Rock'n'Roll!

Movie: Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
My Rating: 4 stars

Awesome!  This movie made me want to go to a rock concert really badly.  A little head-banging, letting  the music move my body--just pure, raw metal!  (Oops, I think I just outed myself as a metalhead).  Oh, but this film adds a whole lot of weed, and farts, and boner jokes.  Ya know, just for good measure.  I guess that's the whole drugs, sex, and rock'n'roll thing.  But, it's pretty sweet.  Especially the little adventure Jack Black takes about midway through the film--a journey involving a few magic mushrooms, a psychedelic land of small, colorful woodland creatures, and flying Sasquatch.  You know, a typical Tuesday night.  I was definitely not expecting to like this movie as much as I did.  I love it when that happens.  This movie had been kicking around my Netflix queue (at around #109) for a number of years.  But, as happens more and more frequently these days, I was only spurred into action when my brother actually watched the movie, and strongly recommended it to me.  Although, for some reason, he thought I wasn't particularly a fan of Jack Black.  I admit, I was a little skeptical after stunts like Orange County.  There's only so much "tubby man, loitering in dingy, ill-fitting briefs" that a girl can look at in one evening.  And, Mr. Black definitely exceeded his quota in that particular film.  But, he totally won me over with School of Rock, and especially Nacho Libre and Be Kind Rewind.  And that guy can rock!  I'm definitely a singer.  I'm known around the karaoke bars in town, and I don't care who I'm embarrassing with my melodious stylings.  Because, I have music in my soul that's dying to be set free!  (Sorry gang).  So, I definitely respect a good set of lungs.  And Jack Black's got 'em.  Hes freaking owns this film with his singing.  It's great.  And, I may or may not have downloaded a few of the best ones after the movie was over.  (I've been rocking out to Beelzeboss ever since).  It was that good.  Good music, hilarious antics, and a lot of jokes you wouldn't want to tell your mother.  Oh, and I LOVE mini-Jack Black at the beginning of the film, by the way.  I don't know where they found that little guy, but he's perfect!  He's got the look, the attitude, and all the right facial expressions.  And he sings!  Pure gold.  Although, I suspect his mother may have had to wash his mouth out with soap at the end of filming that day.  Yeesh!  You wouldn't want your kid coming home with some of those little turns of phrase.  So, I'm starting to see a trend here.  So the question remains . . . do you have any more movies to recommend me?

*Sigh*

Movie: Resident Evil: Extinction
My Rating: 2 stars

This movie was painfully bad.  Just like that last one.  But, I keep coming back for more.  Maybe it's because I liked the first film.  That one was like my worst zombie nightmare--being trapped underground in a locked facility, crawling with the ravenous undead.  Or, maybe it was because all the trailers promised that this third film was going to be one of those awesome, post-apocalyptic treks through the desert.  I really like those.  But, this wasn't really one of those.  It turned out to be a pretty gratuitous bacchanalia of evil scientists, and mutants, and poorly developed motives.  So, I've only liked one film out of three.  Not the best track record, is it?  But, that's not going to stop me from watching the fourth.  No, it isn't.  Because, even though I know better, I'm just so curious to know how the whole saga is going to end.  And, I'm ok with being disappointed again.  But, at least Milla Jovovich is still kicking ass and taking names--and as usual, all while wearing ludicrously exotic outfits.  And that's what most people are really coming to these films for, right?

But, as silly as this movie is, I just can't hate it.  I guess I'm always a sucker for a zombie film.  Or, tough bitches in leather pants.  And, the movie does have just enough of the "small band of human survivors, wandering the dessert, foraging for food, fuel (and less skimpy clothes?)" theme to hold my interest.  (For a little while, at least).  Unfortunately, the director of this film gets a little too slap-happy with all the monsters he lets loose against this poor group of scavengers.  It's not like any part of this film is ever remotely believable.  But, I do think that there's a distinct threshold of good taste that one should be very wary of crossing.  Not that director, Russell Mulcahy, ever had the best reputation in the biz, but still.

Flawed, But Fun

Movie: The Social Network

My Rating: 4 stars

So, I finally got around to seeing this movie.  And, I liked it.  This film is a pretty exciting, well-made drama . . . because it sure isn't a factually accurate portrayal of the founding of Facebook.  So, maybe all the real events happened in roughly the same order as they do in the film.  But, real life is never quite good enough for the movies.  Directors always need to sex things up a little bit by making the characters a little more attractive, and giving them all slightly darker motives.  Parties are always a little bit more debauched in the movies, and the jerks are always a little bit douchier (well, in this case, I think the film probably got the characterization of the Harvard, Finals Club blow-hards just right--tee hee).  I'm pretty sure most of the story, here, is wildly hyped-up invention, tailored to fit nicely into the blockbuster, feature-film format, and designed to give audiences the drama they've come to expect from the movies.  But, I'm actually ok with that in this instance, because there's enough info out there in cyberspace for most people to understand the real situation.  And, I actually think director, David Fincher, does a pretty great job of fleshing out a deeply flawed character that we're all rooting for, nonetheless--even if it is half fiction.  That's pretty rare in Hollywood these days, so I'm willing to overlook this flagrant (but skillfull) use of dramatic license.  Mark Zuckerberg probably isn't the blindingly jealous sociopath portrayed in the film.  He's probably just really self-conscious, and maybe a little bit autistic.  But unfortunately for him, this brand of social awkwardness and inability to read conversational cues often just reads as "asshole."  But, as dark and heavy as this movie gets at times, there are actually a fair amount of really funny moments too.  Most of them surrounding Justin Timberlake's portrayal of the wildly narcissistic, yet unbelievably pathetic founder of Napster, Shawn Fanning.  But, no matter how laughable, and fame-hungry as this guy is, there are always going to be a fair number of even more desperate groupies, eager to latch on to any small bit of celebrity he does have.  The whole movie is pretty well-done.  It may not be exactly what you're expecting, but if you're willing to look beyond pure fact, I think you'll like it.

100% AMAZING!

Movie: Machete
My Rating: 5 stars

Robert Rodriguez is a pretty unique guy, and like his buddy, Quentin Tarantino, he sure knows how to do these B-movie tribute films right.  I mean, Sin City was pretty sweet, am I right?  And even From Dusk ‘til Dawn has its own, special charm.  His movies are always just pure gore, and tits, and guns and porno music at every turn—the kind of sleaze everyone can enjoy.  And these films are hilarious!  How can you go wrong with casting Steven Seagal (bad hair-plugs and all) as a scuzzy drug lord, delivering his lines in an unbelievably horrible Mexican accent?  That kind of “acting” is priceless.  Especially since it’s pretty clear that Mr. Seagal isn’t in on the joke.  And you gotta hand it to Rodriguez for finally being honest, and just casting Lindsay Lohan as a straight-up meth addict?  But, you know what?  Even though this sort of movie is already right up my alley, what really made it so enjoyable for me was Danny Trejo.  That guy is so cool.  With a face like his, he’s one guy in Hollywood who’s never going to play more than one character.  But, it really doesn’t matter.  He's awesome every single time.  But, Trejo also offers a few laughs with his performance too.  Probably one of the funniest parts of the film, is his "Eh, why not?" attitude toward the countless women who throw themselves at him throughout the film.  You can see him thinking, "Sure, lady.  Just let me take of this vest, first."

But, now that I think of it, this movie is just full of bad-asses.  Aside from the full cast of anonymous gangsters, if you’ve ever seen any of the promo posters for this movie, you know just who I’m talking about.  That’d be my secret girlfriend, Michelle F-ing Rodriguez, baby!  Now, that’s one tough bitch.  And, she’s all tricked out in this film, with a leather bikini, an eye-patch, and a huge-ass gun (the only way I ever want to see her from now on).  Do I smell a Halloween costume for next year?  But anyway, Robert Rodriguez manages to deliver everything you usually come to him for.  And, that’d be gratuitous sex and violence (just in case there was any doubt).  There's really not much more to say about the plot of this movie.  Just be prepared for the story to go from pretty ludicrous at the beginning, to all-out, throwing-cats-at-cars insane by the end.  This is good stuff.

One-star Bonanza

Movie: Lambada
My Rating: 1 star

Wow! This movie is spectacularly bad. But, then again, you'd be hard-pressed to find many films from the 80s that don't cheez it up in a major way. I have the AV Club to thank for this little experience (thanks a lot, guys). They warned me this movie was going to be a doozie, but when the article mentioned that it starred "Jan" from The Office playing a slutty 80s teen, I couldn't resist. Would you be able to? Yeah, I thought not. So, as the title of this film suggests, this story is about the secret, sordid world of underground Lambada clubs. (Because dancing the Lambada was an actual phenomenon, and this sort of club totally existed.) Those teenagers just couldn't get enough of that forbidden (and apparently illegal?) dance, so they had to sneak off to back alleys to get their fill. It's such an intoxicating dance that these kids are driven to drop out of school, start wearing really exotic, subversive clothing, and then I'm guessing, move straight into a nightmare decent into booze and pills. (I have a sneaking suspicion that the director of this film never attended prom--or any other high school dance, for that matter--because if he had, he would have known that this sort of frenzied, hormonal dancing is practically de rigeur for teenagers, and it even takes place within the hallowed halls of elite learning institutions). Oh well.

So, this movie is pretty bizarre in tone. It's equal parts mindbendingly lame, and skincrawlingly creepy. It's lame, for the reasons I stated above, and then creepy because the whole story revolves around a devilishly handsome, high-school math teacher who visits these illicit Lamabda clubs at night, seducing nubile, young truants with his gyrating hips, luring them back to his van, and then tricking them into taking math pop quizzes. Hello pedophilia. I've heard about some pretty twisted fetishes on the internet before, but I've never encountered anything this depraved before. :o) I don't care that this guy's motives are pure and that he's really just trying to teach these kids about the joys of learning. Dirty dancing with your math teacher just smells a little bit too much like "felony" to me. I mean, little "Jan" sure has the hots for him. She's actually a very good student, but frequents these clubs, posing as a drop-out, for the sole purpose of trying to get into those tight, leather pants. So, who else feels like barfing? But, I guess all this sleaze is what makes this movie so magical. It's so brainnrottingly awful that you really just have to witness the trainwreck for yourself. You can always call the police later.

Hilarity

Movie: Jail Breakers
My Rating: 4 stars

Time for another prison movie!  Regular readers will recall how this genre is a particular guilty pleasure of mine.  It's been a while since I'd last indulged, and I definitely felt something missing from my life.  Well, this little, Korean movie sure hit the spot, but it wasn't like my typical, shameful fare (with all its sweaty, homoerotic angst).  No, this film is just a wacky buddy comedy about a pair of pathetically inept criminals who wind up in jail, but who also manage to get the better of the equally bumbling prison guards and police force anyway.  (But, of course, there are still enough terrifying gang bosses and prison riots to satisfy my sleazy taste).

This story is your classic comedy of errors.  The action all starts when Jae Pil learns that his girlfriend on the outside is getting ready to be married to another man--and to a cop, no less!  (Apparently she'd had enough of dating an inept grifter).  So, he and his cell-mate, Mu-suk, bust out of the joint one night in an effort to stop this vile union.  But, what these two don't know is that they have actually just been pardoned by a politician hoping to win a few brownie points with the working-class folk.  So, these buffoons actually spend the majority of the film trying to break back into jail so they can be present and accounted for when this politician arrives to be thanked by the humble prisoners he's taken pity on.  But, only after they manage to derail any wedding plans Jae Pil's "girlfriend" may have (whether she likes it or not).  I actually feel a little sorry for her at some points.  All this girl wants is a nice, little husband, and a stable marriage, and she's on the verge of getting that when her thuggish ex-boyfriends shows up on the scene.  So much for that idea!  The movie is pure insanity--and a really good time.  (And, heads up: it'll make you really really hungry for Korean food).

Oddballs

Movie: Freezer Burn
My Rating: 3 stars

Well, this is a thoroughly bizarre, little film.  I can't make up my mind whether it's supposed to be sci-fi, a romantic comedy, or a dark commentary on the human condition.  I guess it's a little of all of these things.  This is certainly a science story.  Virgil is your classic mad scientist.  He's a cryogenics researcher, and is he's finally developed a successful formula for freezing living tissue that can then be perfectly thawed and used later--a breakthrough for the organ-harvesting industry (but the scientists are more impressed with the idea that they've created a technology that could make the plot in Demolition Man a reality).  Virgil is so engrossed in his work that he doesn't realize what's happening in the world around him, and has a hard time relating to other people.  And, all this science really just serves to set the stage for the real story in this film, which is about how misguided most people really are.  Because, the movie also examines humans' seemingly bottomless capacity for hope and wonder, as well as callousness, and even cruelty. You see, Virgil is married to a harpy--a horrible shrew of a woman that would rather see all his hopes and dreams crushed rather than admit that she's been behaving selfishly.  She doesn't care about his research, and seems not to even notice that she married an absent-minded professor.  This woman must have been one of those marriage-minded gals, who dragged the first man who showed any interest to the altar as fast as she could, never stopping to check whether they were compatible or not.  Her wild antics would be pretty hilarious if they weren't so horrifying.  Well, Virgil's had enough.  He decides he's had enough of this world, so he volunteers to test his new technology's effects on human subjects--not to be re-thawed until fifteen years later.  Of course, what he wakes up to find, isn't quite what he'd been planning for.

This film actually seems to be pretty light in tone.  It gets pretty goofy at times, because all the characters are over-the-top caricatures, and they get into the most dramatic scrapes imaginable.  But just under the surface, runs a distinct painful streak, that really made me pretty sad for every one of them.  People long for things they can't have--or for things they think they want, but that turn out not to be what they hoped for at all.  It'd be heartbreaking if it weren't for all the outrageous humor.  All this makes for a film that's pretty hard to pin down--but still pretty enjoyable.

Rock'n'Roll

Movie: The Runaways
My Rating: 4 stars

I don't know why people didn't seem to like this movie very much.  I thought it was really good.  It's full of awesome music, all kinds of sweet 70s clothes (I'm pretty sure no one ever looked good in those high-waisted bell-bottoms), and enough teen angst to peel paint off the walls.  But, maybe all these naysayers are coming to this film with experiences and interests that are totally different from mine.  Perhaps there are a whole bunch of hard core music fans out there who are wildly offended by the idea of Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning playing Joan Jett and Cherie Curry.  I suppose I can understand their concern.  I'd be a bit alarmed too, if I'd heard that some teenage interloper was going to going to attempt to portray a beloved idol of mine.  But, they needn't have worried.  These two girls, actually do their job really well.  Most people agree that Dakota Fanning has some serious acting chops, but for some reason everyone always hates on Kristen Stewart.  I guess it's because of her affiliation with the cheez-tastic Twilight franchise.  But, that's hardly a reason to discount her entirely.  Kristen Stewart plays a pretty awesome Joan Jett.  Sure, she's a little awkward and sullen, but that's what most of her roles have called for so far.  And it's sure what this one required.  Her sulky, boyish demeanor are perfect for the young Joan Jett--uncertain about her music career and her future.  I though the whole arrangement worked really well.  So that leaves the film's storyline to discuss.  I have no idea how accurate the story is because all this stuff--the rise and fall of this famous all-girls rock band in the 70s--happened before I was born.  And I wasn't sufficiently into Jett's music to pore over internet pages, seeking information about her old bands.  So, I really can't speak to the veracity of this tale.  Maybe that's something that really makes or breaks this movie for people.  But, for once I had the luxury of coming to this film with a blank slate, so I really enjoyed it.

Exhausted




Movie: Gurren Lagann
My Rating: 4 stars

Work's been killing me this month, so I've really only been in the mood to watch fluff.  Only wildly implausible, whimsical romps for me, thanks.  Nothing that I'm going to have to think really hard about--and certainly nothing really warped that's going to leave me tossing and turning with fitful, feverish sleep.  And so, that's why I've been watching Gurren Lagann.  This show is so insane that all you can really do is sit back and let the madness roll over you in waves.  But, it's great.  I really like this show because it's designed specifically for anime lovers--connoisseurs really.  It's for people who watch so much anime that they've become very familiar of all the patterns and archetypes that appear in these shows.  This show serves up all these genres, and makes a wild parody of each one.  The jokes go from being just a little over the top to almost offensively outrageous.  Outsiders, catching a glimpse of a scene or two, will be totally baffled, and and will have their worst suspicions confirmed about how subversive anime really is.  But, insiders will be howling with laughter.  This show doesn't just make fun of one type of anime show (like action or robots).  No, this one gives us tidbits from all the different genres.  It's got the action, guns, sci-fi, and coming of age stories.  Then, a little bit of the skimpy bikinis, romance, and plenty of fan service.  But as the show wears on, it manages to squeeze in some of the even more obscure genres, like the sacharine-sweet shojo manga, sentimental tales from the country-side, and even some of those banal marriage dramas.  Heck, they even threw in one of those "compilation episodes" for good measure (an episode that just shows clips, recapping the show so far, usually because of budget constraints).  And, the tone of the show varies as much as the themes do, swinging from exciting, adrenaline-packed, wacky, and outrageous, all the way to schmaltzy, touching, and even heartbreaking at times.  It's pretty wild and irreverent, but somehow manages to make you really care about all the characters.

So, what's this show about?  Hmm.  That's a really hard question.  Because, this show is really kinda about everything.  I guess on the most basic level it's about a group of tough, oppressed rebels trying to win back the surface of the earth for human habitation.  But it's also about love and determination, sexy girls with guns, fighting robots, rips in space-time, and becoming a man.  The show is pretty monumental.  I highly recommend it--granted, of course, that you've reached the prerequisite amount of anime-hours logged before-hand.  It's good for some silly, uncomplicated fun.  It definitely met my requirements for some unchallenging, yet exciting entertainment.