it reaches the point of parody.  So, I really think the movie isn’t too gross for the casual horror fan.  I was a little scared to watch it at first, but it was totally ok.  Now, I can’t in good conscience tell anyone to go see this movie.  I’d feel too unclean.  But, I can help make up the minds of those of you that have been on the fence.

Tortured Love

Movie: Bright Star
My Rating: 3 stars

This is a very grand period piece about beautiful, British people gazing into each other’s eyes and reciting poetry about love and literature and death.  They parade around gardens in bonnets and waistcoats, worrying over dance parties, marriage proposals, and their own doomed love affairs.  The film is a mildly biographical account of the love affair between penniless poet, John Keats, and frivolous society girl, Fanny Brawne.  I think the film tends a bit toward flattery, but that always seems to happen when we look back on these wildly romantic, historical figures.  We can’t help imagining them as gorgeous, stylish people—the sort of person that we might want to have our own little fling with.  Ben Wishaw and Abbie Cornish play the young lovers, and they certainly make a pretty pair.  It’s enough to make you wish things could have worked out between Keats and Brawne, despite their being totally unsuited for one another.  Oh well.  I guess things worked out for the best, with that pesky tuberculosis doing the dirty work for us.  It saves us the trouble of having to turn the hose on these hot and heavy youths.

The movie is moderately tolerable.  It’s full of distressed lovers going on and on about the stars and the moon and each other’s eyes.  Plenty of love letters and locks of hair.  It’d be perfect for that big third date.  Ben Wishaw’s big doe-eyes and his besotted poet act is enough to make any lady pliable to your will.  That’s all fine and good, but there was something else that occupied my attention the whole time.  And that was, what the heck is Paul Schneider doing, poncing around in this film with his plaid pantaloons, and a British accent?  I understand that he’s a serious actor, who’s had many legitimate roles in film and television, but for the life of me, I’m never going to able to think of his as anyone but Mark Brendanawicz from Parks and Recreation.  In my heart, he’s forever going to be that delightfully bewildered schlub from Pawnee, Indiana.  It kinda ruins some of the Romantic era illusion for me.  I supposed that’s all you’re going to be able to think about now, too, if you ever sit down and watch this one for yourselves.  Sorry guys.  But, I suppose you probably won’t ever have a reason to ever sit through this stuffy breast-beater anyway.  Unless, of course, you’re finally trying to seal the deal with that special lady.  This is really a two-star movie in my book, but I give it the extra star for the high production value, and classy period dress.

Personal Growth

Movie: Smoke Signals
My Rating: 4 stars

This is a sweet, little, feel-good film about some pretty heavy, dark topics—death, alcoholism, abandonment, betrayal.  All the big ones.  But director, Chris Eyre manages to put a pretty optimistic face on Sherman Alexie’s short stories.  The film is about the sometimes bleak, unpromising life on a Coeur d’Alene reservation, and the bitterness so many American Indians feel toward the US government.  But, this isn’t just a story about the resentful residents.  It’s about the warm, optimistic people too, and the rich culture they try to preserve.  Although, this isn’t one of those tired movies about clichéd Native American themes, that treats these people as alien and exotic.  The story treats these characters as real people that react to life’s misfortunes in very recognizable, familiar ways.  These are individuals, not just “Indians.”

The plot is pretty classic.  It’s a quest for information that will tie up loose ends, and bring inner peace.  Victor, a cool, high-school athlete, has just received word that his long-absent father has just died in Arizona, and that he should travel there to pick up his belongings and his remains.  Naturally, this stirs up many strong emotions for Victor—hate, regret, the desire for indifference, schadenfreude.  He hardly knew his father, but this is still a very difficult task, and it’s not a journey he’d like to make alone.  So, despite his initial displeasure, Victor agrees to travel with Thomas, his painfully dorky classmate—especially since Thomas is paying gas money.  Thomas was raised by his grandmother, and he might as well be an old woman himself, with the old-fashioned way he dresses, and with the corny, spiritual junk he’s always spouting.  He and his gran are even practically identical looking.  These two boys are hardly the best of friends, but that can sometimes make for a surprisingly compatible travel companions.

This is a pretty earnest, sweet film.  Characters learn and they grow.  They have minor setbacks, but they eventually overcome them.  They live, love, and forgive.  And they still have the terrible judgment that most teenage boys have.

Trusting Souls

Movie: Daytime Drinking
My Rating: 3 stars

This movie is really hard to watch.  It’s one of those stories where things start going wrong right from the beginning, and only proceed to get worse and worse from there.  The movie is actually really good.  The writing is very witty, and director, Young-Seok Noh has an excellent sense of comedic timing.  It’s just all so painful to watch our hapless hero, Hyuk-jin, stumble from one disaster, right into another.  The basic plot starts with Hyuk-jin right after his girlfriend has dumped him.  He’s in a deep funk and his friends think he’s in need of a little cheering up, so they take him out to the bar, where they all proceed to get rollicking drunk.  In a flurry of intoxicated exuberance, the friends make plans to continue this little pep rally the next day at a little countryside resort that one of their cousins runs a few hours drive away.  Unfortunately Hyuk-jin doesn’t recognize these plans for the drunken puffery they are, and sets off for the bus station the following morning, completely believing that his friends will be waiting for him at the resort.  Of course, it’s no surprise when none of them are there to meet him when the bus finally gets there.  Hyuk-jin is hung-over, awake far too early in the morning, and stranded at a virtually deserted, outdoor bus stop in the middle of rural Korea, in the dead of winter.  And, Korea has some of the coldest winters on earth.  On top of this, his cell phone reception is pretty spotty.  Not a good way to start one’s weekend.

All this sounds pretty awful already, but trust me that the story only gets more and more traumatic.  Hyuk-jin’s biggest problem is that he just keeps trusting people that he really shouldn’t—his flaky friends, strangers he meets on the bus, pretty ladies soliciting him for booze money.  And they all keep pushing liquor on him.  He’s already feeling pretty hung-over and queasy, so more alcohol is that last thing Hyuk-jin’s in the mood for.  Unfortunately, it seems to be the only form of sustenance on offer, no matter where he goes.  You read the pain right on his face.  Sooner or later, you’d think this guy would learn his lesson, but Hyuk-jin is a romantic at heart, and just can’t help looking for the good in people.  So, I liked this movie.  It’s pretty rough going, yes, but sometimes a little dark humor is exactly what I’m in the mood for.

Classing it Up

Movie: Coco Before Chanel
My Rating: 3 stars

There was no better choice to play this iconic, fashion figure than Audrey Tautou.  She’s just so . . . French—100%, through and through.  In fact, she does such a good job transforming herself into this grande dame that I’m never going to be able to watch another actress play Coco Chanel again without comparing her (probably unfavorably) to Audrey.  All this, of course, bodes ill for my future enjoyment of Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky.  (I’m still watching it, though, because it actually picks up more or less where this film leaves off).  The film explores Coco Chanel’s humble, working class origins—singing in bars, and gold-digging from wealthy men.  The movie actually portrays her as being quite brazen in the way she finagles favors out of the landed gentry.  I guess when you haven’t got much to lose, there’s no reason not to just go for it.  Still, it would take a very industrious, unabashed personality to do this. But then, pretty girls have always been able to get away with all kinds of outrageous things.

So, this movie is very grand and high-budget, with beautiful, refined people discussing very classy things.  And, honestly it would be a bit of a snoozefest if I weren’t interested in learning more about the historical figures involved.  The fact that the film is about very fascinating people, and that we want to learn how they became what they’re known for today, buys these actors a little more time to recite their dull, meditative lines, while smoking cigarettes and gazing into the mid-distance.  It’s all very stylish.  But, as we all know, fashionable doesn’t always translate into wildly entertaining.  I’m not saying that the movie is tedious.  The production value is wonderful, and the subject matter is very interesting.  But, fortunately director, Anne Fontaine, doesn’t get too carried away.  The film clocks in at a thankfully restrained 110 minutes.  I always appreciate a director who can realistically assess her work.  So, I did enjoy this film.  I’m glad I watched it.  I was kind of obligated since it’s one of those sweeping period pieces that panels love considering for various cinematic awards.  But, it wasn’t a chore (the way some others have been).  Still, it’s not a movie to attempt if you’re feeling at all fidgety or distracted.

Every Family's Got One

Movie: White on Rice
My Rating: 3 stars

The basic story line in this film is pretty straightforward.  But it contains enough crazy jokes and visual gags that it doesn’t seem overly simple.  I’m pretty sure this movie is about the universal theme of: that one creepy uncle that everyone seems to have.  He’s usually a little pervy.  He’s a burden on the rest of the family, asking for all kinds of special favors—mostly because he never seems to be very firmly employed.  And, Hajime (or Jimmy, as he likes to be called now that he’s living in America) is rocking all of these personality traits.  He’s currently living with big-sis (sharing a bunk bed in her little son’s bedroom, to be exact).  She took him in because she saw that after his divorce, her little brother couldn’t quite manage to keep himself reliably fed and sheltered.  To make matters even more complicated, now Jimmy has taken to ogling his brother-in-law’s attractive college-aged niece, Ramona.  And he’s not subtle with his affections either—busting into her bedroom, reading her diary, and loitering outside her college classes.  (Hey, it’s not gross if they’re not related by blood, right?)  What a gem.  But his little, genius nephew, Bob, is there to make sure Jimmy doesn't get into too much trouble.

This crazy guy has been trying his luck on the dating scene, but has had little success.  Somehow, the ladies seem able to resist the charms of this prize of a man.  Although, as far as creepy uncles go, Jimmy’s not actually all that threatening.  He doesn’t mean any harm.  He’s mostly just mind-blowingly dense.  This isn’t just your everyday, run-of-the-mill dysfunction.  It’s bang-your-head-against-the-wall, Jesus-face-palm level failure.  You’d like to be able to write of Jimmy’s antics as merely cultural misunderstanding (he’s a new arrival from Japan).  But, I think that’d be a little insulting to all the other recent immigrants out there.  I mean, big-sis and brother-in-law are also relatively recent transplants, yet they manage to hold things together pretty well. 

The overall tone of this film is goofy.  The synopsis may make the story sound a little creepy and stalkerish, but I assure you that it’s a straight-up comedy.  Just when you think Hajime has finally outdone himself, he goes and finds an even more outrageous way to make a fool of himself (and thoroughly embarrass everyone within ear-shot).  That’s a special talent.  His family keeps trying to help him get back on his feet (and out of their home), but he keeps finding even more spectacular ways of screwing everything up.  But it’s not too painful or cringe-worthy to watch.  Ultimately, Jimmy is loveable, so we can understand why everyone just wants to help him out.  He’s got to get it right one of these days, right?

Low-Tech Horror

Movie: [REC]

My Rating: 4 stars

These low-budget, hand-held-camera, horror films have a reputation for being pretty dicey at times.  They’re usually attempting an “authentic” feel, by trying to make you feel like you’re actually involved in the action.  But the poor quality of the cinematography usually just makes the films feel more cheesy and contrived than anything.  The worst part is usually the terrible excuses the writers come up with for explaining why there is a man with a camcorder involved in the story at all.  It’s usually something implausible like, “this is my uncle, Herb, and he’s making a video diary for the Modern Cultural Anthropology class he’s teaching at the community center.  Do you mind if he follows you around this party?  I promise he’s not some kind of pervert.”  But, I do like horror films, and I had heard some pretty good things about this particular example from Spain, so I decided to check it out.  And it actually is pretty good.  It even has a totally legit-sounding explanation for the video camera.  There was actually an American remake of this film a couple of years ago, but it tried to creep things up a little too much, and added a bit to much CGI for my taste.  I actually prefer this simpler execution of the story.

Angela is one of those sassy TV reporters you see on those cheesy, late night, local news shows.  These shows never have anything too important to report on, so they try to jazz things up with pretty girls “investigating” totally mundane events around town.  This evening’s hard-hitting news segment?  Angela will be visiting a local fire station, and riding along with the firemen, “helping” them with their calls all night.  (That sounds safe).  Well, it turns out that the crew only makes it to one call this particular evening—reports that an elderly person is behaving erratically at a nearby apartment building.  Firemen are frequently called to check on the wellbeing of society’s elder citizens, so it seems like this will be a pretty routine visit.  But when they get there, it turns out that things are far worse than they thought.  The afflicted people are behaving violently, and whatever sickness they have seems to be spreading to everyone they come in contact with.  To make matters worse, it seems like the city government has decided to quarantine the building while all of them are still inside.  All this makes for a pretty gory, and wildly tense evening.  And it actually does have a pretty authentic feel . . . um . . . except for the ending.  There’s a little tidbit right at the very end that stretches the imagination just a little bit too much.  But, not enough to ruin the movie.  It’s just a little groan-worthy.  That’s all.  But, fans of these low-tech homemade-style scary movies should definitely check this one out.

Mother's Day Special

Movie: Date Night
My Rating: 3 stars

So, this movie looked like it would be delightful.  A little bit painful, yes.  Steve Carell always seems to profit off of making people uncomfortable.  And, it’s a bit of a mom movie.  Tina Fey’s brand of humor does tend to appeal to ladies of a certain age.  But these two kids are still very endearing, nonetheless.  This movie is meant to be one of those wacky, wildly implausible romps that goes from being only mildly silly at the beginning, all the way to completely outrageous by the end.  Our droll actors play Claire and Phil, a seasoned married couple with rowdy kids.  These two would like nothing more than to share a romantic evening, alone together every now and then.  But, when they dare to spice up their routine a little bit one weekend, they unwittingly find themselves in all kinds of hot water.  Claire and Phil would love to be the kind of hot, stylish couple who can waltz right into the trendiest restaurants in town without reservations.  If you’re young and hip enough, you can get away with that sort of thing.  Hostesses fall all over themselves to give that sort of person a table, and even apologize that it’s taking so long to clear off the riff raff.  But, when the maitre d’ looks at Phil and Claire, he only sees a couple that would look more at home at the TGI Fridays.  Total mood killer.

Oh, but Phil’s feeling reckless.  He’s gonna impress his lady, no matter what it takes.  So, in an impulsive move, he decides to steal the reservations of another couple that are apparently no-shows.  Unfortunately these truant diners turn out to be some sort of small-time criminals—a pair of grifters that seem to have some very angry mobsters after them.  Maybe loudly announcing that they are, in fact, this mysterious couple wasn’t the best idea Phil’s ever had.  But at least it’s a surefire way to perk up a humdrum date night.

So, this movie definitely isn’t my usual fare.  It isn’t a tortured, Danish, drug-dealing downer.  Or, an ironically humorous zombie flick.  And, it sure isn’t a sick, twisted, Korean, slasher.  But, you know what?  I don’t care.  Yes, it’s a pretty cheesy movie.  But, we all need something that we can relate to mom over, right?  And since Momma hates art house films (with a few exceptions, of course), we’re just gonna have to bring this particular mountain to Mohammed.  And, you know what?  I complain a fair amount, but movie was actually pretty cute.

Not Too Late

Movie: Beginners
My Rating: 4 stars

I got the chance to attend a sneak peek of director, Mike Mills’, latest film last night at one of the Reel Affirmations film festival’s monthly screenings.  I like Mills’ films.  They’ve got a moody, tortured aesthetic, and this one is no different.  The story is primarily about the relationship between a man, Oliver (Ewan McGregor), and his father, Hal (Christopher Plummer).  When Hal dies, Oliver is left to contemplate his life, their relationship, and all the poor choices each of them had made up until this point.  We see the world through Oliver’s eyes, and so the whole film is suffused with an overall tone of deep sadness.  He can’t seem to make any of his romantic relationships work, but then he’s never really had any good role models.  You see, after the death of his mother four years prior, Hal finally came out to his son as gay—at the ripe age of seventy-five.  It’s a very touching, and lightly sweet moment.  Oliver is happy that his father hasn’t given up on life, and is finally pursuing true love, but he just can’t forget the years of isolation and loneliness his mother went through.  Commence the sad wallowing.

Of course, all this changes when Oliver meets an alluring, winsome French girl (Melanie Laurent).  Anna is an actress, and she’s just about as bad at relationships as Oliver.  They don’t know much about each other, but they’re both beautiful, damaged souls, so they get on like a house on fire.  And somehow, Oliver is thinking less and less about his parents.  Those ladies can be mighty distracting!  But, not distracting enough to totally conceal either of these attractive kids’ inherent personality flaws.  But they’re pretty fetching while they’re working out their demons!

This is a wonderful film.  It really captures the deep emotions people feel for each other, and even lets the audience feel some of them for themselves.  There were definitely moments during the screening that had people surreptitiously wiping tears from the corners of their eyes.  But, it’s also sexy and funny too.  We get to enjoy Oliver and Anna’s uncertain flirtation.  And, we also get to savor Hal’s belated (but not too late!) blossoming.  He’s as giddy and nervous as a school-girl at her first dance, but he ultimately takes to his new life like a fish to water, even as late to the game as he is.  This movie is a real crowd pleaser, and it’s one that just about everyone will enjoy.  The pacing is deliberate and solemn, but the story sucks you in enough that you barely notice.  You can even bring a date to this one.  It’s not one to miss.

Off the Wagon

Movie: Fast Five
My Rating: 3 stars

I promised you that I wouldn't revisit this film franchise, but it appears as though I've fallen off the wagon.  Oh well.  This movie really wasted no time before jumping into highly inadvisable activity.  I saw it in the theater this weekend with some friends (they’re car freaks, and they dragged me to this—I swear).  Anyway, we were only about ten seconds into the film before the lunacy stared.  I heard more than a few people say aloud, something to the effect of, “Well, that doesn’t look like a good idea.”   Everything about this movie is completely insane—the heavy-handed, over-sentimental dialogue, all the characters’ atrocious decision-making skills.  Even the basic premise was entirely demented.  (Only a juice-head, or an entirely pure soul could have come up with this material.)  But, it’s so amazingly bad that it’s kinda comes back around to wonderful again.  Especially since I was sitting right in front of a group of guys that was clearly loving every moment of the film (and also taking it completely seriously).  I could really only sit back and let the acts of recklessness wash over me, because I really didn’t have a clue as to what had been going on in the story up to this point.  It was pretty clear that I missed some major plot points by not having watched most of the other installments in this franchise.  You’ll remember that I did watch number three, but I got the feeling that that one was more of a whimsical interlude, and really didn’t have much to do with the ongoing story. 

So, this series has always been about boys showing off their fancy cars and their fancy ladies.  And this movie does feature plenty of each of those elements.  But it also tries really hard to be so much more.  Director, Justin Lin, apparently wasn’t satisfied with creating merely another exciting story about impulsive men racing their pretty cars.  It seems that he aspired to something grander and more sophisticated, setting this latest installment in Rio de Janeiro, and trying to turn it into an edgy heist film.  You see, our heroes are on the run from the law (again) and where’s the most natural foreign country to escape to from Southern California?  Why, Brazil of course!  They’re on the run, and short on cash, so against their better judgment, these crazy kids sign up to help take a few fancy, seized cars off the DEA’s hands.  Naturally, this leads to more trouble than they anticipated, placing them squarely between the U.S. government’s ace outlaw-extraction team, and Rio’s biggest drug lord.  So, our friends need to call in some favors from some of their old friends—all our favorite sidekicks from the earlier films, of course.  Together, they’re going to pull a large-scale, Oceans 11-style heist that will somehow have the effect of screwing over both of these sets of adversaries (although I have no clue why the U.S. government would care).  Needless to say, all this makes for some pretty exciting car driving.  I’m not going to tell you to go out and see this movie in the theater, because it really is pretty frivolous, and more than a little demented.  But, if you find yourself in the same position that I was in (dragged to the theater by over-zealous friends), you might as well go along with the plan without a fuss, because the movie really is pretty hilarious (intentionally or not).